10 Reasons Why You Should Spoil Your Spouse- Not Your Children

Make Your Spouse Your Priority

They are adorable, they are LOUD, they are so easy to shop for, they are PERSISTANT, they are sweet, they love TREATS…. there are a million reasons we spoil our children. If your family is in a place where the children rule the roost then you have GOT to put the brakes on that!! Your kids, as wonderful and special as they are, should not be your top priority. Your spouse, that amazing person who holds your heart, needs to know that they are your #1 now and always. That’s right, you should be spoiling your SPOUSE! 

If this is lacking in your marriage right now then today is the day to refocus your energy onto the most important person in your life! The Dating Divas have come up with 10 marriage-strengthening reasons to spoil your spouse, not your kids.

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We have all envied them- those couples that are ‘newlywed-in-love’ with well-behaved children. How is it that they can be so happy?? Are they even real?? Well, we are here to tell ya that YES, they’re real, and that CAN be YOU! And The Dating Divas think we’ve figured out the secret to their success! With all of our marriages combined, the Divas total years and YEARS of experience, and if there’s one thing we know will make your marriage stronger, it’s spoiling your husband! We aren’t talking about worshipping the ground he walks on and being a servant to his every need, but we ARE talking about refocusing your energy from always doing everything for your kids, to doing things for YOUR MAN.

Do you have an AH-mazing marriage? Check out Diva Central for even MORE great ideas to keep it going strong!

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We guarantee you are going to want all the details on this… so read on!

1.  Your Wedding Day:  Remember, your family started with your marriage to your spouse {not the day your first child was born}. He is the reason behind it all! So while the kids may be the frosting- he is still the CAKE! 

2. Broadcast Your Love: One of the BEST things you can do for your children is to let them see you LOVE their father. Strong marriages make strong families. Your children need the security of a loving family far more than toys or treats or even attention! So kiss in front of your children. Let them see you holding hands, snuggling together on the couch, and going out on dates.

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Photo Courtesy of Meka Studios

3. Set the Stage: Spoiling your spouse gives children an example of what a great marriage should look like. When you treat your spouse with kindness, courtesy, and love – your children will see that.  They will long for a marriage like their parents have and not settle for anything less! Take the time to learn about each other’s Love Language. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts is a fantastic book to read if you haven’t already. When you spoil your spouse, do it in a way that will show them you truly care and are thinking about their needs.

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Photo Courtesy of Meka Studios

4. Raise Me Up: As a parent, you are in large part responsible for how your children turn out. The pressure is on and you don’t want {ahem} to raise your child to always feel entitled. But you already KNOW your husband turned out great!! {Thank you mother-in-laws all over the world!!} He’s already “raised” – so you don’t have to worry about spoiling him {wink!}

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Photo Courtesy of Meka Studios

5. What Goes Around: As you take the time to spoil your spouse, you will also reap the rewards! Taking your wife on a date means a fun time for you, too! Enjoy dinner, movies, great conversations, and fun activities. Buying a special gift? How convenient that box of chocolates have so many pieces in it {wink!}. Go with the golden rule on this one and treat your spouse EVEN BETTER than you’d like to be treated. Though you shouldn’t be spoiling your spouse with the intention of getting anything out of it, more likely than not, they are going to reciprocate the love. 🙂 It’s a win-win for you both.

6. Unexpected: Spoiling your husband also helps get both of you out of your consistent routine. Spoiling your children, however can turn into a routine too quickly! It’s easy to get caught up in to-do lists and managing all the details of everyday life. Surprise them with a little things frequently. Taking time to spoil each other helps you refocus on what’s truly important! Your Marriage!

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Photo Courtesy of Meka Studios

7. Together Again: One day your sweet babies will grow up and move out. They will have their OWN lives to live. Your spouse is going to be with you through it all. By showering your spouse with love and kindness your entire marriage, you will keep your love strong regardless of whether or not you have children in your home. You don’t want to feel like you need to RE-connect when you become empty nesters, so keep the love alive right now! 

8. Be Their Lover: Children rely on you to set boundaries and restrictions. It’s part of your job to discipline as a parent. You are NOT, however, your spouse’s mother. You are his LOVER! So forget the stress of teaching lessons and just LOVE your spouse… unconditionally! 

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Photo Courtesy of Meka Studios

9. Bring On The Romance: Spoiling your children can lead to self-entitlement and teaches selfishness. Spoiling your spouse can lead to romance and is one way of being self-less. Your kind words, sweet notes, little treats, special nights out… all of those can lead to romance and strengthen the bond the two of you share.

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Photo Courtesy of Meka Studios

 

10.  Stand the Test of Time: Spoiling your husband shows him that you still feel the same for him regardless of how long you’ve been together and what you’ve gone through. Take the time to get dressed up for date night with the ‘man of your dreams’ , remember  important events and milestones together and celebrate them. Let your spouse know that you are thankful for every single day you’ve been together and your marriage will stand the test of time!

If you want some fantastic suggestions on ways to spoil your spouse the ways that they like to be loved, then sign up for The Dating Diva’s Newsletter and get our FREE 7 Day of Love Program —-> check out our right sidebar to get in on that!

*A special thanks to my cousin Kari with Meka Studios for being such an amazing photographer and sharing some of her pictures with us!!*

About the Author: Julie

My favorites are my husband, children, Downton Abbey, root beer slushes, and really good pasta.

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36 Responses to 10 Reasons Why You Should Spoil Your Spouse- Not Your Children

    1. Sarah,
      Thank you! Writing this post was a great way for me to reflect on my own relationship with my husband and how I want to do everything I can to keep it strong:)

    1. nicole, i think that this article still stands for your situation but i also think its important to have on a regular basis, family time that allows bonding for step kids. i remember being young and really looking up to my step mother but she never took time out for me. let your step kids go to stores with you or help you plan a surprise for your spouse.play games that inevitably get you laughing that allows a chance for them to trust you.not implying anything with your situation but just a thought 🙂

    2. My parents are divorced, and I have had a wonderful step family for 15 years now. It definitely can be hard, especially at first, and it all depends on the age of the children. But please, please, don’t worry about spoiling your spouse. All children need a strong marriage to observe. My stepmother is wonderful, and she DEFINITELY spoils my dad rotten! She is great example. When I was about 13, I realized that my dad was the happiest he had ever been, and it’s BECAUSE he was being spoiled! He was a doctor in a small town, and his life was crazy. She rubbed his feet EVERY NIGHT! (Amongst a billion other things. She’s amazing). My dad always says about her; “I make the living, she makes the living worthwhile.” It’s true. He is exponentially happier than he was with my mom, and it’s because she spoils him. If the children are young, they might not get it for a few years. But they will come around when they have an example of a strong marriage, and they will see how happier everyone is. If they really love their dad, it will fall into place. It might just take a while. Don’t give up!

    3. Nicole,

      I am a step-mommy to a caring 4 year old boy and I can tell you that hubby & I act no different around or towards him than our own children. In our home we model what we believe in hopes that ALL of our kids will learn from it one day. We believe none of our children are any more or less “special” than the others and they all recieve and deserve their own one-on-one time, that being said, when it comes to hubby & I our relationship is 1st priority. Yes, my step-son was a part of hubby’s life before I, but that doesn’t change my relationship to him as his wife.

  1. My daughter posted this to me with thanks for teaching her what a marriage should be. She now has a wonderful marriage and family and is living the concept. The only thing I can add is always put the desires of your spouse first- when you both do it’s awesome! Her mom truly lived by these rules and I tried to match her every step of the way. We married very young, (18 & 16) and had to learn as we went, it must have worked because we had 32+ years of marriage before she died. I miss her every day because of the sweet memories she left me.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment, Dan! It brought tears to my eyes. Your family sounds amazing and I am so glad you have those sweet memories to remember your precious wife! We wish you all the best!

  2. I completely agree with this post! You’ve done an awesome job. One thing I would add is that you should put your souse before everything, including kids. Some of us spend soo much time being busy that we forget to focus and make what matters most a priority. xox

    1. Michelle,
      You are so right- but I will be first to admit how challenging that can be at times, especially when you have little ones around being ‘squeaky wheels’! I’ve just had to be a little more creative in ways to spoil my spouse as we’ve added little ones to our family:)

  3. I love this topic!! I tink after we have kids it is so hard to always remember that we have to come first! We are a blended family and sometimes I do see that it is a little harder for us because we have to show our kids that we are one family no matter what the other parents outside of our home try to tell them. Sad to say but they use our child together, as well as the time that my husband and I try to spend together to show our kids that we don’t love them as much as we love “our child” or eachother. We try so hard to focus on them so they see and know that we do love each of them and the other parents are just a little crazy, we often forget about him and I! I just signed up for the email newsletter and got the 7 days of love. My husband just said the other day Can we go to the movies this weekend, and automatically withoth thinking or hesitation I said, but Christmas is coming up and the kids need this and that. We don’t have the money to spend on us right now. He automatically had a look on his face of disapointment and upset, and said Oh I guess we are going back to that again. I am so thankful I found the web site and plan on adding to the membership. I think it will really help me stay focused on us and give me great ideas on how to keep US first!!

    1. Layla,
      Thanks so much for your comment! Keeping a marriage strong takes lots of focused time, energy, and love. With a blended family added to that, it can be even more of a challenge to put your spouse first:) I’m so glad you found our site too and hope that you can use all the great resources we have to offer here. Our Diva Central membership is great, there are tons of fantastic features you will really like about it. Also we have a free monthly love calendar that you can use every day to remind you of sweet things you can be doing for your spouse, I think you’d really enjoy it:)

  4. I recently remarried. My children are high school age. Before we married I asked them how they felt about it. They were happy for me. I explained to them that if I did in fact marry I had to not make the same mistakes I made with their dad. Which meant as much as I love them I would have to make my marriage my first priority. They are at an age where they could understand and hopefully they will learn from my mistake and have strong marriages of their own one day.

  5. This is so hard for me. My family actually started when we had our daughter. I didn’t know if he would care enough to change his ways for us.Then we got married & had more children. But it’s still hard to put him before our little ones even though he is a great husband & provider. God is working on me 🙂

    1. When children enter the picture, it definitely IS harder. We wish you the best of luck! Focusing more on your spouse will pay off in the end. Promise! XOXO

  6. This made me cry! Thank you. We have a 6 month year old and another one on the way! I have been burnt out these past few days, been a subpar wifey. I have always felt this way about marriage, that husbands should be numero uno, but to see it written about to a tee in this world of child worship was just so great. Again, thank you!!

  7. Hi Dating Divas,
    I can really second this article!!
    My hubby and I will be married for 19 yrs this year and we are more in love now that when we just got married.
    Our kids are teens now. It hasn’t always been easy but making a continuous decision to spoil and love my each other just the way we are, was the best not just for the both of us, but for the kids too.
    My daughter went to youth the other day, they asked the kids why do you love your parents, some of the answers were ’cause they buy me things’, ‘they make nice food’, ‘they spoil me’, etc. Later this week one lady asked me, how do you do it? Your daughters answer was ‘I love my dad for loving my mother and I love my mother for loving my father’.
    I couldn’t speak, tears streamed down my cheeks, and I just knew we were doing something right.