June 18, 2010

All The Single Ladies...

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I recently did a guest post on a CUTE blog called, Exposing the Drapes to My 20′s.  Jessica is SUCH a doll!!  When she asked us to do something for the “single ladies”….we loved the idea!  Heck, we were ALL single at one point…and some of us were QUITE the playas (sorry….can’t tell ya who…) and some of us sure dated the players!!  :)   I then realized that we probably have some *single* readers who would ALSO love this advice….so I am “reposting” it on our blog!
Before we start….let me just start by saying that this post is officially dedicated to ALL THE SINGLE LADIES out there!!

 

What advice would we give all the single ladies?

 

Here is a “slice of advice” from each diva:
I was brought up in a household where my dad always opened the door for my mom.  My brothers were taught to be gentlemen when dating and my sisters and I were taught to EXPECT that treatment!  Now, this is not the “green light” for all single ladies to be high maintenance… {LOL}…..I am just saying that you should expect every guy you go out with to treat you with utter respect!  I remember going out with this super dreamy (seriously….he had the looks going on!!) guy.  Unfortunately, that was ALL he had going on!  He didn’t open ONE door for me all night, didn’t pull out the chair for me at the restaurant, and basically took care of himself first.  The clincher was when he dropped me off and didn’t walk me to my door!  Those of you who are saying, “What’s wrong with that?”…..you are SOOO dating the wrong kind of guys!  Seriously!  Chivalry is not dead and there ARE guys out there who treat women with that much respect!  That was my first and last date with him.  He was pretty surprised when I turned him down the next time he called.  :)  I held out for my perfect match and luckily he also held out for ME!  Whatever you do – don’t settle!  He is out there somewhere.
-Tara

 

I would tell all of you single gals that dating is supposed to be FUN and if you are stressing out about ‘just wanting to get married’ or ‘hurrying to find the one’, then you’ll MISS out on the joy of the journey to find him.  You’re single ONCE (hopefully) and married FOREVER, so don’t discount your important single years finding yourself and experiencing life as YOU!  If a guy – for one reason or another – isn’t YOUR marriage material then MOVE ON!  It will be hard at first, but you will be SO GLAD later that you didn’t run around in circles wishing for someone to be who they’re not.  Another thought is to go places that guys who hold your standards will be going… because when you’re in the right place at the right time… yep!  Don’t find another excuse to turn down [whatever] activity.  Next, don’t overlook the guy who is “just” your best friend. Your husband WILL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND!  You gotta keep those baby blues OPEN, GIRL!!!  Last, I’d offer hope to those who are wishing to be married – he’s out there and LOOKIN’ for you as hard as you are for him.

-Kiirsten


My advice would be to put yourself out there and date, date, date! You can’t expect something to happen if you aren’t being proactive trying to meet the man you are suppose to be with. Have high standards/expectations, but be realistic. Nobody is perfect.
-Corie

 

 

 

 

 

If you are dating someone you KNOW you won’t marry or if there are things about him that you just couldn’t live with then stop wasting yours and HIS time and move on.  Dating is for finding a spouse…and getting a free meal here and there.  ;)  If you’re ready to commit, find someone who is ready to, too!
-Kristen

Be the kind of person you want to marry.  If you want a good guy, you are going to have to be good.  Guys hate when you are fake.  Also, if you are trying to be someone you aren’t, you are bound to end up with a guy that is not right for you.  Don’t rush a relationship to marriage.  It will come looking for you!  I swear most people get engaged and married when they least expect it.
-Erika

My advice would be to have fun! Don’t take dating too seriously and stress about finding a guy. Allow the dating process to help find out who you are as a person. When I was single, I was never ok with myself unless I had a boyfriend. As soon as I realized that I decided to be single and figure out who I was. I started dating for fun and in the process realize that I didn’t need a guy to be ok. I just needed myself. As soon as I figured that out (after almost 2 years of being single and enjoying every minute of it!), I found my husband. If you aren’t ok with yourself before you get married, marriage is going to be that much harder. You have to be able to stand on your own at times and be strong for your husband and you can’t do that without knowing yourself!
-Cami

 

There is someone wonderful out there just for you.  DO NOT SETTLE!!!!  Be true to who YOU are.  He is more perfect than you could EVER imagine.  He is talented and unique especially made just for you… to serve you and you to serve him.  When you find your future spouse it should be someone who builds you up and helps and supports you when you are down.  You won’t be exactly the same but together you will be strong.  Like a puzzle piece (if you strive for it) your different points of views and ideas will come together to make a beautiful, strong relationship and marriage.
-Charlene

 

I definitely agree with Kiirsty: Enjoy the journey of dating.  It’s supposed to be fun and if you enjoy the process you will learn a lot about yourself and men at the same time.  My best advice is to pay close attention to your intuition.  It will NEVER lead you astray.  If you get a creepy feeling, an awkward feeling, an unsure feeling…run like the wind and DO NOT look back!  This intuition is telling you something about that certain guy; be it good or bad or worse.  I dated a TON of guys while I was single (no comments from you, Tara…or snickers, hehe) and I always felt like the more I dated, the easier it was to realize what I wanted in a husband.  I was told a lot that I was fickle, non-committal, wouldn’t get married ’til I was 40…because all it took was a wrong look from a guy and I dumped him.  Moved on.  But when I did meet my husband I knew immediately that he was different.  That he was special and unique.  That he definitely deserved a closer look.  But I had many years of experience dating all the wrong guys so that I knew immediately when I met the right one.
-Kari
I think that it is important to date for a while and get to know the person in many different situations.  I remember being told to slow down and spend each season together with your boyfriend before getting married.  I think back to that advice all the time now and think about how wise that statement was.  I knew my husband for a long time and each extra month showed me how special he was and how much I wanted to be with him.  It helps to reinforce the feeling of knowing you should be with this man for the rest of your life.  The time will be well spent!
-Lisa P.

 

Single girls- it is in our nature to chase jerks.  Quit chasing, you deserve to be treated like the princess you are.  If a guy isn’t treating you that way, especially during dating, he is super not worth it!  Tara knows… ;)
-Wendy

 

Okay single girls.  Stop playing games.  My little brother just got back from a church mission and he wants nothing to do with playing games.  If you like the guy  - be straight up about it.  If not, don’t waste your time or his.  Another biggie is USE YOUR PHONE FOR CALLING!  Texting is great for little comments here and there but get to know each other through talking not just texting.
-Bridget

 

Be confident.  Know who you are and know what you want from the get go.  But understand that this is REAL-LIFE and there will be things you’ll have to compromise on in a relationship.  Just make sure you are willing to meet in the middle on those issues before you begin a marriage.  If you’re not comfortable with an issue while dating, you might never be.
-Lisa M.

 

What would you tell the single ladies about marriage??

Here is a “slice of advice” from each diva…on marriage:

Tara & Jamie
Believe it or not, but guys cannot read our minds! I know, I know…I think they SHOULD….but unfortunately, they were not blessed with that talent. {WINK} Example: After a bad day at work….instead of waiting until Jamie notices that I am upset, I have found that if I say, “Sweetie, I had a really bad day today. Can I tell you about it?” He is SO open to hear about it, let me cry on his shoulder, and then give me much needed advice! Don’t wait around for him to figure things out….TALK about it! I guess what I am trying to say is that communication is the key to marriage! Without that, you don’t have a chance! I think you should also know that marriage is a lot of hard work, you need to constantly be putting the needs of your spouse before your own. I absolutely LOVE being married, you couldn’t pay me to join the dating world again….LOL. BUT – it’s a huge commitment which should be taken very seriously! If you are having problems with your current relationship….RUN!! (Sooooo serious!!) Those problems will only intensify with marriage! Make sure you can live with and accept his faults before deciding to spend the rest of your life with him!

Kiirsten & Brian
Marriage is a privilege, not a right.  Being married is a commitment to love and care for someone else because YOU LOVE THEM and WANT TO… period.  Compromise is a necessity that you must become comfortable with because you WILL disagree sometimes.  Marriage is trying to look through their eyes and look out for their best interest even if it’s not what you initially want.  Marriage is going through the ups and down of life with your best friend.  Marriage is creatively trying to make your best friend’s life better in small ways every day and in turn, it will fill your own life with satisfaction and joy.

 

Corie & Jared
Communication and service are the two keys in our marriage.  My husband and I are always communicating about the little and big things in life.  I feel we can both openly speak our minds and come to a solution working together.  With communication, another key is service.  We each try in our own ways to make the burden lighter for one another.  Whether I set out his breakfast the night before, or he gives the kids a bath, we are always trying to make life a little easier!

 

Kristen & Jason
Never look at other people’s marriages and think that their marriage is so perfect when yours is not because the truth is a “Perfect Marriage” is what you make it and every marriage has different trials.   Maybe your husband has to work a lot, which is causing arguments. and your friend’s marriage looks so perfect but secretly they are dealing with his alcohol problem or something. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side.

 

Erika & Justin
Marriage is work.  Yes, it’s wonderful but you have to put in the effort.  Don’t compare your marriage to anyone else. Everyone’s is different and wonderful in their own way.  You will have hard times.  Some people say it’s the first year.  Not for us!  Our hardest time so far has been the first few months of my son’s life.  It was quite the adjustment for us, but now that we’ve worked through it, we are closer then before. And lastly, I heard Will Smith once say about his marriage (I know…who would’ve thought I’d be quoting Will Smith on marriage) that you can’t ever think “What if this didn’t work out?” Or that is exactly what will happen.  You have to go into it knowing you’ll make it work no matter what.  If you do that, you will make the most of every situation because you know you are in it for the long haul!

 

Cami & Joseph
Marriage is the best!  I love it, but it is not without challenges.  Remember, whoever you marry (if he is your knight in shining armor or not) he will have his own issues.  Marriage is about bringing 2 different people together and making yourselves become one.  Be realistic, no matter who you marry there will be problems.  So you just have to figure out what problems you can deal with.  It’s as simple as that.  Just search for your perfect guy, find out his issues, and decide if you can put up with them or not.  But remember, have fun while doing it and LOVE your husband through all the ups and downs.  It’s great!

 

Charlene & Nathan
Marriage is what you make it.
What you put into your marriage is what you will get out of it. UNITY, LOVE, PURITY, PASSION, DEVOTION…. whatever your focus is, make it the center of your marriage and you will grow beautifully together… as a couple… as one.

 

Kari & Adam
Marriage is beautiful, comfortable, wonderful, and absolutely fulfilling in every way possible.  It is also a lot of work.  The minute that you stop trying, he will stop too.  Your spouse should always come first.  Before kids, before family, before friends.  He should always be the most important person in your life.  If you wake up each morning with the question, “what can I do to make my spouse happy today?”  Then you are putting the necessary work into your relationship and happiness inevitably will follow suit.

 

Lisa & Brent
Marriage is amazing!  You get to live with your best friend through every part of life.  You get to talk through problems and help each other through every decision that you need to make.  Of course there will be hard times and there will be trials you have to face but do it together and you will be alright.  Remember you need each other.  You need to rely and count on each other.  Never stop caring or trying!

 

Wendy & Nate
It seems in today’s world there are a lot of conversations about divorce, well,  I have noticed from hearing people talk, comments made, or things said to prove a point.  Don’t say something you don’t mean.  If you are marrying the love of your life, it shouldn’t ever be a suggestion, my hubby and I started out with wedding plans… #1 we NEVER say that “D” word.  It’s not worth it, the thought tends to be like cancer, once it is in your head it will spread.  Don’t think it ever.

 

Bridget & Justin
My marriage advice is – don’t take things too seriously.  We all have days when the house is a mess, bills need to paid, laundry needs to be done, and the kids are screaming.  Those are the times when we look at each other and laugh because life isn’t easy but we love each other and we are seeing each other through all this craziness.  Laughter makes things so much easier.  As long as you can tease each other…you can have a fight and say something funny and bounce right back to laughing together.  Another great thing to do is talk about and remember all the good times you have had.  Maybe it was dating, maybe a great vacation, but remember the time when you fell in love or the times that made you fall in love all over again.  When times get rough it will help you both remember what you love about each other.  Marriage is great, you could not pay me to be single again!  Don’t ever forget or stop trying to be in love.  You can get those butterflies all over again when you least expect it.

 

Lisa M. & Dom
Marriage is a full-time job!  Yes, this comes with ups and downs, but the good thing is that you get to do it together.  Take care of your husband and he will take care of you.

 

*       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *
I think you can see the trend here , right?!?  We all LOVE being married, but we are not lying when we tell you it’s a whole lotta work!  When you get married, you are basically committing to putting that OTHER person first for the rest of your life!  If your spouse does the same and you make sure to keep an open communication….you will have a FABULOUS and loving marriage!

In the meantime, while you are dating….we have TONZ of fun, creative, and inexpensive date ideas! {WINK}

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Recent Comments

6 Responses to “All The Single Ladies...”

  1. Lisa says:

    Tara! This turned out great! Good job DiVA! I even feel like I learned something from my own thoughts! tee hee

  2. Gwen says:

    These are all such great tips. I particularly love the advice about never even mentioning divorce. That's my favorite advice too.

  3. Marylin says:

    So I came upon this blog and I just have to leave a comment!! THIS IS SUCH A GREAT BLOG!! I love all the ideas because now that me and my husband have been able to go on more dates (we have a daughter that can babysit) we are always trying to come up with something to do!! Thanks for all the GREAT ideas and can't wait to use them!! :)

  4. Scrappy Gifts says:

    What great advice! Thanks for the reminders of what I can do to make my marriage better. It is constant work, but a wonderful blessing.

  5. Jennifer says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  6. Yvonne says:

    You girls are the epitome of the Proverbs 31 wife .. such great inspiration for both single ladies and married ladies looking for an example of what a Proverbs 31 wife looks like!


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