April 22, 2010

Let’s Grow Old Together....

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Chrissy - Updated Pinterst Pic - Newlywed

I had a conversation with some other teachers today that rather stuck with me…and made me a little sad!   It also made me think…and I thought I would share the experience as well as a few thoughts with all of you.

When asked about my weekend plans, I shared a little about the date I was planning for my husband.  A few of the teachers exclaimed things like, “That sounds like so much fun!” and  “He’s going to LOVE it!”
A few others mentioned that they wish they had the time or desire to plan a fun date OR they wished HE would plan a creative date.  Then came the comment that stuck with me:
“Ahhhh…you’re still a newlywed!  You’ll learn!”

She laughed as she said it, but I noticed that another teacher nodded in agreement.  Yes, it was a joke….but they were serious.  They continued on jokingly complaining about their husbands.
At first this made me sad…and then I realized I was also a little frustrated!  How is it that people don’t know that you can stay in the “newlywed” phase your entire life?  Or that as you continue to work on your marriage….it gets even BETTER than the newlywed phase?
I will be the first to admit that my marriage isn’t perfect….but that will be quickly followed by saying that it’s perfect for ME!  Why?  That’s too hard to answer in just one sentence, but I can start by saying that my husband and I work hard at our marriage and we are definitely reaping the rewards of doing so!

(photos courtesy of www.artoflivingonline.com)

I know you have all seen them – the sweet little old couples that shuffle along, still holding hands, both semi-blind and pretty darn deaf…and looking as in love as the day they were married.  That’s how I want Jamie and I to be!  Did those couple fight?  Of course!  But – they also had the desire to work things out, communicate, and then work even harder at their marriage!
I recently read an AMAZING book called, “Love As a Way of Life“. The author, Gary Chapman (who also wrote “The Five Love Languages”), described his wife in the most loving terms and then revealed his marriage secret.  Everyday he would ask his wife, “What can I do for you today?”  He said that at first his wife was surprised at the question…but would let him know how he could help her out.  Eventually, she started asking him the same thing!

They began to take pleasure in serving one another.  You can’t help but love those that you serve!  They quit looking out for #1…and shifted the focus to their spouse.  It worked WONDERS in their marriage and after reading that book….you can’t help but be a believer in the power of service!(P.S. I TOTALLY recommend that book!!!)

I know we are all SUPER busy!  I personally don’t have any kids.…yet…..but the other gals that contribute to this blog DO!  One of them is a mother of five kiddos…three being triplets!  :)  We also have other commitments – jobs, household duties, church callings, etc.  That is why we started this blog…so we could slow down a little and remember to focus on the one we started it all with!  You truly have to make the time!
Since starting this blog…and reading that awesome book….I have made a special effort to serve Jamie.  Just last night, I knew he would be getting home late….and might want to catch up on some of our FAV recorded TV shows.  I quickly popped some homemade cheesy popcorn….so he could also have his favorite treat.  It took me less than ten minutes.  We both laughed when he arrived home….armed with a half gallon of MY favorite treat – ice cream!
It was something SO simple…getting a treat for each other….but it made me realize how lucky I am to be married to such a guy…AND that my efforts are paying off!  I think we are BOTH making a special effort to try to put the other FIRST!  Two days ago – I send him a “love text” and he wrote back truly touched by my message.  His message BACK to me basically put me on cloud nine for the rest of the day!  Such a small thing can leave such a BIG impact!  I am now going to make a special effort to leave him some kind of a CUTE love note each week….something simple…that let’s him know how much he means to me!  I love that Erika just posted those love notes!

What a difference it makes to actually ENJOY your journey with the one you chose to spend the rest of your life with….instead of just ENDURING it!

Yep – I am sure hoping that I get to be one of those l’il ole grannies..who can’t hear a dang thing…and who STILL insists on holding her husband’s hand!   I want to be a “newlywed” for the rest of my life.  :)

Filed under Marriage 101, Tara · Tagged with ,

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Recent Comments

15 Responses to “Let’s Grow Old Together....”

  1. Kiirsty says:

    Awww! I love this post! I couldn't agree more. What better way could you reflect on your life as a "granny" with more satisfaction than to know that you made the very most of the years with your spouse. I'm motivated!

  2. Jill says:

    Love it, and I really needed to hear it…Thx

  3. Kari says:

    I love that you posted this. Adam and I have been striving for this as well. Mainly because my parents and grandparents have this kind of marriage so we have good examples to pattern our marriage after. But I never want to lose that feeling for him and when I hear other women complain about their husbands, it only makes me try all the harder at making my marriage above par.

  4. Cara says:

    Beautiful thoughts. Just another idea along the lines of love notes: After reading the book "The Wednesday Letters" I decided to send my hubby a love email every week, trying each time to tell him one reason I love him. He has mentioned several times how helpful this is during a stressful day to get a loving email and it helps me focus on the positive even when things are rough.

  5. Lisa says:

    What an adorable blog. Glad I came over from MMB.

  6. The Odd Couple says:

    Oh Tara! You are so darn cute! I love little old couples like that and I;m going to try and serve more. Thanks for the post!

  7. Us says:

    I adore this post, I think I am going to read it every week to remind myself!

  8. Ninny says:

    Thank you! And I can tell you from experience that the 'newlywed' phrase really can last. Me and my husband have been married 15 years and still adore each other. He still makes me laugh almost every day and I love to be there for him. Great post!

  9. theromanticvineyard says:

    Tara – I love hearing your desire to be "newlyweds" for the rest of your lives! I remember when Tom and I were first married (31 years ago) people would give me the same look – "oh just wait until…" – and I was sad too! We determined at the very outset of our marriage to purposely pursue each other, and now I can tell you as one of the "oldies" it has paid off! Continue to pray and ask God to help you, because there will be times when it isn't fun or easy, but He will help you. I love your blog!!! I'm going to add you to our blogroll on The Romantic Vineyard! Have a wonderful day!!
    Debi

  10. One Happy Family says:

    This life IS the honeymoon. We've got all of eternity to be married. :)

  11. Mari says:

    Great post! I really love to read this kind of message! I like to grow old with my husband as well and also be with him forever! Thank you so much!

  12. laurie says:

    I realize that this article is over a year old, but I’m still hoping someone reads the comments! I absolutely love this article. Whenever I would see older couples still holding hands I would gaze wistfully at them and wish my marriage could be so intimate. We have been married for over 30 years now and become way too complacent about our marriage. This winter we purposed to change that. We attended a “Weekend to Remember” Conference, started praying together every night and began “dating” each other again. I am thrilled with how quickly God has honored our obedience to cherish our marriage and each other. I am even (very much a beginner) blogging about our dates because our children encouraged me too! I love it that they can see the progress! Just another blessing!

    • Erika Erika says:

      What an amazing example to all of us! It has never been TOO long to start working on your marriage. I’m glad things have gone so well for you. Thanks for sharing.

  13. Suzi says:

    Another comment that is a year late…I just have to say how much I LOVE your blog! You gals are awesome! I hate it when people throw you the newlywed line, like its something to be ashamed of. My parents are in there 70’s and 60’s and after almost 40 years of marriage and raising 15 kids, they are still so in love. They are a huge example to me of making your marriage not only work, but making it fun! Whenever they are together and hear a song they like, no matter where they are, they will stop and dance. I’ve seen them dance in the middle of grocery stores, restaurants, parking lots and even pulling over on the side of the road just to share a dance. It used to really embarrass me as a kid but now I’m grateful for their example of taking those small opportunities to express their love for each other. Newlyweds ROCK!

  14. Jessica says:

    I have to tell you how much I have enjoyed finding this blog. It’s so encouraging to find other couples who are striving to keep their marriages happy and loving. I can so identify with your sentiments and corresponding frustration/sadness. My hubby and I just celebrated 12 years this Oct (with 7 little ones and 1 on the way =) and may I say, it has been wonderful. Not only are we still in the “honeymoon”, but I feel we have way surpassed the honeymoon. It just gets better all the time! Thank you for taking the time to share on this blog. I just love all your great ideas and have enjoyed planning some fun stuff for Christmas. Thank you for what you do here!!!


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