10 Things Husbands Wish Wives Knew

If there’s one thing that pretty much everyone knows about marriage it’s that communication is key!  It’s really hard to improve your relationship if you don’t know how your spouse is feeling or what he’s thinking.  Right?  So we divas decided to find out!

We created a survey that asked husbands what they really wish their wives knew.  

Then we sent it out to all of our husbands to fill out.  {Anonymously, of course, so they could be completely honest without worrying about getting in trouble for anything they said.}  😉   While we were at it,  we decided to share it with our married brothers, fathers, uncles, grandpas, and friends too.  We figured the more answers we got, the more we would learn about the “other side” of marriage.  But we didn’t stop there. We wanted to hear from your husbands, brothers, fathers, sons, uncles, grandpas, and friends too!  So we blasted it out on our facebook page and shared it in our newsletter too.

And the result was amazing!  Hundreds of men filled out our survey sharing their thoughts and feelings about their wives and marriages.  

We were seriously blown away with the responses that we received and wanted to share them all with you!  Now, we couldn’t share everything, everyone said – so we sorted through all the answers and compiled…

The TOP 10 Things Husbands Wish

That Their Wives Knew

These were the ten most common answers – the ones that kept popping up over and over again.  

10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew

Disclaimer: This post may contain affiliate links. To learn more about ’em, click here.

Now, before I reveal the answers – I just have to say how much we’ve enjoyed putting this post together.  We seriously loved getting to read all of the “secret” thoughts of our husbands and have learned so much.   We received responses from newlyweds and from husbands who have been married for 50 years.  We got answers from all over the country – and even from Canada, Germany, and Australia.  Some answers were simple, short, and straight-forward.  Others were long and eloquent.  But even with so many different men, it was amazing how the same answers (or variations of the same answers) kept coming up.

In all honesty, after sharing our survey with the world we sort of braced for impact.  I mean, we just told our husbands that we wanted to hear their input and we were ALL EARS!  This was their chance to “let us have it.”  We were ready to hear their complaints.  And while we did get a little of that, I have to say – we were blown away with their sweetness and sincerity.   I almost wish the survey wasn’t anonymous so we could share all of the amazing things your husbands said about you!  Yes, they mentioned a lot of things that we wives can work on, but mostly they just talked about how much they love and appreciate us.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t tear up once or twice.

At first, we were just going to paraphrase the top ten answers in our own words.  But we loved getting to read the real answers and the sincerity of our husbands – and we wanted you to be able to have that experience too.  SO in their own words, here is what…

 

“I Wish My Wife Knew…”

 #1–   That I Love Her

  • How much I love her…how much I crave a look, a touch…even a hand on my shoulder.
  • I love my wife dearly! I can’t imagine what life would be like without her nor do I want to. I just wish she could tap into my brain and understand how I feel about her.
  • That I loved her more than anything.
  • I wish she knew how much I really love her.
  • If there is only one thing I could make my wife understand it would be how much I love her.  I don’t know if words can every really do my feelings justice.
  • That I love her and that I am so happy being married to her.
  • You know how you can tell someone you love them? Well if only my wife knew how much I TRULY love her.
  • How much I really love and care about her.  At times I don’t give her my complete attention, distracted by the TV or my phone. Guys usually don’t multi-task well so I think sometimes she might feel ignored which is not cool. I want her to know that I’m sorry if I ever hurt her feelings or have ever made her feel ignored.  I love my wife so much! She deserves the very best.
  • How much I love her and how sorry I am for the times that I have ever hurt her.   I wish I could take back the times that I ever hurt her feelings.
  • That I love her more than words can describe.  I thought I loved her when I married her but the love grows bigger every day.  I never imagined I could be so happy.

#2  That She is Beautiful & Amazing

  • I wish she knew how beautiful and wonderful she really is… even though she doesn’t believe me.
  • I wish she understood how I see her.  She is a wonderful beautiful person but often has a hard time seeing that.
  • I guess I wish she knew how beautiful she is.  As much as I tell her she just doesn’t get it.  I think she is incredibly sexy.
  • I wish she knew how truly beautiful she is to me.  I wish she could see my feelings because I don’t express them well. I love her more than I know how to explain or show.
  • Every time I tell my wife she’s beautiful and sexy, it’s usually met with a skeptical scoff.  I  wish she knew I tell the truth and think she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.
  • I wish my wife knew that she doesn’t need to do everything perfectly.  She does so many things amazingly that she believes that everything she tries needs to be perfect. I don’t like that she gets down when she messes up on one thing.
  • How I feel and think in my mind about her.  How grateful I am about the little things even if I don’t always show it.
  • You are better than you think you are.  Thank you for being so gracious.  Thank you for your help with the small things and for your input.
  • I wish she knew how important she is to me.  Her self esteem holds her back, she’s capable of so much more.  Women are amazing. I have grown so much because of my wife and am very grateful for all that she does for our family.
  • She doesn’t have to be the “perfect mom.”  Every other mom has difficult challenges, too.  No, they don’t “have it all together”. They are figuring it out just like you.  Stop comparing yourself.  You’re enough just the way you are.
  • That I can achieve much, much more than I can ever imagined with her help, support, and love.  Every time I feel alone, insecure, incomplete, and insignificant she reminds me through her being there physically and spiritually that I am none of those things.

 

{Aren’t our husbands amazing, ladies?!  Seriously- we picked some good men!!  Now… the next answers talk about things we can improve on as wives.  Please read with an open heart and consider your own, personal marriage and things you can work on individually.  Not everything will apply to everyone, but we honestly believe that we can learn so much from our husbands.}  

#3That I am Trying

  • I am a long ways from being the perfect husband and father but I am trying, so keep being patient!
  • I wish she knew that I really want to please her, in all ways.  I always try and I don’t mess up on purpose.
  • I wish wives knew that their husbands would move the earth for them but sometimes we do not know how to convey it.
  • I absolutely adore her I just seem to find it difficult to bring the message across, particularly in the area of birthdays and special occasions.
  • I wish my wife knew how much it hurts when she gets upset with me. I don’t try to upset her but sometimes it happens and I feel badly about it. When she gets upset I fee badly about upsetting her and also with myself for doing whatever stupid thing I did.
  • I wish my wife knew more patience.  I’m trying.
  • I think that when women imagine the perfect husband and father and what they hope we will become it is often an unrealistic expectation that is influenced by media (romantic comedies, etc.) We try to be romantic but we just aren’t flowing with it all the time!
  • I am not a very good conversationalist. It always seems that I say the wrong things or that every word is being analyzed. I then feel pressured to choose my words wisely so they can’t be interpreted in any other way. I’m trying.  But I feel like I can’t win.
  • I wish she knew how much I worry about our future and my ability to provide for her the life I know she deserves.
  • Men like to hear about your feelings but can you not misconstrue what we say or complain when we have something to say.  We’re trying to communicate but we need you to listen too.
  • When I said forever in my vows I meant it and I intend to do my best to make it a great forever.

#4–  That Hints Don’t Work

  • Hints don’t work well with us. Be direct!
  • No, I can’t read your mind.  Just tell me what you want.
  • Husbands are simple creatures. We can’t read minds.
  • I know you like being surprised with romantic gestures, but it’s really hard when I’m not creative and have no idea what your expectations really are.  Just tell me what you want and I’ll move heaven and earth to make it happen.  Why isn’t that romantic?
  • I wish my wife knew that something doesn’t have to be a surprise to be romantic.  It’s romantic because I made a choice to love you the way you want to be loved.
  • Men aren’t complicated.  Just tell us what you want.  Don’t hint at it.  Tell us.  And please don’t complain about our shortcomings to others without even telling us what you expected to be done in the first place.
  • I wish wives knew how to communicate directly.  If you’re unhappy with something I’m doing- tell me!  Don’t tell your sister, mom, or friend.
  • If you want something just tell me.  Doesn’t matter if it’s something you want to buy, a gift you want to receive, a place you want to go, or a date you want me to plan- just tell me.  I’m probably not going to figure it out on my own.
  • Tell your husband how you want him to react when you are venting.  Don’t make him guess or figure it out.  Otherwise you both get frustrated with each other.
  • Tell us when you only want us to listen.  We men are always in fix it mode so any problem brought to our attention starts drawing out a solution from our heads. If our wives could say that their problem is that they only need a listening ear for this problem we can fix the problem by being that listening ear. That makes us happy because we are a part of the solution and didn’t get in trouble for offering a improper solution. Our wives would be happy too because they got the listening ear. If we ask, they want the listening ear or a solution it can come across as condescending.

#5–  That I Want to be Her #1

  • You married me first before the kids.
  • I want to be the most important thing to her. There is a lot on her plate but I often feel like I’m a long way down the list.
  • Our children require a lot of her attention.  I would LOVE for her to set some time apart for just me.
  • Wives are too over-scheduled and distracted with many different activities in life.  I wish I was on her to-do list.
  • Men love to be very important to and wooed by their wives.  Men don’t want to be the pursuer and initiators all of the time.
  • Yes, I always want to fix your problems.  Sorry if it’s annoying, but I just want to be your hero.
  • I’m your husband but I also want to be your best friend.
  • I don’t need anything fancy – I just want your company.  Everyone else gets your time.  Can I?
  • When we first started dating and got married I felt like I was her world.  Now I wonder if there’s room in her world for me.
  • She is the most important person to me in the world.  I want to feel like I’m the same for her.

#6–  That I Want to be Appreciated

  • I wish wives knew just how much the role of father and provider is being trampled on these days and just how important it actually is.
  • I go to work every day not for me, but for my wife. So she can be provided for and doesn’t have to go to work herself. It would mean a lot to me if she showed appreciation for that. I feel it is something taken for granted rather than appreciated. I also wish she could understand that her appreciation, love, and intimacy is a big key to my happiness.
  • That husbands need to feel appreciated by their wives for what they do.
  • Sometimes, life is hard. Work can be hard.  Responsibilities can be hard. But when you know that your wife is on your team, it makes a world of difference.  Thanks for being so supportive!
  • I want my wife to be proud of me.
  • I ultimately want to be loved for who I am now instead of what I could be. Often I don’t feel loved because she expects more than I can deliver. If I feel loved now unconditionally and it shows from her, than it makes me want to be better and ultimately become who she wants me to be in long run.
  • There have been several decades of men being devalued and marginalized. Being valued for our masculine gifts is rare and appreciated. The simple ‘thank you’ and a kiss on the cheek can keep up our spirits for quite some time.
  • Not to keep score and rub it in. Yes, moms do a great service – one of the greatest and hardest services in society.  But husbands put in a lot of energy in their jobs to make it possible for wives to stay home and do their jobs, but my wife sometimes forgets that.
  • The intentional displays of respect to your husband will do more to buoy him as a husband and father. We want to do all we can for our family, even more when we know it is appreciated.
  • Fathers and husbands have an incredible obligation of not only being a provider like fathers and husbands were a generation ago, but there are more demands to be more involved in housework, raising children, and day-to-day tasks than ever before.

#7That Positivity is Attractive

  • Be positive!  Be grateful, our life is already wonderful. You are already beautiful, act like it. Our kids are already angels, enjoy them. Our lives are blessed. Stress less, be grateful.
  • If you want your husband to like you and like being around you, be pleasant and positive.  Don’t nag and complain.
  • Kindness is the key. In actions, words, and looks. We want to hear good things. I’ve heard there should be three positive statements for every one negative.
  • Instead of focusing on a single flaw in the picture, take a step back and look at the entire picture as a whole.  If women analyzed the whole picture instead of a single flaw sometimes that flaw wouldn’t be as big of a deal.  Look for the good in us and in life.  Not the bad.
  • Negativity is ugly.  I married you because you were pretty.
  • One of the main reasons I married my wife is she doesn’t get offended, she doesn’t hold a grudge, and forgives my shortcomings. She also communicates openly and honestly and positively. I see too many women that don’t forgive, don’t give the benefit of the doubt, and hide their true feelings until they come raging out.
  • When my wife is happy, I am happy.
  • My wife’s mood has a huge effect on my mood.  It’s hard to be positive when you’re around someone who is negative.  But it’s also easy to be happy when you’re around someone who is smiling and laughing.
  • My wife is never more beautiful than when she is smiling at me.  (And I love when I am the reason for that smile)
  • When I’m at work at all day, I’m surrounded by unhappy, negative people.  I look forward to coming home to a happy home.

#8That Her Words Matter

  • I wish my wife knew how tremendously powerful her voiced opinion is to me. When she compliments me or is impressed by something I’ve done, I soar for days. When she critiques my faults and nags about my shortcomings, I go in a hole for days. Anyone else could say the exact same words and they wouldn’t carry nearly the same weight. But what she thinks about me matters so much to me.
  • A wife has the power to motivate or demoralize her husband. Please choose words and actions wisely.
  • I guess what I wish for my wife is that she would build me more often through the things she said. Telling me specifically things she loved about me. It means so much when I do hear those things.
  • Please pay close attention to how you treat your husband in front of other guys. If you build your husband up in front of other guys, it counts for double.  If you tear down your husband in front of other guys, it hurts twice as much.
  • I wish she knew how often she speaks down to me and how small and undesirable that makes me feel.
  • When you say things you don’t mean but you still say it, it still hurts.
  • I wish she knew that I actually have feelings.
  • I wish she knew that sometimes I need to be told that I look hot, or handsome, or sexy too.
  • I wish wives knew that when they complain about their husbands (to friends, family, etc.) it makes the husband look bad but they never seem to approach him on these issues.
  • Don’t compare me to your friends’ husbands.

#9–  That Sex Matters

  • Sex is NOT just sex.  It makes me feel loved.
  • Yes, I do think a lot about sex. When we have sex, I feel more connected to her.
  • I wish my wife knew that it’s not a bad thing that I think about sex a lot.  It means I think about HER a lot.  Why is that wrong?
  • Intimacy is a big key to my happiness and well being.  She is the only person I can turn to for intimacy and it hurts when it is not on her list of importance.
  • Just understand that when we know you aren’t in the mood for sex specifically and you sometimes have the attitude of “Fine, let’s just do it and get it over with”, it makes us feel like you aren’t desiring US! We would rather have you tell us you are just too tired and let’s try again in the morning.
  • That physical intimacy coupled with words of affirmation is an important way to help me to feel loved and needed in a relationship.
  • The best way to love me is to be responsive to sex.
  • Sex will almost always beat sleeping!  It’s that important to me.
  • I wish she understood how strong of a sex drive that I have. I do not know why I am wired the way I am, but I truly do continuously and always desire her.  I don’t know why that isn’t flattering to her?
  • I wish she knew that sex should be fun not dreaded.  She treats it like a chore on her to-do list instead of having fun with it.   I don’t want to be a chore to her.
  • I wish my wife knew how important sex is for me. Men by nature are not the best communicators when it comes to talking so it is hard for us to verbally communicate our feelings. For a lot of men we let our feelings and love show through actions and touch.  In my wife’s mind we need to talk about things, in my mind instead of having a long drawn out conversation… let me show you how much I love you. Let me touch you, let me make you feel my love through my touch. (When I say touch I don’t always mean sex) but sex is a very important part of marriage.
  • For me, making love to my wife is the closest we can possibly be, two bodies join together physically to become one, at that time the only thing that matters is the two of us. At that time we are connected on a level that I can’t show anyone else. When you take away our ability to touch our wives, you take away our ability to communicate clearly. Now I do know that there are many ways to communicate besides touch and sex, but I also know I am much better at communication through actions and touch than words.

#10–  That Sometimes I Just Like to be Left Alone

  • Sometimes I just want to relax.
  • That we sometimes need FIVE MINUTES to decompress when we get home. Then we are all yours.
  • I wish my wife truly understood that sometimes I actually have nothing going on in my head.
  • Men just want to be left alone sometimes. There are times that I want to be left alone to be quiet, angry, or upset. You don’t need to know what I’m thinking all the time.
  • I wish she would understand that sometimes I like to just relax and be left alone after a long day at work.  I’m not trying to be lazy.
  • I wish she knew that I need a break and need to just rest sometimes.  I don’t feel like I can without getting nagged.
  • That as much as we love being with you, sometimes we need our own time to unwind and relax, whether it’s playing video games, working in the garage, or going shooting.
  • Sometimes we just need to be left alone. We (at least myself) know certain projects on the to do list NEED to get finished or started…. but what is URGENT to her may not be urgent to us.
  • If you can feel your man’s love in most other capacities, do you really need to make him sit down and verbally communicate every 5 minutes?
  • When we talk about a man cave it is not to get away from you for negative reasons but just a spot where we can pass gas, be immature, and watch sports with no judgement.

Ha ha ha!  That last answer cracked us up!  

If you’re dying to know which question came in at #11 and almost made the top ten cut… 

#11–  That Sometimes I’d Like for Her to Try My Interests and Hobbies

  • We husbands like to engage in your activities but y’all should make an effort to like our activities too.
  • I’d love for my wife to be my weekend caddy.
  • I wish my wife knew that surfing is fun.
  • Activities together are important.  I wish she’d try something new with me.
  • My wife does the things the kids want to do with them, but not what I want to do with me.

And just for kicks… here’s our favorite, funny response…

  • It’s cool that we’re comfortable enough to use the bathroom with the door open, but you should really keep that door closed.

Hey, it’s not bad advice!  In all seriousness though, we hope you’ve enjoyed reading these responses as much as we have.   We really were impressed with the caliber of men that wrote in!  We know how to pick ’em, ladies!  In fact, quite a few of them mentioned how much they appreciate The Dating Divas website, how glad they are that their wives read it and use the ideas to show them love, and several even suggested we start “The Dating Dudes” for all the men out there.  Now wouldn’t that be fun?!  Do you think your husband would read that?

*Update!* We’ve heard “For Women Only – What You Need To Know About The Inner Lives Of Men” is a must-read if you want to keep reading on this fascinating topic! We’ve put it on our reading list, for sure! Have you read it? What did you think?

*Update!* Due to the popularity of this post, we also did a survey for the women and found out 10 Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew!

Want to read more posts like this one?

Wish you could read your spouse’s mind?

Dating Divas Survey

Help us out and…

FILL OUT OUR QUICK SURVEY!

We’re looking for some great feedback from YOU! Answer just a couple quick questions to help the Divas give you exactly what you’re looking for!!

Pssttt… if you liked this post, you’ll love 10 Reasons Why You Should Spoil Your Spouse (Not Your Children) AND 10 Ways to Keep the Romance Alive AFTER Kids.

About the Author: Becca

Besides my hilariously witty husband, I love a good book, sappy songs, old black-and-white movies, cute crafts, and all things chocolate. With three (seriously adorable) little girls at home, my life is giggly, frilly, glittery, and very, very pink!

We Love Your Comments

We LOVE hearing from our readers! Thanks for leaving us some love!
P.S. If you want a picture to show up next to your comments, get set up with a gravatar!

Recent Comments

116 Responses to 10 Things Husbands Wish Wives Knew

  1. Awesome responses by these wonderful men. This has inspired me to make some fundamental changes in my thinking and doing towards my man! I think the Dating Dudes is an excellent idea. Just keep it simple and straight forward without to much of the fancy preparation. I can’t imagine my husband doing all the printable stuff like I love to do! I am not sure if I can write this as part of may commenta but Also, couples could check out mark gungor’s “laugh you way to a better marriage” I have been to the seminar and have his DVD. Helps us understand the different way men and women think (sex is one of the key topics ) and how to take steps towards better marriage! I think what your site does is truely amazing and The hard work that you all put into making this site is very appreciated. You ladies are talented, and dedicated to helping better marriages everywhere !

    1. Weren’t the responses great? We learned a lot too. We’re actually thinking about starting with a newsletter for men only- simple, straightforward. Nothing cutesy. Stay tuned- and maybe you can get your man to sign up. lol. 🙂 And YES!! We love Mark Gungor!! His little bit about the “nothing box” is hysterical and so true! Thanks so much for your kind words, Cheryl. You’re the best. XOXO

  2. I loved this so much! Makes me want to be better for my sexy man! Dating dudes would be greatly appreciated by my husband! He checks out the dating divas website and enjoys doing the “monthly Love calendars”. I think any ideas for men would help, as sometimes they struggle in the romance department! Thanks for all you do!

    1. That’s exactly how I felt! They had such great insights. We’re thinking we’ll start with a newsletter just for the men with fun and easy ideas they can use. Stay tuned and maybe you can get your husband to sign up for it! Sounds like you’ve got a great man. 🙂

  3. I loved reading this post! My husband said last week that he wished there was a website like Dating Divas with dates and ideas for husbands to surprise their wives. We love your site!

  4. This was totally awesome! In my head, I know these things but I needed the reminder. Thanks for doing the research and letting us know what men think.

    1. You’re so welcome! I’m the same way- none of the responses were a big surprise but I love the way they worded everything. Totally gained new insights.

  5. This is a great article. I’ve been lucky enough to be married to a man that has told me all these things and we have such a stronger relationship because of it. Thanks for taking the time to put this post together .

  6. Wow! I was blown away by the first two. My husband said these were pretty spot on. I felt inspired to give him a list as well, because knowing his list really helped me.
    10 things I wish my husband knew about me:

    1. That I need him.
    I have so many juggling balls and I feel like I am never succeeding at this juggling act. I feel like I’m not a good enough mother, not a good enough wife, not a good enough worker because I have so many balls to juggle and I can never give 100% to any of them. I need you! You’re my knight. You’re my hero. You’re my Prince Charming. You’re my man. You make me stronger. I need you.

    2. That I want to feel beautiful and wonderful.
    But it is so hard to feel beautiful and wonderful in this Pinterest Perfect, media saturated world filled with images of size 6 super models, clothing that tells me I need to be sexy 24/7, when my skin has been stretched and scarred and my body has been irrevocably misshapen and i don’t fit into my old clothes anymore. I have been told since the day I was born and someone said ‘isn’t she beautiful’, that what I look like is the most important thing. My toys even told me. But I’m so much more- i have intelligence, heart, creativity, ingenuity, strength, kindness. And I don’t know if I’m meant to be a stay-at-home mum who fills my child’s day with educationally crafted activities, or a career- power woman, or some how stretch myself between both. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m anything.
    I want you to know our daughters are growing up saturated by these messages as well.

    3. Sometimes it feels like you’re not even trying.
    I tell you something I need or would like you do and nothing happens. So I try and tell you again, and then I’m a ‘nagging wife’. I feel like a rock in a hard place.

    4. Being appreciated makes all the difference.
    When you tell me you can see all those juggling balls and you think I’m amazing for doing that, it gives me wings and I feel like I can actually keep going! When you tell me ‘thank you’, I love doing it. When you ask me if there’s something you can do to help me, I feel understood.

    5. I want to be your partner.
    It’s so incredibly demoralising to feel like anything less than you’re equal and you’re partner. I want to be part of the decision making & planning. I want to be asked ‘what do you think about…’ I don’t want to be your mother, and I don’t want to be your maid. I want to do this life together beside you, not following you, or walking on a completely different path.

    6. That I feel guilty all the time.
    I’m not doing enough for my kids. I’m not giving my husband enough time, enough sex, enough of me. I’m not keeping up with the housework, not doing enough exercise… The list goes on. There is a never ending to-do list running through my head 24/7. People get hungry and run out of clothes when I don’t get through my to-do list. I often am still working on my to-do list late into the night. And I go to bed feeling guilty.

    7. That I would love to love sex.
    My sex drive is HALF what yours is. And I have strange hormones that you don’t have messing around with my head and my body and I don’t always even know it. If I’m lucky (maybe because you’re super sensitive and find out what works), sex is physically fulfilling most of the time (that means I climax). It’s not unusual though for this to happen 3/4, half or even less. You get it EVERY single time.
    I’m ALWAYS tired! My to-do list is long and if I don’t get through that list BEFORE we have sex, I’ll be feeling guilty and I’ll be thinking about it. And then I won’t climax. Which makes sex less interesting.
    I am SO embarrassed to spell out what what works for me, because I’m worried you won’t want to do that, or sometimes I tell you and then you never do it again, or sometimes you just plough right ahead without stopping to find out and that makes me think you’re not interested in knowing.
    Did I mention how tired I am?
    I feel so guilty and like such a failure as a woman when you want sex and I don’t have the same drive that you have, or have to say ‘no’. Even when you say it’s ok. It would be the equivalent of you not being able to get it up. 9 times out of 10.
    What you do before sex has such an impact on my sex drive. Hold my hand. Help me get that to-do list done quicker. Tell me you love me out of the bedroom. Let me get all the ‘stuff’ out of my head so I can be free to think only about you.

    8. Kindness matters. Thoughtfulness matters.
    Oh how the little things, strengthen my tiny wings.

    9. Sometimes I just need to be me.
    The me I was before I was a mum or a wife. I need to do the things I did before my to-do list got too long. I need to wear the clothes and make up and have my hair done (without poop, or drool or rice bubbles stuck to me somewhere) to remind me that I’m a woman- a beautiful, amazing woman. I need to be with my friends, or on my own, or just with you (like when we were dating). I walk ALWAYS, put me at the bottom of my to-do list. It’s what I was hard-wired to do.

    10. I love you.
    You make me feel beautiful and amazing. You gave me children. You look at me with those eyes and that longing and it fills me with significance. You protect me. I live to make you happy. I dreamed of walking down the isle to you since the first time I read/watched Cinderella. I want to make you feel your manliness. I want to be yours, heart, body and soul.

    And if you desperately want to know what 11. Is:
    Hormones suck! They drive me crazy. They start messing with me around age 10 and don’t stop until my 60s. They mess with my hair, my skin, my weight, my emotions, my sex drive, my energy, without warning, several times a month, with very little that I can do to regulate them, often without me knowing or understanding how much they are at play. If I do want to regulate them I have to take a tablet, every single day! Please, be understanding, please be patient. Please be gracious.

    1. Love that you made your own list for your husband, Michelle!! I think most women would agree with most everything you wrote! We’ve actually been wondering if we should do another survey- this time for the wives! If we do, we’d LOVE to use your thoughtful responses. Is that okay?

  7. I loved reading this! I’ve spent over half of my life married & still need reminded of these truths!!! So true on the very last one…your favorite funny one!!

  8. What an awesome article!! (And one i definitely needed to read!) I want to say ‘especially number ….’ but really, all of it has given me a lot to think about and act on! Thanks so much for putting this together 🙂

  9. What a great article to read on Monday morning. Have to stay reminded of what is important. Going to work on the attitude and positivity. Thank you Ladies!

  10. I was reading through my newsletter with my husband beside me, and we went through this list together. It made for an excellent and impromptu conversation. LOVED this post. I feel much closer and more full of love for my husband after reading & discussing this together. Thank you for all the time and effort put into it.

  11. oops, I was real quick on the fingers there! Absolutely loved this article. Definitely opened my eyes on several things here. I was married for 30 yrs (widowed) and after a while took a few things for granted. In a new relationship now and although I don’t intend on remarrying again, I am taking away so many flirty fun tips from this site to share w/my new man. Keep up the good work girls!

  12. YAHOO!! Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to our husbands and share their valuable opinions and thoughts! Praying that wives will read this and start conversations with their hubby’s or just KNOW that their husbands love them! Really appreciate their candidness and their desire for great marriages!

    Both my hubby and I read For Women Only and For Men Only when we were courting. We read the “right” book highlighting, writing in the margins….then we swapped books. It was really interesting to read each others comments along with the info in the books! We HIGHLY recommend them both!
    Thanks for your work on putting this post together! Praying that marriages and communication are improved because of this post!

    Blessings,
    Chris

  13. Hi!! I’m not married but some of this answers are things that my boyfriend have told me sometimes and now I can almost hear his voice when I read again this article. For now, I know how to be a better girlfriend and be prepared to be a lovely wife 😉

    Thank you!! 😀 Making surveys it’s not an easy task, but the results are amazing!! 😀 #handsdown

  14. Great article! I have read for women only. I have been married 14 years, best thing I ever did for my marriage and it is my standard wedding gift now.

  15. #9 is interesting that most women feel the need to resist against their husbands desires about sex with them. You should conduct another survey to women just on this question alone. If this issue could be restored, I believe many marriages would be happier and run longer.

    1. Great post and great comment, Becca! This tends to be quite an issue in marriages. One thing I think men (and women) don’t understand is that just like most men are “wired” to want sex all the time, most women are “wired” to want something else all the time, whether that be quality time, romantic gestures, words of affirmation, etc. One thing that kind of frustrates me though is that men sometimes say, “well, I’m not wired to communicate well with you or give you gifts or do something romantic. I wish you would just understand that about me and deal with it.” What if women said that about sex? There’d be quite a different reaction. How about we all try because we love our spouse and want to see them happy. Men can try (you say you can’t read her mind but after being married to her for a while, you should pick up on the things she likes you to do), and women can try. Men want women to want sex more and women want men to communicate and be romantic more. We can’t change each other but we can try to find ways to speak each other’s love languages and not just accept that we are who we are so just deal with it. Just my thoughts on that.

      1. I totally agree! Great comment, Sara! Marriage is all about learning to show love the way our spouse needs and wants it. We have another follow-up post coming up soon just about the sex and intimacy aspect of marriage, I can’t wait to see what the husbands AND wives say!

  16. I loved the thoughts they shared. My spouse is a woman but I could really hear her saying most if not all of these. I’ve always thought there should be a dating dudes site. Most guys, and some women, just need non frou frou adviceon how to be more romantic.

    1. So glad you enjoyed the article, Kay! We’re thinking about starting a “non frou frou” newsletter for the guys to see if that helps. 🙂

  17. I love this list and it opened my eyes. One discrepancy though. I have a higher sex drive than my husband. He is content with a once a week romp and I would love a daily. Its annoying that all women are placed in a Virgin Mary role, where we resist sex and our husbands are raging for it. I would love for my husband to want it more:( It makes me feel loved when he acts like he desires me and that’s about once a week:(

      1. I completely understand! My husband is the first man I’ve been with that has a lower sex drive than me and it was hard for me to accept. We are in the 2-3 times a week range plus time off for period plus 2 days. The only way I’ve learned to deal with it is that it’s absolutely amazing when we do. Completely selfless lover is best 🙂

  18. This is a great list of thoughts! I think you should do one for men from woman so they can clearly understand where we as woman come from too. 🙂

  19. I love that these husbands are actually telling us what they want and need and how to make them feel good. This is very important for us as wives to know. I do have a question about the men needing time to themselves, everyone does. Now, I myself am not a mother but, some earlier answers say that the wife has all these people wanting her attention, when the husband wants and needs it too. So, I guess my question is when everyone is wanting and needing the mother/wife’s attention and the husband needs his alone time, when does the wife get hers?

    1. That’s a good question Katie and definitely a tricky one too! I think it really comes down to communication and what works best for each individual couple. I know that for me, I try to give my husband some “down time” right after her gets home from work to de-stress and unwind. Then he returns the favor for me and watches the kids while I take some “me time” to relax, exercise, or take a long bath. Then after bed we get to spend time together. It’s something that we’ve talked about and worked out together though, and it definitely changes based on our schedules and our kids’ needs.

  20. Oh my! I was crying by the end of the first point, and almost all the way through the rest! I can see my husband in every one of the comments, and it makes me appreciate and understand him so much more. I loved this post! Thank you for giving us a glimpse into what our husbands are thinking and things they wish we understood better! This was very touching.

  21. I’ve been married 35 years, and ladies, I can tell you, you CAN get to this point of understanding. I understand all of these suggestions, and I have a beautiful marriage. It is just beautiful. It wasn’t always. Also, regarding sex, to put it succinctly, men view sex as an affirmation of your love for them, women view sex as a culmination of courting. So, men, court your wives. Women, show your husbands you love them.

  22. This article was a great read for me! Most of things stated here- I can relate to. This article made me appreciate my man even more. I do admit that I have shortcomings, but I haven’t really been working on then till now; now that I know how it makes my man feel. Thank you so much for coming up with this article! More power to you and your team!

    1. Thanks so much for your comment, we’re so happy you enjoyed it. Reading the men’s perspective really made me appreciate my husband even more too. We ALL have things we can work on. 🙂

  23. Thank you for sharing this! I read it with my husband and it sparked some really deep conversations about small things that we as wives can let fall through the cracks, but that mean so much to our husbands. Great article – and kudos to the men who answered these questions so candidly!!

  24. As a older woman I love the article. I was taught to be a ride or die chick and to make my man feel like he was always number 1.So even though my first husband was a cheater I did my part, so when our marriage ended it was all on him. I say that to say this with my husband now I’m having the best time, sex and everything in between because I left bitterness and anger behind. And I treat my husband with respect, dignity and love as a true ride or die chick. It’s funny because he never heard that term before we are interracial and I treat him like a king because to me he earned it not just with me but because he was treated just like what the husbands on the survey spoke about. We both suffered through a lot in our first marriages and we thank God for bringing us together. we all should pay attention and go on a fantastic ride with our man til death do us part, not division or divorce. Be blessed ladies.

  25. Good article. Good men are so very uncelebrated. And, ABSOLUTELY YES, read Shaunti Feldham’s For Women Only. She and her husband wrote a couple of others, too, including yhe counterpart, For Men Only (which I’ve read, too). I’ve given the set for a wedding gift more than once. They really are good, easy reads.

  26. Problem comes from where? It is matter of clicking, adjusting and no expectation, then only relationship works, anything coming from other side looks big.According to me, lack of communication is the main culprit.only angles and God understand the inside feeling, so for the God sake speak up or show it. That,s it😊

  27. What a great article! I really appreciate the honesty, and most of it i ‘knew’ in the back of my mind but didn’t want to admit it. This article made me accept and cherish the relationship that I have with my husband and has inspired me to take more action and responsibility into understanding his needs and wants.

  28. I absolutely loved this article, I’m getting married next month and it’s my 2nd marriage! I want this one to last forever! He is such a beautiful man, inside and out, so loving and compassionate and most of all patient because I know I can be a Handful! Lol, but this helps me to see what I can work on to make him happy and to contribute to a happy marriage, home, and life! Thanks so much!!!

  29. Wonderful article! What I wouldn’t give to meet an amazing man like those you’ve interviewed. I was beginning to wonder if all men were like my ex who had an affair and walked out on his family after 23 years together. I guess there are still good men out there. Names! I need names! 🙂

  30. I seriously needed to read this and just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for going through all the effort of putting this together and posting. I cried and felt so many emotions…in a good way – a lot of things I have forgotten about that desperately needed to remember as a wife and busy mom. I love my husband so much, but I too have a hard time actually showing it I guess. I’m going to be better. I want to smile for him. So thank you again.

  31. Hi! Thank you so much for the fabulous post & all of the fantastic information, You’ve done an excellent job. I will definitely digg it and personally suggest to my friends. I’m sure they’ll be benefited from this web site

    1. You’re right! We did a follow-up post with 10 Things Wives Wish Husbands Knew. You should check it out. That one was just as interesting. 🙂

  32. This is an amazing read! I will be saving this and praying over it. That God will change my heart. Sometimes us ladies just need a reminder. THank you so much for doing this!