June 30, 2015

10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew

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If there’s one thing that pretty much everyone knows about marriage it’s that communication is key!  It’s really hard to improve your relationship if you don’t know how your spouse is feeling or what he’s thinking.  Right?  So we divas decided to find out!

We created a survey that asked husbands what they really wish their wives knew.  

Then we sent it out to all of our husbands to fill out.  {Anonymously, of course, so they could be completely honest without worrying about getting in trouble for anything they said.}  😉   While we were at it,  we decided to share it with our married brothers, fathers, uncles, grandpas, and friends too.  We figured the more answers we got, the more we would learn about the “other side” of marriage.  But we didn’t stop there. We wanted to hear from your husbands, brothers, fathers, sons, uncles, grandpas, and friends too!  So we blasted it out on our facebook page and shared it in our newsletter too.

And the result was amazing!  Hundreds of men filled out our survey sharing their thoughts and feelings about their wives and marriages.  

We were seriously blown away with the responses that we received and wanted to share them all with you!  Now, we couldn’t share everything, everyone said – so we sorted through all the answers and compiled…

The TOP 10 Things Husbands Wish

That Their Wives Knew

These were the ten most common answers – the ones that kept popping up over and over again.  

10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew

Now, before I reveal the answers – I just have to say how much we’ve enjoyed putting this post together.  We seriously loved getting to read all of the “secret” thoughts of our husbands and have learned so much.   We received responses from newlyweds and from husbands who have been married for 50 years.  We got answers from all over the country – and even from Canada, Germany, and Australia.  Some answers were simple, short, and straight-forward.  Others were long and eloquent.  But even with so many different men, it was amazing how the same answers (or variations of the same answers) kept coming up.

In all honesty, after sharing our survey with the world we sort of braced for impact.  I mean, we just told our husbands that we wanted to hear their input and we were ALL EARS!  This was their chance to “let us have it.”  We were ready to hear their complaints.  And while we did get a little of that, I have to say – we were blown away with their sweetness and sincerity.   I almost wish the survey wasn’t anonymous so we could share all of the amazing things your husbands said about you!  Yes, they mentioned a lot of things that we wives can work on, but mostly they just talked about how much they love and appreciate us.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t tear up once or twice.

At first, we were just going to paraphrase the top ten answers in our own words.  But we loved getting to read the real answers and the sincerity of our husbands – and we wanted you to be able to have that experience too.  SO in their own words, here is what…

 

“I Wish My Wife Knew…”

 #1–   That I Love Her

  • How much I love her…how much I crave a look, a touch…even a hand on my shoulder.
  • I love my wife dearly! I can’t imagine what life would be like without her nor do I want to. I just wish she could tap into my brain and understand how I feel about her.
  • That I loved her more than anything.
  • I wish she knew how much I really love her.
  • If there is only one thing I could make my wife understand it would be how much I love her.  I don’t know if words can every really do my feelings justice.
  • That I love her and that I am so happy being married to her.
  • You know how you can tell someone you love them? Well if only my wife knew how much I TRULY love her.
  • How much I really love and care about her.  At times I don’t give her my complete attention, distracted by the TV or my phone. Guys usually don’t multi-task well so I think sometimes she might feel ignored which is not cool. I want her to know that I’m sorry if I ever hurt her feelings or have ever made her feel ignored.  I love my wife so much! She deserves the very best.
  • How much I love her and how sorry I am for the times that I have ever hurt her.   I wish I could take back the times that I ever hurt her feelings.
  • That I love her more than words can describe.  I thought I loved her when I married her but the love grows bigger every day.  I never imagined I could be so happy.

#2  That She is Beautiful & Amazing

  • I wish she knew how beautiful and wonderful she really is… even though she doesn’t believe me.
  • I wish she understood how I see her.  She is a wonderful beautiful person but often has a hard time seeing that.
  • I guess I wish she knew how beautiful she is.  As much as I tell her she just doesn’t get it.  I think she is incredibly sexy.
  • I wish she knew how truly beautiful she is to me.  I wish she could see my feelings because I don’t express them well. I love her more than I know how to explain or show.
  • Every time I tell my wife she’s beautiful and sexy, it’s usually met with a skeptical scoff.  I  wish she knew I tell the truth and think she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.
  • I wish my wife knew that she doesn’t need to do everything perfectly.  She does so many things amazingly that she believes that everything she tries needs to be perfect. I don’t like that she gets down when she messes up on one thing.
  • How I feel and think in my mind about her.  How grateful I am about the little things even if I don’t always show it.
  • You are better than you think you are.  Thank you for being so gracious.  Thank you for your help with the small things and for your input.
  • I wish she knew how important she is to me.  Her self esteem holds her back, she’s capable of so much more.  Women are amazing. I have grown so much because of my wife and am very grateful for all that she does for our family.
  • She doesn’t have to be the “perfect mom.”  Every other mom has difficult challenges, too.  No, they don’t “have it all together”. They are figuring it out just like you.  Stop comparing yourself.  You’re enough just the way you are.
  • That I can achieve much, much more than I can ever imagined with her help, support, and love.  Every time I feel alone, insecure, incomplete, and insignificant she reminds me through her being there physically and spiritually that I am none of those things.

 

{Aren’t our husbands amazing, ladies?!  Seriously- we picked some good men!!  Now… the next answers talk about things we can improve on as wives.  Please read with an open heart and consider your own, personal marriage and things you can work on individually.  Not everything will apply to everyone, but we honestly believe that we can learn so much from our husbands.}  

#3That I am Trying

  • I am a long ways from being the perfect husband and father but I am trying, so keep being patient!
  • I wish she knew that I really want to please her, in all ways.  I always try and I don’t mess up on purpose.
  • I wish wives knew that their husbands would move the earth for them but sometimes we do not know how to convey it.
  • I absolutely adore her I just seem to find it difficult to bring the message across, particularly in the area of birthdays and special occasions.
  • I wish my wife knew how much it hurts when she gets upset with me. I don’t try to upset her but sometimes it happens and I feel badly about it. When she gets upset I fee badly about upsetting her and also with myself for doing whatever stupid thing I did.
  • I wish my wife knew more patience.  I’m trying.
  • I think that when women imagine the perfect husband and father and what they hope we will become it is often an unrealistic expectation that is influenced by media (romantic comedies, etc.) We try to be romantic but we just aren’t flowing with it all the time!
  • I am not a very good conversationalist. It always seems that I say the wrong things or that every word is being analyzed. I then feel pressured to choose my words wisely so they can’t be interpreted in any other way. I’m trying.  But I feel like I can’t win.
  • I wish she knew how much I worry about our future and my ability to provide for her the life I know she deserves.
  • Men like to hear about your feelings but can you not misconstrue what we say or complain when we have something to say.  We’re trying to communicate but we need you to listen too.
  • When I said forever in my vows I meant it and I intend to do my best to make it a great forever.

#4–  That Hints Don’t Work

  • Hints don’t work well with us. Be direct!
  • No, I can’t read your mind.  Just tell me what you want.
  • Husbands are simple creatures. We can’t read minds.
  • I know you like being surprised with romantic gestures, but it’s really hard when I’m not creative and have no idea what your expectations really are.  Just tell me what you want and I’ll move heaven and earth to make it happen.  Why isn’t that romantic?
  • I wish my wife knew that something doesn’t have to be a surprise to be romantic.  It’s romantic because I made a choice to love you the way you want to be loved.
  • Men aren’t complicated.  Just tell us what you want.  Don’t hint at it.  Tell us.  And please don’t complain about our shortcomings to others without even telling us what you expected to be done in the first place.
  • I wish wives knew how to communicate directly.  If you’re unhappy with something I’m doing- tell me!  Don’t tell your sister, mom, or friend.
  • If you want something just tell me.  Doesn’t matter if it’s something you want to buy, a gift you want to receive, a place you want to go, or a date you want me to plan- just tell me.  I’m probably not going to figure it out on my own.
  • Tell your husband how you want him to react when you are venting.  Don’t make him guess or figure it out.  Otherwise you both get frustrated with each other.
  • Tell us when you only want us to listen.  We men are always in fix it mode so any problem brought to our attention starts drawing out a solution from our heads. If our wives could say that their problem is that they only need a listening ear for this problem we can fix the problem by being that listening ear. That makes us happy because we are a part of the solution and didn’t get in trouble for offering a improper solution. Our wives would be happy too because they got the listening ear. If we ask, they want the listening ear or a solution it can come across as condescending.

#5–  That I Want to be Her #1

  • You married me first before the kids.
  • I want to be the most important thing to her. There is a lot on her plate but I often feel like I’m a long way down the list.
  • Our children require a lot of her attention.  I would LOVE for her to set some time apart for just me.
  • Wives are too over-scheduled and distracted with many different activities in life.  I wish I was on her to-do list.
  • Men love to be very important to and wooed by their wives.  Men don’t want to be the pursuer and initiators all of the time.
  • Yes, I always want to fix your problems.  Sorry if it’s annoying, but I just want to be your hero.
  • I’m your husband but I also want to be your best friend.
  • I don’t need anything fancy – I just want your company.  Everyone else gets your time.  Can I?
  • When we first started dating and got married I felt like I was her world.  Now I wonder if there’s room in her world for me.
  • She is the most important person to me in the world.  I want to feel like I’m the same for her.

#6–  That I Want to be Appreciated

  • I wish wives knew just how much the role of father and provider is being trampled on these days and just how important it actually is.
  • I go to work every day not for me, but for my wife. So she can be provided for and doesn’t have to go to work herself. It would mean a lot to me if she showed appreciation for that. I feel it is something taken for granted rather than appreciated. I also wish she could understand that her appreciation, love, and intimacy is a big key to my happiness.
  • That husbands need to feel appreciated by their wives for what they do.
  • Sometimes, life is hard. Work can be hard.  Responsibilities can be hard. But when you know that your wife is on your team, it makes a world of difference.  Thanks for being so supportive!
  • I want my wife to be proud of me.
  • I ultimately want to be loved for who I am now instead of what I could be. Often I don’t feel loved because she expects more than I can deliver. If I feel loved now unconditionally and it shows from her, than it makes me want to be better and ultimately become who she wants me to be in long run.
  • There have been several decades of men being devalued and marginalized. Being valued for our masculine gifts is rare and appreciated. The simple ‘thank you’ and a kiss on the cheek can keep up our spirits for quite some time.
  • Not to keep score and rub it in. Yes, moms do a great service – one of the greatest and hardest services in society.  But husbands put in a lot of energy in their jobs to make it possible for wives to stay home and do their jobs, but my wife sometimes forgets that.
  • The intentional displays of respect to your husband will do more to buoy him as a husband and father. We want to do all we can for our family, even more when we know it is appreciated.
  • Fathers and husbands have an incredible obligation of not only being a provider like fathers and husbands were a generation ago, but there are more demands to be more involved in housework, raising children, and day-to-day tasks than ever before.

#7That Positivity is Attractive

  • Be positive!  Be grateful, our life is already wonderful. You are already beautiful, act like it. Our kids are already angels, enjoy them. Our lives are blessed. Stress less, be grateful.
  • If you want your husband to like you and like being around you, be pleasant and positive.  Don’t nag and complain.
  • Kindness is the key. In actions, words, and looks. We want to hear good things. I’ve heard there should be three positive statements for every one negative.
  • Instead of focusing on a single flaw in the picture, take a step back and look at the entire picture as a whole.  If women analyzed the whole picture instead of a single flaw sometimes that flaw wouldn’t be as big of a deal.  Look for the good in us and in life.  Not the bad.
  • Negativity is ugly.  I married you because you were pretty.
  • One of the main reasons I married my wife is she doesn’t get offended, she doesn’t hold a grudge, and forgives my shortcomings. She also communicates openly and honestly and positively. I see too many women that don’t forgive, don’t give the benefit of the doubt, and hide their true feelings until they come raging out.
  • When my wife is happy, I am happy.
  • My wife’s mood has a huge effect on my mood.  It’s hard to be positive when you’re around someone who is negative.  But it’s also easy to be happy when you’re around someone who is smiling and laughing.
  • My wife is never more beautiful than when she is smiling at me.  (And I love when I am the reason for that smile)
  • When I’m at work at all day, I’m surrounded by unhappy, negative people.  I look forward to coming home to a happy home.

#8That Her Words Matter

  • I wish my wife knew how tremendously powerful her voiced opinion is to me. When she compliments me or is impressed by something I’ve done, I soar for days. When she critiques my faults and nags about my shortcomings, I go in a hole for days. Anyone else could say the exact same words and they wouldn’t carry nearly the same weight. But what she thinks about me matters so much to me.
  • A wife has the power to motivate or demoralize her husband. Please choose words and actions wisely.
  • I guess what I wish for my wife is that she would build me more often through the things she said. Telling me specifically things she loved about me. It means so much when I do hear those things.
  • Please pay close attention to how you treat your husband in front of other guys. If you build your husband up in front of other guys, it counts for double.  If you tear down your husband in front of other guys, it hurts twice as much.
  • I wish she knew how often she speaks down to me and how small and undesirable that makes me feel.
  • When you say things you don’t mean but you still say it, it still hurts.
  • I wish she knew that I actually have feelings.
  • I wish she knew that sometimes I need to be told that I look hot, or handsome, or sexy too.
  • I wish wives knew that when they complain about their husbands (to friends, family, etc.) it makes the husband look bad but they never seem to approach him on these issues.
  • Don’t compare me to your friends’ husbands.

#9–  That Sex Matters

  • Sex is NOT just sex.  It makes me feel loved.
  • Yes, I do think a lot about sex. When we have sex, I feel more connected to her.
  • I wish my wife knew that it’s not a bad thing that I think about sex a lot.  It means I think about HER a lot.  Why is that wrong?
  • Intimacy is a big key to my happiness and well being.  She is the only person I can turn to for intimacy and it hurts when it is not on her list of importance.
  • Just understand that when we know you aren’t in the mood for sex specifically and you sometimes have the attitude of “Fine, let’s just do it and get it over with”, it makes us feel like you aren’t desiring US! We would rather have you tell us you are just too tired and let’s try again in the morning.
  • That physical intimacy coupled with words of affirmation is an important way to help me to feel loved and needed in a relationship.
  • The best way to love me is to be responsive to sex.
  • Sex will almost always beat sleeping!  It’s that important to me.
  • I wish she understood how strong of a sex drive that I have. I do not know why I am wired the way I am, but I truly do continuously and always desire her.  I don’t know why that isn’t flattering to her?
  • I wish she knew that sex should be fun not dreaded.  She treats it like a chore on her to-do list instead of having fun with it.   I don’t want to be a chore to her.
  • I wish my wife knew how important sex is for me. Men by nature are not the best communicators when it comes to talking so it is hard for us to verbally communicate our feelings. For a lot of men we let our feelings and love show through actions and touch.  In my wife’s mind we need to talk about things, in my mind instead of having a long drawn out conversation… let me show you how much I love you. Let me touch you, let me make you feel my love through my touch. (When I say touch I don’t always mean sex) but sex is a very important part of marriage.
  • For me, making love to my wife is the closest we can possibly be, two bodies join together physically to become one, at that time the only thing that matters is the two of us. At that time we are connected on a level that I can’t show anyone else. When you take away our ability to touch our wives, you take away our ability to communicate clearly. Now I do know that there are many ways to communicate besides touch and sex, but I also know I am much better at communication through actions and touch than words.

#10–  That Sometimes I Just Like to be Left Alone

  • Sometimes I just want to relax.
  • That we sometimes need FIVE MINUTES to decompress when we get home. Then we are all yours.
  • I wish my wife truly understood that sometimes I actually have nothing going on in my head.
  • Men just want to be left alone sometimes. There are times that I want to be left alone to be quiet, angry, or upset. You don’t need to know what I’m thinking all the time.
  • I wish she would understand that sometimes I like to just relax and be left alone after a long day at work.  I’m not trying to be lazy.
  • I wish she knew that I need a break and need to just rest sometimes.  I don’t feel like I can without getting nagged.
  • That as much as we love being with you, sometimes we need our own time to unwind and relax, whether it’s playing video games, working in the garage, or going shooting.
  • Sometimes we just need to be left alone. We (at least myself) know certain projects on the to do list NEED to get finished or started…. but what is URGENT to her may not be urgent to us.
  • If you can feel your man’s love in most other capacities, do you really need to make him sit down and verbally communicate every 5 minutes?
  • When we talk about a man cave it is not to get away from you for negative reasons but just a spot where we can pass gas, be immature, and watch sports with no judgement.

Ha ha ha!  That last answer cracked us up!  

If you’re dying to know which question came in at #11 and almost made the top ten cut… 

#11–  That Sometimes I’d Like for Her to Try My Interests and Hobbies

  • We husbands like to engage in your activities but y’all should make an effort to like our activities too.
  • I’d love for my wife to be my weekend caddy.
  • I wish my wife knew that surfing is fun.
  • Activities together are important.  I wish she’d try something new with me.
  • My wife does the things the kids want to do with them, but not what I want to do with me.

And just for kicks… here’s our favorite, funny response…

  • It’s cool that we’re comfortable enough to use the bathroom with the door open, but you should really keep that door closed.

Hey, it’s not bad advice!  In all seriousness though, we hope you’ve enjoyed reading these responses as much as we have.   We really were impressed with the caliber of men that wrote in!  We know how to pick ’em, ladies!  In fact, quite a few of them mentioned how much they appreciate The Dating Divas website, how glad they are that their wives read it and use the ideas to show them love, and several even suggested we start “The Dating Dudes” for all the men out there.  Now wouldn’t that be fun?!  Do you think your husband would read that?

*Update!* We’ve heard “For Women Only – What You Need To Know About The Inner Lives Of Men” is a must-read if you want to keep reading on this fascinating topic! We’ve put it on our reading list, for sure! Have you read it? What did you think?

Want to read more posts like this one?

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Pssttt… if you liked this post, you’ll love 10 Reasons Why You Should Spoil Your Spouse (Not Your Children) AND 10 Ways to Keep the Romance Alive AFTER Kids.

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Recent Comments

55 Responses to “10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew ”

  1. Mari says:

    I learned something from here! Thank you it made me smile! and I’ll read this again and again to remind me! haha

  2. Laura C says:

    Great article! I have read for women only. I have been married 14 years, best thing I ever did for my marriage and it is my standard wedding gift now.

  3. Becca2 says:

    #9 is interesting that most women feel the need to resist against their husbands desires about sex with them. You should conduct another survey to women just on this question alone. If this issue could be restored, I believe many marriages would be happier and run longer.

  4. Kay says:

    I loved the thoughts they shared. My spouse is a woman but I could really hear her saying most if not all of these. I’ve always thought there should be a dating dudes site. Most guys, and some women, just need non frou frou adviceon how to be more romantic.

    • BeccaBecca says:

      So glad you enjoyed the article, Kay! We’re thinking about starting a “non frou frou” newsletter for the guys to see if that helps. :)

  5. I really loved this survey. It was very informative.

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