How to Make Your Husband Happy
It’s not just compliments and sex he’s hoping for — though, let’s face it, he wouldn’t mind a little more of those, too. But really, have you ever wondered what you could do and how to make your husband happy? You are not alone! Men can be mysterious creatures. If there’s one thing that pretty much everyone knows about marriage it’s that communication is key! It’s really hard to improve your relationship if you don’t know how your spouse is feeling or what he’s thinking. Right? So we decided to find out how to understand men.
We created a survey that asked husbands what they really wish their wives knew. By blasting it out via our facebook page and sharing it in our newsletter, we were able to hear from so many of your men! We got a huge number of responses from husbands of all different ages and backgrounds.
We were seriously blown away by the responses that we received and wanted to share them all with you! Now, we couldn’t share everything that everyone said, so we sorted through all of the answers and compiled a list of the best answers to How to Make Your Husband Happy!
How to Make Your Husband Happy
Here are the TOP TEN things husbands wish that their wives knew. These were the ten most common answers that will help you really learn how to understand men. Read through to find out how to love a man and how to make your husband happy, according to the expert… HIM!
We seriously loved getting to read all of the “secret” thoughts of our husbands and have learned so much. From newlyweds to those married for 50 years, there are responses from all types of men! We got answers from all over the WORLD! Some answers were simple, short, and straight-forward. Others were long and eloquent. But even with so many different men, it was amazing how the same answers (or variations of the same answers) kept coming up.
As we went through the sweet and sincere responses, we learned how to make your husband happy, in their own words. Rather than summarizing, we wanted you to be able to have that experience too.
What Do Men Really Want Wives to Know
If you want to know how to make your husband happy, just read their responses. When prompted, the overwhelming majority just wanted their wives to know:
#1 Know That He Loves You
How to make your husband happy? Stop questioning his love for you!
- How much I love her… how much I crave a look, a touch…even a hand on my shoulder.
- I love my wife dearly and can’t imagine what life would be like without her nor do I want to. I just wish she could tap into my brain and understand how I feel about her. (Try using this what I love about you book to help your babe understand)
- That I loved her more than anything.
- I wish she knew how much I really love her.
- If there is only one thing I could make my wife understand it would be how much I love her. I don’t know if words can ever really do my feelings justice.
- I love her and that I am so happy being married to her.
- How much I really love and care about her. At times I don’t give her my complete attention, distracted by the TV or my phone. Guys usually don’t multi-task well so I think sometimes she might feel ignored which is not cool. I want her to know that I’m sorry if I ever hurt her feelings or have ever made her feel ignored. I love my wife so much! She deserves the very best.
- How much I love her and how sorry I am for the times that I have ever hurt her. I wish I could take back the times that I ever hurt her feelings.
- That I love her more than words can describe. I thought I loved her when I married her but the love grows bigger every day. I never imagined I could be so happy.
#2 You are Beautiful and Amazing
How to make your husband happy? Accept his compliments and be confident!
- I wish she knew how beautiful and wonderful she really is… even though she doesn’t believe me.
- I wish she understood how I see her. She is a wonderful beautiful person but often has a hard time seeing that.
- I guess I wish she knew how beautiful she is. As much as I tell her she just doesn’t get it. I think she is incredibly sexy.
- She should know how truly beautiful she is to me. I’d love if she could see my feelings because I don’t express them well. I love her more than I know how to explain or show.
- I wish my wife knew that she doesn’t need to do everything perfectly. She does so many things amazingly that she believes that everything she tries needs to be perfect. I don’t like that she gets down when she messes up on one thing.
- You are better than you think you are. Thank you for being so gracious. Thank you for your help with the small things and for your input.
- I wish she knew how important she is to me. Her self esteem holds her back, she’s capable of so much more. Women are amazing. I have grown so much because of my wife and am very grateful for all that she does for our family.
- She doesn’t have to be the “perfect mom.” Every other mom has difficult challenges, too. No, they don’t “have it all together”. They are figuring it out just like you. Stop comparing yourself. You’re enough just the way you are.
- I can achieve much, much more than I can ever imagine with her help, support, and love. Every time I feel alone, insecure, incomplete, and insignificant she reminds me through her being there physically and spiritually that I am none of those things.
#3 He Is Trying
How to make your husband happy? Acknowledge his efforts, no matter how small!
- I am a long ways from being the perfect husband and father but I am trying, so keep being patient!
- She should know that I really want to please her, in all ways. I always try and I don’t mess up on purpose.
- Wives should know that their husbands would move the earth for them but sometimes we do not know how to convey it.
- I absolutely adore her I just seem to find it difficult to bring the message across, particularly in the area of birthdays and special occasions.
- It hurts when she gets upset with me. I don’t try to upset her but sometimes it happens and I feel badly about it. When she gets upset I feel badly about upsetting her and also with myself for doing whatever stupid thing I did.
- I wish my wife knew more patience. I’m trying.
- When women imagine the perfect husband and father and what they hope we will become it is often an unrealistic expectation that is influenced by media (romantic comedies, etc.) We try to be romantic but we just aren’t flowing with it all the time!
- I am not a very good conversationalist. It always seems that I say the wrong things or that every word is being analyzed. I then feel pressured to choose my words wisely so they can’t be interpreted in any other way. I’m trying. But I feel like I can’t win.
- I wish she knew how much I worry about our future and my ability to provide for her the life I know she deserves.
- Men like to hear about your feelings but can you not misconstrue what we say or complain when we have something to say. We’re trying to communicate but we need you to listen too.
#4 Hints Don’t Work
How to make your husband happy? Be clear and say what you really mean!
- Hints don’t work well with us. Be direct!
- No, I can’t read your mind. Just tell me what you want.
- Husbands are simple creatures. We can’t read minds.
- Just tell me what you want and I’ll move heaven and earth to make it happen. Why isn’t that romantic?
- I wish my wife knew that something doesn’t have to be a surprise to be romantic. It’s romantic because I made a choice to love you the way you want to be loved.
- We are not complicated–just tell us what you want. Don’t hint at it. Tell us.
- I wish wives knew how to communicate directly. If you’re unhappy with something I’m doing–tell me! Don’t tell your sister, mom, or friend.
- If you want something just tell me. Doesn’t matter if it’s something you want to buy, a gift you want to receive, a place you want to go, or a date you want me to plan- just tell me. I’m probably not going to figure it out on my own.
- Tell your husband how you want him to react when you are venting. Don’t make him guess or figure it out.
- Tell us when you only want us to listen. We men are always in fix it mode. If our wives could say that their problem is that they only need a listening ear for this problem we can fix the problem by being that listening ear. That makes us happy because we are a part of the solution and didn’t get in trouble for offering an improper solution. Our wives would be happy too because they got the listening ear. If we ask, it can come across as condescending.
#5 He Wants to Be the Top Priority
How to make your husband happy? Make him feel like he is your #1.
- You married me first before the kids.
- I want to be the most important thing to her. There is a lot on her plate but I often feel like I’m a long way down the list.
- Our children require a lot of her attention. I would LOVE for her to set some time apart for just me.
- Wives are too over-scheduled and distracted with many different activities in life. I wish I was on her to-do list.
- Men love to be very important to and wooed by their wives. Men don’t want to be the pursuer and initiators all of the time.
- Yes, I always want to fix your problems. Sorry if it’s annoying, but I just want to be your hero.
- I’m your husband, but I also want to be your best friend.
- I don’t need anything fancy, I just want your company. Everyone else gets your time. Can I?
- When we first started dating and got married I felt like I was her world. Now I wonder if there’s room in her world for me.
- She is the most important person to me in the world. I want to feel like I’m the same for her.
#6 He Wants to be Appreciated
How to make your husband happy? Show him that you are grateful for him and all that he does!
- I go to work every day not for me, but for my wife. So she can be provided for and doesn’t have to go to work herself. It would mean a lot to me if she showed appreciation for that. I feel it is something taken for granted rather than appreciated. I also wish she could understand that her appreciation, love, and intimacy is a big key to my happiness.
- Sometimes, life is hard. Work can be hard. Responsibilities can be hard. But when you know that your wife is on your team, it makes a world of difference. Thanks for being so supportive!
- I want my wife to be proud of me.
- I ultimately want to be loved for who I am now instead of what I could be. Often I don’t feel loved because she expects more than I can deliver. If I feel loved now unconditionally then it makes me want to be better and ultimately become who she wants me to be in the long run.
- The simple ‘thank you’ and a kiss on the cheek can keep up our spirits for quite some time.
- Not to keep score and rub it in. Yes, moms do a great service – one of the greatest and hardest services in society. But husbands put in a lot of energy in their jobs to make it possible for wives to stay home and do their jobs, but my wife sometimes forgets that.
- The intentional displays of respect to your husband will do more to buoy him as a husband and father. We want to do all we can for our family, even more, when we know it is appreciated.
- Fathers and husbands have an incredible obligation of not only being a provider like fathers and husbands were a generation ago, but there are more demands to be more involved in housework, raising children, and day-to-day tasks than ever before.
#7 Positivity is Attractive
How to make your husband happy? Be happy yourself!
- If you want your husband to like you and like being around you, be pleasant and positive. Don’t nag and complain.
- Be positive! Be grateful, our life is already wonderful. You are already beautiful, act like it. Our kids are already angels, enjoy them. Our lives are blessed. Stress less, be grateful.
- Kindness is the key. In actions, words, and looks. We want to hear good things. I’ve heard there should be three positive statements for every one negative.
- Instead of focusing on a single flaw in the picture, take a step back and look at the entire picture as a whole. If women analyzed the whole picture instead of a single flaw sometimes that flaw wouldn’t be as big of a deal. Look for the good in us and in life. Not the bad.
- Negativity is ugly. I married you because you were pretty.
- I love that she doesn’t get offended, she doesn’t hold a grudge and forgives my shortcomings. She also communicates openly and honestly and positively. I see too many women that don’t forgive, don’t give the benefit of the doubt, and hide their true feelings until they come raging out.
- When my wife is happy, I am happy.
- My wife’s mood has a huge effect on my mood. It’s hard to be positive when you’re around someone who is negative. But it’s also easy to be happy when you’re around someone who is smiling and laughing.
- My wife is never more beautiful than when she is smiling at me. (And I love when I am the reason for that smile)
- When I’m at work all day, I’m surrounded by unhappy, negative people. I look forward to coming home to a happy home.
#8 Your Words Matter
How to make your husband happy? Choose the words you say more carefully.
- I wish my wife knew how tremendously powerful her voiced opinion is to me. When she compliments me or is impressed by something I’ve done, I soar for days. When she critiques my faults and nags about my shortcomings, I go in a hole for days. Anyone else could say the exact same words and they wouldn’t carry nearly the same weight. But what she thinks about me matters so much to me.
- A wife has the power to motivate or demoralize her husband. Please choose words and actions wisely.
- I guess what I wish for my wife is that she would build me more often through the things she said. Telling me specifically things she loved about me. It means so much when I do hear those things.
- Please pay close attention to how you treat your husband in front of other guys. If you build your husband up in front of other guys, it counts for double. If you tear down your husband in front of other guys, it hurts twice as much.
- I wish she knew how often she speaks down to me and how small and undesirable that makes me feel.
- When you say things you don’t mean but you still say it, it still hurts.
- She should know that I actually have feelings.
- I need to be told that I look hot, or handsome, or sexy too.
- I wish wives knew that when they complain about their husbands (to friends, family, etc.) it makes the husband look bad but they never seem to approach him on these issues.
- Don’t compare me to your friends’ husbands.
#9 Sex Matters
How to make your husband happy? Make sex a priority!
- Yes, I do think a lot about sex. When we have sex, I feel more connected to her.
- I wish my wife knew that it’s not a bad thing that I think about sex a lot. It means I think about HER a lot. Why is that wrong?
- Intimacy is a big key to my happiness and well being. She is the only person I can turn to for intimacy and it hurts when it is not on her list of importance.
- Sex is NOT just sex. It makes me feel loved. (Try our 7 days of sex challenge!)
- Just understand that when we know you aren’t in the mood for sex specifically and you sometimes have the attitude of “Fine, let’s just do it and get it over with”, it makes us feel like you aren’t desiring US! We would rather have you tell us you are just too tired and let’s try again in the morning.
- That physical intimacy coupled with words of affirmation is an important way to help me to feel loved and needed in a relationship.
- The best way to love me is to be responsive to sex.
- Sex will almost always beat sleeping! It’s that important to me.
- For me, making love to my wife is the closest we can possibly be, two bodies join together physically to become one, at that time the only thing that matters is the two of us. At that time we are connected on a level that I can’t show anyone else. When you take away our ability to touch our wives, you take away our ability to communicate clearly. Now I do know that there are many ways to communicate besides touch and sex, but I also know I am much better at communication through actions and touch than words.
#10 Alone Time is Necessary
How to make your husband happy? Give him some space once in a while!
- Sometimes I just want to relax.
- We sometimes need FIVE MINUTES to decompress when we get home. Then we are all yours.
- I wish my wife truly understood that sometimes I actually have nothing going on in my head.
- Men just want to be left alone sometimes. There are times that I want to be left alone to be quiet, angry, or upset. You don’t need to know what I’m thinking all the time.
- I wish she would understand that sometimes I like to just relax and be left alone after a long day at work. I’m not trying to be lazy.
- I wish she knew that I need a break and need to just rest sometimes. However, I don’t feel like I can without her nagging me.
- That as much as we love being with you, sometimes we need our own time to unwind and relax, whether it’s playing video games, working in the garage, or going shooting.
- Alone time is necessary. We (at least myself) know certain projects on the to-do list NEED to get finished or started…. but what is URGENT to her may not be urgent to us.
- If you can feel your man’s love in most other capacities, do you really need to make him sit down and verbally communicate every 5 minutes?
- When we talk about a man cave it is not to get away from you for negative reasons but just a spot where we can pass gas, be immature and watch sports with no judgment.
- It’s cool that we’re comfortable enough to use the bathroom with the door open, but you should really keep that door closed.
How to Please Your Husband
If you are unsure how to make your husband happy, read through these responses and you sure get some insight into what men really want from their wives. We know how to pick ’em, ladies! In fact, quite a few of them mentioned how much they appreciate The Dating Divas website, how glad they are that their wives read it and use the ideas to show them love! Keep up the good work!
If you loved getting a peek into what men really want and how to make your husband happy, “For Women Only – What You Need To Know About The Inner Lives Of Men” is a must-read! For further reading, due to the popularity of this post, we also did a survey for the women and found out 10 Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew!
Not only that, Laura M. Brotherson, a certified sex therapist, created a fantastic resource for women to help them better understand their sexuality. Make sure to check out her Sexual Wholeness for Women Course if this is an area you want to improve! (Plus, she’s an AMAZING and experienced therapist that knows her stuff!)
Pssttt… if you liked this post, you’ll love 10 Reasons Why You Should Spoil Your Spouse (Not Your Children) AND 10 Ways to Keep the Romance Alive AFTER Kids.
This is good to help relationships lasts. More grease to yr elbow. Thanks for bringing this tips out. God bless you.
You are so welcome! 🙂
💕Every wife needs to read this❣️Thank you for the reminders.
These are great helps & reminders!
My husband is my everything! Such a great post!
I think your articles on marriage, intimacy/sex and what our men need us to understand about them. I signed up for the 7 days of sex challenge to help me spice up our sex lives; maybe even initiate sex. That’s something outside the box for me to do.
I think it’s fantastic that there are women out there who value marriage and being a good wife rather than bashing our imperfect hubbies – rock on!
Thanks so much Macie! Don’t know what we would do without our awesome hubbies!
Wow, this helped me one more time to understand that many times the whole drama and negative emotions are only in our heads (women’s). Genuinely, men just want to love us, to make us happy, to see us smiling and that’s all they need to feel like they’ve done their job well. Simple truth – clear communication and spending few minutes of the day with the love of your life, appreciating and admiring each other is all we need. Life with a man like that is a beautiful journey that I never wish to end. By reading their answers, I realised how much I love my man. Thank you!
YES! I completely agree Rachel! I had the same reaction reading the men’s answers. So glad you enjoyed it too.
Becca! you really took your time to consider what is best for partners, I mean husbands and wives. I really treasure this article, and the time and care you put into your observances, and I enjoyed and took to heart what you have said about respect and love for men and women, and to note, that each comes before the children.
(I have to put God first, and prayer, but I believe I see Him in your words.)
Thank you! and may God continue to richly bless you and your family.
Thank you so much for your kind words Antoinita! You made my day. God bless!
Great things to live by. Especially if women do these things sincerely. I do agree and I love to make sure my husband knows how special, adored, desired & loved he iis. But I gotta tell ya Sis, I don’t want to be his caddy! Haha. Thank you for the great read!
Ha ha! So glad that you enjoyed the read, Lisa. 😉
I am 63, we raised 4 children and now have 10 grandchildren. I retired a year ago, and we have been having fun being senior teens. This is the perfect time to grow closer together, however I have run into a wall about filling his needs in a creative way, He tells me I am beautiful, but I feel like I am far from it, and take it that he is just being sweet, After reading this survey I am thinking maybe he is being honest with how he feels and I should respond that way.
I valued everything from this survey, and plan to make it my new game plan. You are never too old to learn. Thank you so much for sharing this, I am looking forward to reading your other articles.
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, Rebecca. I just LOVE that you two are “senior teens!” What a fun time in your life. I’m really looking forward to that. I’m so glad you found the survey answers helpful. Sounds like you have a wonderful marriage. We wish you all the best! XOXO
My husband and I just filled out the homework printables last night together and a few of these were his exact answers! This is such a good read! Thank you so much for the insight and I will definitely be making some changes! 🙂
We love hearing that, Ashley! It really is crazy how all the men’s answers seemed to boil down the same main things. You are so welcome! We wish you all the best! XOXO
This helped me so much, guys need just as much attention as us females and we don’t realize it until its too late! Love these tips and information
So glad you found it helpful, Tina. You are SO right!
Loved it. Great read.
So glad you enjoyed it Michael
Loved the article.
I’ve been married for 27 years, and have figured out most of what the top ten were and can’t wait to read the wives wish their husbands knew and wonder if I think the same way.
We loved getting to hear what the men said- so glad you did too!
I can honestly say I haven’t related to something more in my life. I’m getting married in May and I absolutely adore my future husband, so I’ve been researching a lot about building maintaining a happy marriage. I started believing I was the problem with our irregular intimacy, but reading your comment put into words everything I haven’t been able to. I may save it to share with my husband so that we can begin to better understanding each other. I think that’s the key to a successful marriage, as long as it can come from both sides. Thank you!!!!!!!
Erin, CONGRATS on your upcoming wedding! And YES- we totally agree. Taking the time to talk, listen, and understand each other makes a world of difference in a marriage. Sounds like you’re already setting yourself up for success. So happy for you both!
This article was so sweet. But also sad. My life’s love passed 3 yrs ago. And when I read the statements I wish my wife had more patience, realize I didn’t mean to mess up, jump on my choice of words because I have trouble expressing my feelings; I could hear my friends scolding their husbands publicly and bad talk them with the “girls”. I want to shout for them to wake up and hesr themselves. But i tried when my love passed and I could tell they thought I was emotional, “it’s the truth he deserves it”; and on and on. I know they think they have all the time in the world and unfortunately that they are doing nothing wrong. So if anything you read in the article or my comment touches any part of you please do some serious self-evaluation. Are his quirks really that bad? You may findbyourd
Oh Judy, I am so sorry for your loss! You are so right- you never know how much time you have. And for every one of his “quirks” we have some of our own we could be evaluating and focusing on improving instead. Thanks so much for sharing. Sending all our love! XOXO
Am trilled with what i read in your post,directly speaking of me and my spouse i love every write up and it is a miracle God bless.
Oh, we love hearing that! 🙂
So glad! 🙂
This is an amazing read! I will be saving this and praying over it. That God will change my heart. Sometimes us ladies just need a reminder. THank you so much for doing this!
You’re so sweet Janice, you’re SO welcome!
Wives feel the same way!!!!
You’re right! We did a follow-up post with 10 Things Wives Wish Husbands Knew. You should check it out. That one was just as interesting. 🙂
Great advice. Keep up the good work!!
Best reading ive ever read after the Bible.
Wooooow daing im touched. Felt like i was in his head.
Wow- what a compliment! So glad you loved reading their responses as much as we did! XOXO
Hi! Thank you so much for the fabulous post & all of the fantastic information, You’ve done an excellent job. I will definitely digg it and personally suggest to my friends. I’m sure they’ll be benefited from this web site
Thanks so much!
I seriously needed to read this and just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for going through all the effort of putting this together and posting. I cried and felt so many emotions…in a good way – a lot of things I have forgotten about that desperately needed to remember as a wife and busy mom. I love my husband so much, but I too have a hard time actually showing it I guess. I’m going to be better. I want to smile for him. So thank you again.
Your comment made me day. You are SO welcome! XOXO
Wonderful article! What I wouldn’t give to meet an amazing man like those you’ve interviewed. I was beginning to wonder if all men were like my ex who had an affair and walked out on his family after 23 years together. I guess there are still good men out there. Names! I need names! 🙂
Ha ha ha! YES, there ARE still good men out there!! Don’t settle and don’t lose hope. XOXO
Love this article very riche
I absolutely loved this article, I’m getting married next month and it’s my 2nd marriage! I want this one to last forever! He is such a beautiful man, inside and out, so loving and compassionate and most of all patient because I know I can be a Handful! Lol, but this helps me to see what I can work on to make him happy and to contribute to a happy marriage, home, and life! Thanks so much!!!
Oh I’m so glad you loved it as much as we did. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!! Here’s to happily ever after. XOXO
What a great article! I really appreciate the honesty, and most of it i ‘knew’ in the back of my mind but didn’t want to admit it. This article made me accept and cherish the relationship that I have with my husband and has inspired me to take more action and responsibility into understanding his needs and wants.
I’m so glad you enjoyed the article. You’re so right- we can learn so much from our husbands. He’s lucky to have a wife like you. XOXO
This is a great article. Thank you for the 10 pieces of advice for better relationship 😉
You are SO welcome!
Problem comes from where? It is matter of clicking, adjusting and no expectation, then only relationship works, anything coming from other side looks big.According to me, lack of communication is the main culprit.only angles and God understand the inside feeling, so for the God sake speak up or show it. That,s it?
You’re so right- communication is HUGE!
Sign me up for the newsletter when it starts! I learn lots about me and about my sweetheart from your posts!
We’re so glad, Will!
Great article. .love the simplicity of these men.. funny how similar our issues are theirs as well!!
We thought the same thing. Thanks Becky!
Good article. Good men are so very uncelebrated. And, ABSOLUTELY YES, read Shaunti Feldham’s For Women Only. She and her husband wrote a couple of others, too, including yhe counterpart, For Men Only (which I’ve read, too). I’ve given the set for a wedding gift more than once. They really are good, easy reads.
We totally agree, what would we do without our men?! And YES! We’ve read her books since this post and actually added them to our “Top 12 Favorite Marriage Books.” https://www.thedatingdivas.com/marriage-101/top-12-favorite-marriage-books/ They are really good!!
What a Great survey and very indormative , thank you so very much
You’re so welcome! 🙂
As a older woman I love the article. I was taught to be a ride or die chick and to make my man feel like he was always number 1.So even though my first husband was a cheater I did my part, so when our marriage ended it was all on him. I say that to say this with my husband now I’m having the best time, sex and everything in between because I left bitterness and anger behind. And I treat my husband with respect, dignity and love as a true ride or die chick. It’s funny because he never heard that term before we are interracial and I treat him like a king because to me he earned it not just with me but because he was treated just like what the husbands on the survey spoke about. We both suffered through a lot in our first marriages and we thank God for bringing us together. we all should pay attention and go on a fantastic ride with our man til death do us part, not division or divorce. Be blessed ladies.
You can read it here: https://www.thedatingdivas.com/marriage-101/10-things-wives-wish-husbands-knew/
Thank you for sharing this! I read it with my husband and it sparked some really deep conversations about small things that we as wives can let fall through the cracks, but that mean so much to our husbands. Great article – and kudos to the men who answered these questions so candidly!!
Thanks so much for your comment, Lacynda! So glad it sparked good conversation.
I’m always looking for ways to improve our marriage even when it was broken.
I am looking forward to this new article you’re working on!
It will air in January! 🙂
is there an article called The 10 things wives wish their husbands knew? I would be interested to see those responses as well.
It’s in the works! Stay tuned!
This article was a great read for me! Most of things stated here- I can relate to. This article made me appreciate my man even more. I do admit that I have shortcomings, but I haven’t really been working on then till now; now that I know how it makes my man feel. Thank you so much for coming up with this article! More power to you and your team!
Thanks so much for your comment, we’re so happy you enjoyed it. Reading the men’s perspective really made me appreciate my husband even more too. We ALL have things we can work on. 🙂
I’ve been married 35 years, and ladies, I can tell you, you CAN get to this point of understanding. I understand all of these suggestions, and I have a beautiful marriage. It is just beautiful. It wasn’t always. Also, regarding sex, to put it succinctly, men view sex as an affirmation of your love for them, women view sex as a culmination of courting. So, men, court your wives. Women, show your husbands you love them.
Oh my! I was crying by the end of the first point, and almost all the way through the rest! I can see my husband in every one of the comments, and it makes me appreciate and understand him so much more. I loved this post! Thank you for giving us a glimpse into what our husbands are thinking and things they wish we understood better! This was very touching.
Your comment made our day, Hannah! You are SO welcome, glad you found it helpful. 🙂
I love that these husbands are actually telling us what they want and need and how to make them feel good. This is very important for us as wives to know. I do have a question about the men needing time to themselves, everyone does. Now, I myself am not a mother but, some earlier answers say that the wife has all these people wanting her attention, when the husband wants and needs it too. So, I guess my question is when everyone is wanting and needing the mother/wife’s attention and the husband needs his alone time, when does the wife get hers?
That’s a good question Katie and definitely a tricky one too! I think it really comes down to communication and what works best for each individual couple. I know that for me, I try to give my husband some “down time” right after her gets home from work to de-stress and unwind. Then he returns the favor for me and watches the kids while I take some “me time” to relax, exercise, or take a long bath. Then after bed we get to spend time together. It’s something that we’ve talked about and worked out together though, and it definitely changes based on our schedules and our kids’ needs.
Now we need a similar list of:
10 Things wives Wish Their husband’s Knew :^)
It’s already in the works! Stay tuned… 🙂
I agree, inquiring minds want to know…
This is a great list of thoughts! I think you should do one for men from woman so they can clearly understand where we as woman come from too. 🙂
It’s already in the works! 🙂 Stay tuned…
This was super enlightening! I’m not married but I’d like to be and I assume even my boyfriend agrees with a lot of these things!
So glad you enjoyed the article. We loved reading all the men’s replies!
I love this list and it opened my eyes. One discrepancy though. I have a higher sex drive than my husband. He is content with a once a week romp and I would love a daily. Its annoying that all women are placed in a Virgin Mary role, where we resist sex and our husbands are raging for it. I would love for my husband to want it more:( It makes me feel loved when he acts like he desires me and that’s about once a week:(
Each marriage is unique and you’re right, that stereotype is often reversed. You might be interested in these two articles by our good friend and sex therapist, Laura Brotherson: https://ldsmag.com/article-1-13032/ and https://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=1031
Me too, Josephine! I wish my husband would show more interest in sex.
I completely understand! My husband is the first man I’ve been with that has a lower sex drive than me and it was hard for me to accept. We are in the 2-3 times a week range plus time off for period plus 2 days. The only way I’ve learned to deal with it is that it’s absolutely amazing when we do. Completely selfless lover is best 🙂
Love your site
Thanks so much Jan- glad you found us!
I really loved this survey. It was very informative.
I loved the thoughts they shared. My spouse is a woman but I could really hear her saying most if not all of these. I’ve always thought there should be a dating dudes site. Most guys, and some women, just need non frou frou adviceon how to be more romantic.
So glad you enjoyed the article, Kay! We’re thinking about starting a “non frou frou” newsletter for the guys to see if that helps. 🙂
#9 is interesting that most women feel the need to resist against their husbands desires about sex with them. You should conduct another survey to women just on this question alone. If this issue could be restored, I believe many marriages would be happier and run longer.
Great idea Becca! We just might do that!!
Love this idea!
Great post and great comment, Becca! This tends to be quite an issue in marriages. One thing I think men (and women) don’t understand is that just like most men are “wired” to want sex all the time, most women are “wired” to want something else all the time, whether that be quality time, romantic gestures, words of affirmation, etc. One thing that kind of frustrates me though is that men sometimes say, “well, I’m not wired to communicate well with you or give you gifts or do something romantic. I wish you would just understand that about me and deal with it.” What if women said that about sex? There’d be quite a different reaction. How about we all try because we love our spouse and want to see them happy. Men can try (you say you can’t read her mind but after being married to her for a while, you should pick up on the things she likes you to do), and women can try. Men want women to want sex more and women want men to communicate and be romantic more. We can’t change each other but we can try to find ways to speak each other’s love languages and not just accept that we are who we are so just deal with it. Just my thoughts on that.
I totally agree! Great comment, Sara! Marriage is all about learning to show love the way our spouse needs and wants it. We have another follow-up post coming up soon just about the sex and intimacy aspect of marriage, I can’t wait to see what the husbands AND wives say!
Great article! I have read for women only. I have been married 14 years, best thing I ever did for my marriage and it is my standard wedding gift now.
Thanks Laura! I’m definitely adding that book to my reading list now!
I learned something from here! Thank you it made me smile! and I’ll read this again and again to remind me! haha
I love this post!
Pinning and sharing on FB!
Awww- thanks so much Desi!
Hi!! I’m not married but some of this answers are things that my boyfriend have told me sometimes and now I can almost hear his voice when I read again this article. For now, I know how to be a better girlfriend and be prepared to be a lovely wife 😉
Thank you!! 😀 Making surveys it’s not an easy task, but the results are amazing!! 😀 #handsdown
Oh thank you, Casy. So glad you found it helpful!! 🙂
LOVED this! Teared up at #5.
This is so amazing! I am so thankful for this article, it motivates to be a better wifey for my hubby.
Thanks Andrea! I felt the same way writing it. 🙂
YAHOO!! Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to our husbands and share their valuable opinions and thoughts! Praying that wives will read this and start conversations with their hubby’s or just KNOW that their husbands love them! Really appreciate their candidness and their desire for great marriages!
Both my hubby and I read For Women Only and For Men Only when we were courting. We read the “right” book highlighting, writing in the margins….then we swapped books. It was really interesting to read each others comments along with the info in the books! We HIGHLY recommend them both!
Thanks for your work on putting this post together! Praying that marriages and communication are improved because of this post!
Wow!! What a great idea Chris! I totally want to do that with my hubby now. Thanks so much for sharing.
oops, I was real quick on the fingers there! Absolutely loved this article. Definitely opened my eyes on several things here. I was married for 30 yrs (widowed) and after a while took a few things for granted. In a new relationship now and although I don’t intend on remarrying again, I am taking away so many flirty fun tips from this site to share w/my new man. Keep up the good work girls!
Awww- thanks Renee! 🙂
I was reading through my newsletter with my husband beside me, and we went through this list together. It made for an excellent and impromptu conversation. LOVED this post. I feel much closer and more full of love for my husband after reading & discussing this together. Thank you for all the time and effort put into it.
Oh we LOVE hearing that Danielle. Thanks so much for sharing!
What a great article to read on Monday morning. Have to stay reminded of what is important. Going to work on the attitude and positivity. Thank you Ladies!
You are so welcome! I’m especially working on the positivity too. 🙂
What an awesome article!! (And one i definitely needed to read!) I want to say ‘especially number ….’ but really, all of it has given me a lot to think about and act on! Thanks so much for putting this together 🙂
You are so welcome! We loved getting to hear the male perspective.
Thanks for all this! Love my husband and now I know I need to love him even more!
I loved reading this! I’ve spent over half of my life married & still need reminded of these truths!!! So true on the very last one…your favorite funny one!!
Wow! I was blown away by the first two. My husband said these were pretty spot on. I felt inspired to give him a list as well, because knowing his list really helped me.
10 things I wish my husband knew about me:
1. That I need him.
I have so many juggling balls and I feel like I am never succeeding at this juggling act. I feel like I’m not a good enough mother, not a good enough wife, not a good enough worker because I have so many balls to juggle and I can never give 100% to any of them. I need you! You’re my knight. You’re my hero. You’re my Prince Charming. You’re my man. You make me stronger. I need you.
2. That I want to feel beautiful and wonderful.
But it is so hard to feel beautiful and wonderful in this Pinterest Perfect, media saturated world filled with images of size 6 super models, clothing that tells me I need to be sexy 24/7, when my skin has been stretched and scarred and my body has been irrevocably misshapen and i don’t fit into my old clothes anymore. I have been told since the day I was born and someone said ‘isn’t she beautiful’, that what I look like is the most important thing. My toys even told me. But I’m so much more- i have intelligence, heart, creativity, ingenuity, strength, kindness. And I don’t know if I’m meant to be a stay-at-home mum who fills my child’s day with educationally crafted activities, or a career- power woman, or some how stretch myself between both. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m anything.
I want you to know our daughters are growing up saturated by these messages as well.
3. Sometimes it feels like you’re not even trying.
I tell you something I need or would like you do and nothing happens. So I try and tell you again, and then I’m a ‘nagging wife’. I feel like a rock in a hard place.
4. Being appreciated makes all the difference.
When you tell me you can see all those juggling balls and you think I’m amazing for doing that, it gives me wings and I feel like I can actually keep going! When you tell me ‘thank you’, I love doing it. When you ask me if there’s something you can do to help me, I feel understood.
5. I want to be your partner.
It’s so incredibly demoralising to feel like anything less than you’re equal and you’re partner. I want to be part of the decision making & planning. I want to be asked ‘what do you think about…’ I don’t want to be your mother, and I don’t want to be your maid. I want to do this life together beside you, not following you, or walking on a completely different path.
6. That I feel guilty all the time.
I’m not doing enough for my kids. I’m not giving my husband enough time, enough sex, enough of me. I’m not keeping up with the housework, not doing enough exercise… The list goes on. There is a never ending to-do list running through my head 24/7. People get hungry and run out of clothes when I don’t get through my to-do list. I often am still working on my to-do list late into the night. And I go to bed feeling guilty.
7. That I would love to love sex.
My sex drive is HALF what yours is. And I have strange hormones that you don’t have messing around with my head and my body and I don’t always even know it. If I’m lucky (maybe because you’re super sensitive and find out what works), sex is physically fulfilling most of the time (that means I climax). It’s not unusual though for this to happen 3/4, half or even less. You get it EVERY single time.
I’m ALWAYS tired! My to-do list is long and if I don’t get through that list BEFORE we have sex, I’ll be feeling guilty and I’ll be thinking about it. And then I won’t climax. Which makes sex less interesting.
I am SO embarrassed to spell out what what works for me, because I’m worried you won’t want to do that, or sometimes I tell you and then you never do it again, or sometimes you just plough right ahead without stopping to find out and that makes me think you’re not interested in knowing.
Did I mention how tired I am?
I feel so guilty and like such a failure as a woman when you want sex and I don’t have the same drive that you have, or have to say ‘no’. Even when you say it’s ok. It would be the equivalent of you not being able to get it up. 9 times out of 10.
What you do before sex has such an impact on my sex drive. Hold my hand. Help me get that to-do list done quicker. Tell me you love me out of the bedroom. Let me get all the ‘stuff’ out of my head so I can be free to think only about you.
8. Kindness matters. Thoughtfulness matters.
Oh how the little things, strengthen my tiny wings.
9. Sometimes I just need to be me.
The me I was before I was a mum or a wife. I need to do the things I did before my to-do list got too long. I need to wear the clothes and make up and have my hair done (without poop, or drool or rice bubbles stuck to me somewhere) to remind me that I’m a woman- a beautiful, amazing woman. I need to be with my friends, or on my own, or just with you (like when we were dating). I walk ALWAYS, put me at the bottom of my to-do list. It’s what I was hard-wired to do.
10. I love you.
You make me feel beautiful and amazing. You gave me children. You look at me with those eyes and that longing and it fills me with significance. You protect me. I live to make you happy. I dreamed of walking down the isle to you since the first time I read/watched Cinderella. I want to make you feel your manliness. I want to be yours, heart, body and soul.
And if you desperately want to know what 11. Is:
Hormones suck! They drive me crazy. They start messing with me around age 10 and don’t stop until my 60s. They mess with my hair, my skin, my weight, my emotions, my sex drive, my energy, without warning, several times a month, with very little that I can do to regulate them, often without me knowing or understanding how much they are at play. If I do want to regulate them I have to take a tablet, every single day! Please, be understanding, please be patient. Please be gracious.
Love that you made your own list for your husband, Michelle!! I think most women would agree with most everything you wrote! We’ve actually been wondering if we should do another survey- this time for the wives! If we do, we’d LOVE to use your thoughtful responses. Is that okay?
Yes of course , Becca
Thank – you! Thank you for putting together this wonderful article!!
I know that this is exactly what my husband would say if he knew the words.
You are so welcome! We loved getting to hear what the men had to say.
Oh my gosh!! BECCA! I LOVVVVVEEE this post!! Perfect.
Oh thanks Courtney!! 🙂 I loved putting it together and getting to read all the responses.
This is a great article. I’ve been lucky enough to be married to a man that has told me all these things and we have such a stronger relationship because of it. Thanks for taking the time to put this post together .
Sounds like you got a keeper! 🙂
This was totally awesome! In my head, I know these things but I needed the reminder. Thanks for doing the research and letting us know what men think.
You’re so welcome! I’m the same way- none of the responses were a big surprise but I love the way they worded everything. Totally gained new insights.
I loved reading this post! My husband said last week that he wished there was a website like Dating Divas with dates and ideas for husbands to surprise their wives. We love your site!
Oh, we LOVE hearing that. Thanks Amber! 🙂 We have a “men only” newsletter in the works- so stay tuned!
I absolutely loved this! I couldn’t help but bawl
my eyes out while reading it! (doesn’t help that
I am pregnant)
Not gonna lie, I totally cried while writing this post. And I’m not even preggo. lol. 🙂
I loved this so much! Makes me want to be better for my sexy man! Dating dudes would be greatly appreciated by my husband! He checks out the dating divas website and enjoys doing the “monthly Love calendars”. I think any ideas for men would help, as sometimes they struggle in the romance department! Thanks for all you do!
That’s exactly how I felt! They had such great insights. We’re thinking we’ll start with a newsletter just for the men with fun and easy ideas they can use. Stay tuned and maybe you can get your husband to sign up for it! Sounds like you’ve got a great man. 🙂
This was a great read! I definitely need to remember a few of these things again and again 🙂
This left me feeling loved and uplifted, and I found ways I can definitely improve as a wife! Loved it!
I LOOOVED this article!!! Love, love, LOVED it!!!! XOXO
You knocked it out of the park, Becca! I hung on every word of this one 🙂 Thanks for taking the time! XO!
Awesome responses by these wonderful men. This has inspired me to make some fundamental changes in my thinking and doing towards my man! I think the Dating Dudes is an excellent idea. Just keep it simple and straight forward without to much of the fancy preparation. I can’t imagine my husband doing all the printable stuff like I love to do! I am not sure if I can write this as part of may commenta but Also, couples could check out mark gungor’s “laugh you way to a better marriage” I have been to the seminar and have his DVD. Helps us understand the different way men and women think (sex is one of the key topics ) and how to take steps towards better marriage! I think what your site does is truely amazing and The hard work that you all put into making this site is very appreciated. You ladies are talented, and dedicated to helping better marriages everywhere !
Weren’t the responses great? We learned a lot too. We’re actually thinking about starting with a newsletter for men only- simple, straightforward. Nothing cutesy. Stay tuned- and maybe you can get your man to sign up. lol. 🙂 And YES!! We love Mark Gungor!! His little bit about the “nothing box” is hysterical and so true! Thanks so much for your kind words, Cheryl. You’re the best. XOXO