How to Have Confidence in Yourself
Are you going through a rough patch trying to discover how to be confident again? Or maybe you have struggled with negative internal thoughts for a long time. Perhaps this lack of confidence is starting to affect your relationships, particularly your marriage, and not necessarily in a good way.
Either way, if you’re reading this post, you’re choosing to do something about it. Good for you! You are well on your way to feeling better about yourself and becoming the confident, capable person you truly are!
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Want to know the secret on how to be more confident? Here it goes: Understand how your confidence affects your own life and your relationships. Once you know the far-reaching effects of self-esteem, you will be motivated to make a lasting change.
We’re going to give you actionable steps that will help improve your confidence. So stay with us, because this is a complete guide on how to be more confident!
How to Be More Confident in a Relationship
How you feel about yourself directly affects your relationships. The benefits a confident woman experiences in her relationship are abounding. Additionally, being confident affects how you and your partner act, the relationship satisfaction for both of you, and the quality of your intimacy.
We’re going to review just exactly how confidence affects these three areas, then share some tips on how exactly to become more confident.
How Being Confident Affects Actions
Alternatively, the negative thoughts and feelings you have toward yourself will creep into your relationship. No matter how much you think you are keeping your insecurities to yourself, they will eventually affect how you act. Feeling badly about yourself also affects the way you view your partner. If you have low self-confidence, you are more likely to consider your relationship as all good or all bad–flipping back and forth over small issues. When one small action can make you label the relationship as “bad,” that is very problematic.
When you learn how to be confident, you can better view that one small action in the context of the relationship as a whole. Seeing things less as black and white–all good or all bad–makes minor missteps and misunderstandings much less of an issue.
For example, imagine after getting ready for an event your partner says, “You might be cold in that outfit.” As a confident woman, you would use the full context of knowing they are concerned for you, and they are thinking logically. Then you can choose not to view this comment as a hint that they don’t like what you are wearing.
On the other hand, it’s easy to see how someone lacking in confidence would label their partner as “mean”, not caring at all, or being rude given the exact same scenario.
How Confidence Affects Relationship Satisfaction
Individuals with high self-confidence are more likely to report satisfaction with their relationships. Interestingly, the partners of individuals with high self-confidence also are more likely to be satisfied with their relationship. So your self-esteem not only affects your happiness, but it also affects your partner’s!
Taking the time to practice and learn how to be more confident has far-reaching effects. Not only will you feel better about yourself, making your mind a more peaceful place to live, but you will also improve your relationship.
How Confidence Affects Intimacy
Women who are confident in themselves are more satisfied in the intimacy portion of their relationship as well. Research affirms this, showing women with greater self-esteem are more likely to have orgasms during intercourse.
If you know how to be confident, your sex life benefits greatly. Confidence in the bedroom leads to more initiation, creativity, and sexual enjoyment! You can benefit so much by being a more confident woman.
4 Tips for Becoming a Confident Woman
Now that we’ve laid the groundwork for how to be more confident in a relationship, it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty details. Change is possible with specific goals! So we collected tried and true, actionable ideas to teach you how to be confident.
1. Be Mindful of Your Posture
Think about someone you know that exudes confidence. Likely you’re not picturing this person achieving greatness or fulfilling their dreams. Instead, you are probably visualizing the way this person carries themselves. Posture is a nonverbal way of communicating with others. If you are not feeling like a fully confident woman, this is a great place to start, because it’s an easy physical change that affects your internal confidence!
There is evidence that better posture actually changes internal processes that benefit your body and mind. Studies have shown the effects of a higher degree of confidence in individuals who stand in a superhero stance for a few minutes. It’s true that we do with our bodies affects our minds!
How to be more confident through good posture: The best tip we can give is to place your hands together in a prayer position in front of your chest. Next, shorten the distance between the bottom of your shoulder blades. Drawing your shoulder blades together in this way creates a beautiful, natural posture. Do this exercise several times throughout the day to readjust your posture and your confidence!
2. Take Pride in Your Appearance
Hear us out here. You don’t need to be the most stylish, fit, graceful person to be confident! Let that sink in. Confidence is exuding love for yourself and that love is for who you are on the inside. More important than having the best hair or fashionable clothes is how you act when no one is watching.
That being said, when you really love yourself, you take care of yourself. Luckily, the reverse also works. Taking care of yourself can actually help you feel better about yourself. Choosing to get out of your sweats and get dressed for the day changes the way you feel. Taking time to take care of yourself affects your mental health.
How to be confident by taking time on your appearance: Every day, do one thing to take care of your body. You can take your hair out of that messy bun and brush it into a braid. You can change out of that old baggy shirt and into something more fitted. You can paint your nails. You can put on makeup, or even just tinted lip gloss! Small and simple efforts on your appearance will go miles with your self-confidence.
3. Watch What You Consume
No, we’re not talking about food! If you’ve struggled with how to be confident, this is crucial.
First, you need to be aware of the information and images you allow into your mind. The things you see on social media, TV, and online will heavily influence how you feel inside. Consuming uplifting content makes you feel motivated, worthy, and helps your self-esteem grow. Consuming content that makes you feel less-than or like you are not doing enough will only make you feel worse about yourself.
Social media and smartphone use lead to constant comparison. If all day long you see images of people doing things you do not and looking a way that you do not, you will be left feeling worthless. However, the internet does not take in the full context of life and doesn’t accurately represent reality. So it’s no surprise that studies have shown increased social media/smartphone usage is correlated with increased rates of depression and suicide.
Limiting smart phone usage is a challenging area to change for many people. Our phones have become a part of us, and setting boundaries is complex. However, growth is uncomfortable. The only way to change is to do things differently than before. If you want to be a more confident woman, do the work to get there–even if it’s uncomfortable.
How to be more confident by carefully choosing what you consume: Take a week-long break from all social media. If that sounds too extreme, start with a full 24 hours without the usual apps on your smartphone. The purpose of the break is to notice how you feel internally without the continual feed of comparison affecting your day. Though you may feel bored or uncomfortable without your phone all day, you will notice a different feeling of well-being and presence in your life.
4. Become Aware of Toxic Thought Patterns
What you think and see in your mind dictates how you feel in your body. For example, if you are saying negative words in your head, you will see negative images in your head to support those thoughts. Consequently, you will feel down, unmotivated, and worthless. This is a way to continually spiral downward. One negative thought leads to another until you are completely down and depressed.
Conversely, recognizing the way these toxic patterns drag you down is the best way to start to change. When a negative thought or image of yourself comes into your mind, stop it in its tracks. Then, immediately reframe the thought into one that will help you grow and learn. Developing a habit of positive self-talk will change your life.
Close your eyes. Say these words in your mind, “I am not enough. I am always falling short of what I want to be.” How does your body feel now? Probably pretty crumby. In your mind’s eye, you probably pictured yourself falling short. Now close your eyes and say this, “I am enough exactly as I am. I am learning from my mistakes, improving every day.” How does your body feel now? Probably more hopeful and uplifted. You are likely better able to picture yourself growing and learning through life’s challenges.
How to be confident by changing your thought patterns: This week as negative thoughts creep into your mind, intentionally stop them. If reframing them into positive, uplifting words is too difficult, start by simply ridding your mind of them. So when a negative thought about yourself pops into your mind, recognize it. Tell yourself, “Thinking like this is only hurting me.” Then, move on. Leaving the toxic thought behind can be done by turning on a song you love, shaking out all of your limbs, or even tapping around your face/body to release the negativity and tension.
Achieving Total Self-Confidence
Decide at the beginning of the week which of these tips you will focus on. Consider writing them down on a sticky note and placing them somewhere you will see often. Then, keep it on your mind and check in at the end of the week with yourself. Did you feel differently this week?
Some of these self-confidence tips may help you more than others, and some take extra practice. But keep at it! You will ultimately obtain stronger, happier relationships due to your increased confidence.
These tips are gold, Lauren! Thanks!