Making Date Night Happen…
This is one question that we get a LOT! “How do you make date night happen when your spouse isn’t totally on board?’ For a LOT of couples, date nights were a lot easier and more romantic before marriage. But for some reason, after marriage they seem to take a back seat. There are a lot of reasons why that happens (jobs, kids, finances, and… well, just real life.) But the real question is- how do you make it better? How do you make your marriage a PRIORITY and be intentional about your relationship to make sure that spark doesn’t die out?! (And if it is already starting to die out, how do you fan the flames to get that love fire burnin’ again?!) THAT is what today’s post is all about!
We get a lot of “Dear Divas” questions from our readers asking us how to get their hubby on board and involved in planning and helping with dates. So we decided to give you all some diva advice when it comes to getting help with date nights!
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But first… look closely!! Is YOUR husband in this picture… the night
BEFORE Valentine’s??? LOL
Let’s face it, men are not planners when it comes to this kind of stuff. Well, the majority aren’t….
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A few tips of advice for this coming “lovers“ day… if you want your hubby to be thoughtful… create an opportunity to send him to the grocery store or Walmart or any store (for a highly “needed” item, of course) the day before Valentine’s, your anniversary, or your birthday! Help him out… clip a few things you would like out of magazines or make a simple list and put it into an envelope, then give it to him so he knows what you will like. This is totally going to help both of you enjoy that special day even more!!
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Now for date nights…
We must start with the most important FACT!! I don’t think there is anybody walking around with super hero powers… with that being said… your man cannot read your mind!! Really! He can’t!! {LOL}
We would like to start this post with the top 10 things you SHOULDN’T do to get your hubby on board…
#10 Do not ever joke about his planning or lack of in the past! Instead, shower him with compliments. Men like to be praised.
#9 Don’t make the “Can YOU plan our next date night?” conversation a big deal – keep it casual.
#8 Do not force him to do it, he has to WANT to do it!
#7 Absolutely NO guilt trips, your hubby still rocks! This would just be an added bonus for you!
#6 Do not give ultimatums, he is for sure going to pick the “other” choice.
#5 Do not expect him to do all the work the first few times. Volunteer to get the babysitter AND go ahead… suggest our website to him! 😉 He will need all the help he can get when it comes to planning something.
#4 Don’t have too high of expectations {admit it….we as women tend to let those expectations become a little unrealistic) and whatever he plans… tell him how fun it was! He may be a little rusty at this or even NEW to this whole “dating your spouse” idea.
#3 No nagging, change your tone of voice when chatting about this subject…..especially if it is important to you.
#2 NEVER (and I mean NEVER) compare what he does to other husbands.
And here it is… the #1 thing you should NOT do…
DO NOT pout or complain about his “incredible” date! Whether it meets your requirements or not, always be positive!! Talk it up for a llloooonnnnggggg time… 🙂
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Hopefully that helps a little bit. Those are a few things that some of us divas have also been guilty of. Just a small bit of information… we have been planning fun dates for our men for well over a year… regular, fun, creative dates! Some of our husbands may not have jumped right on board at first either – BUT the more you spoil them and the more fun you have… the more they will want to share quality one-on-one time with you! {WINK, WINK}
Remember when you were dating??? Before your first “real” fight? Before you were completely comfortable with each other? Remember those amazing-heart-racing-fun times??? You didn’t have a care in the world, right? Bring it back! Be ecstatic with any effort he makes. Check out the post that we created a while back for All The Single Ladies, it has great advice on wooing your man too!
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Here are a few suggestions straight from the divas themselves on how you can get your man to help…
Things you SHOULD do…
- Get your BFF’s hubby on board to help your man plan a double date! If there are 2 husbands planning the date, that’s 2 brains which equals less work and double the fun!
- Make a HUGE deal out of how much you love his efforts!! Also, tell all your friends and family about it… and make sure he hears you tell them about all the fun you had! (No sarcasm allowed)
- Honey and sugar will attract the bee. You have a lot of womanly charm that will wrap your man right around your finger. Pour it on and USE IT. Be sweet to him, love on him, and make your request simple yet direct. Make sure he knows how you look forward to everything that he ever plans for the two of you to do.
- Make a schedule for the two of you. Ask him to plan something once a quarter (start easy….Valentine’s Day or your Anniversary). Then bump it to once a month and hopefully you can work up to every other week with him in a few months – but don’t be discouraged if it takes longer.
- Do trade work… hehe… If he plans a date, you will give him a massage after. Ooohhh, La La!! Or after the date, you will heat things up at home. 🙂
- Have a heart to heart talk with your man. Talk about 3 things you both would like to change. Tell him how important it is to you that he help plan your date night. Then create a plan together AND once again, help him with his end!! You may have to help him accomplish those date nights at first {i.e. arrange for a babysitter, suggest ideas…} but eventually he should be able to do it all by himself.
We all wish you the best of luck! If one thing doesn’t work, move to the next. But don’t give up and always remember how great your man is in everything he does!!
If you’re really seriously about making date night a priority in your marriage. Stop what you’re doing right now and GO CHECK OUT OUR DATE NIGHT GUIDE!
After receiving SO many emails and messages from readers asking for help in this area, we finally decided to make a comprehensive guide JUST for you! {Because you KNOW we LOVE you guys, right?!}
The “How to Date Your Spouse Guide” seriously includes EVERYTHING you need to
get your spouse on board and make date night happen, including:
- Date Night Basics Info – Discover the benefits and get some motivation for date night!
- Date Night Questionnaire – Get on the same page with your “date” expectations.
- Date Night Idea Surveys – Figuring out what to do is half the battle!
- Date Night Planning Guide– – This planner will help you prepare 2 weeks in advance and get everything ready for date night!
- Date Night Coupon IOUs – A little reward never hurt! Give your spouse a love coupon in exchange for them planning a great date night!
- Date Night Gift Tags – Cute tags to attach to a date night gift!
If you use the guide, please let us know how it goes!
Do you have a fabulous suggestion we missed above?? Please share it with us and all of our other great readers!! We love your input too!!
We love your comments
I found this article thanks to Pinterest. I have been focusing on marriage with the ladies at my church since January. This is a great, great article. Sometimes we think our marriages are supposed to be like Hallmark movie where the guy just “knows” everything we need before we even say a word. HA! I love that you say to praise their efforts (even if they miss the mark). Great advice! Thanks so much!
This is SUCH a great post, thank you!!!! 🙂
Where’s the picture of the guy at the store buying a card the day AFTER valentines day? That’s usually MY husband! He usually forgets… even with my not-so-subtle hints! (ie, I can’t believe valentines day is tomorrow!) But when he does finally remember, he usually spoils me rotten! Any ideas on how to get him to remember BEFORE the actual event???
Oh man! I’ve been in that situation with my husband before. Bottom lines, hinnts don’t work for some husbands! This year I had to tell him straight out “valentines day is monday, do you want to plan it or should I?” I was surprised when he said he would! 🙂 Then that week I just made sure to remind him throughout the week that valentines day was monday and how was his planning going? This worked for us and he was able to pull off an amazing valentines day.
After 10 years of marriage I’ve learned that I need to help my husband by reminding him a few weeks/days in advance of a big day (i.e. – I planned the 14 days of valentines – now he knows that valentines is coming up) I’ve also learned that he LOVES to plan for my birthday but the other days he needs a little nudge. Instead of worrying about what he does for me, I try to plan something fun that we enjoy; anything he does on top of that is a bonus. Instead I look at all of the things he does for me every single day that he does because he loves me and sees them as important. Don’t overlook those little things like shoveling the walk, cleaning the vehicle or even making sure there is gas in the car all the time. Husband’s don’t always remember “days” but rather, they just try to take care of their families. My husband just told me tonight how thankful he is that I take time to plan family activities to do with our boys as well as things for he and I, otherwise, He would just sit planted in front of the tv all the time. So, that is my Valentines gift and that is more than enough – he appreciates me (Now if he gets me flowers THAT is a bonus !!)
Such a GREAT post, Wendy! Thanks for putting this all together! This is the PERFECT post to refer readers to when they ask how to get their spouses “on board”!!
I do love that you keep reiterating how important it is to compliment your hubby on his efforts. If other girls’ hubbies are like mine, they struggle coming up with dates and want to know that their wives will enjoy what they plan. My hubby’s biggest issue is: “I just want to know that you’ll like it.” I have to remind him each time that I’ll love whatever he chooses because I’ll be spending one-on-one time with him. And that’s all that matters.
For us, we talked about how we both felt like we needed to be better about dating regularly and came up with a plan. We agreed that we would alternate every other week who chooses the date. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and we don’t have a date that week and that’s okay. We both understand that we’re busy and it happens. No biggie.
To help my hubby decide what to do, I wrote up a list of date ideas that he can refer to any time he gets stuck. I will note that I asked him if he would like such a list before I made it. I didn’t just type something up and hand it to him. That would have suggested that I didn’t appreciate his own thoughts. But asking him if he wanted one {and hearing him emphatically say “yes!”} worked out well. We have both found this list to be really helpful!
Another thing that we’ve recently discovered {and do fairly often – at least twice a month} is “stay-in” dates. We just have our “date” at home after the babe goes to bed. We never mind those and always enjoy them as much as when we go out.
My final thing is that guys get better at planning as you go along {at least mine did}. Sometimes my sweetie still just does dinner and a movie {this is our most common “in-home date”} and of course I still love those. But I’ve also been noticing that as he plans more and more dates, he gets better and better at it. He’s getting more creative and has more fun doing it. However, most of the time my dates are still the most “creative” and his more laid back, but I think that just fits into our personalities better and it keeps things different. Which is always good. You probably wouldn’t want to do over the top every week.
Anyway . . . now that I’ve written a novel . . . . . . . . . . I’ll stop! 🙂 Thanks for the post!
Jessica!! Thank you for such a wonderful comment! We love hearing how other couples “make things work”! Love the novel! {WINK}
I have a surprise date planned this weekend (its my birthday on Sunday, and of course valentines on Monday) best part is— I have NO idea what it is. My sweetie just informed me to be ready in jeans and a shirt by 10am saturday, and to plan on being gone all day. Let me tell you, I am so excited for this date and know that no matter what we do I’ll love it because he took the time to plan something, he thought about me while doing it. He will be SOOO rewarded for this I’m sure 🙂
Thanks Ladies for all the great date ideas I’ve planned for him, and now its coming back to me ten fold.