How to Survive the Month of Love!

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A guide to surviving the month of love {a.k.a February} when you are in a rocky relationship! 

The boots aren’t a knockin’, and as a matter of fact you are just trying to survive day by day most of the time, so what on earth do we do about Valentine’s Day!?!

Find The Good In One Another

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Holidays in general can be a bit rough if you are in a rocky relationship, but Valentine’s Day seems to be especially hard! I mean come on, this is an entire day devoted to the mushy, gushy love stuff and there may be a shortage of that currently in your relationship! So what is a couple to do? Well for starters, you have come to the right place! We have racked the brains of all of our amazing Divas and have come up with our top 7 tips for getting through Valentine’s Day while in a rough relationship.

Valentine's Day During Rough Relationship Times

  1. Try NOT to Have High Expectations – Oh boy! This is a hard one! Valentine’s Day is so often portrayed as a day that we should all get showered with love, flowers, chocolate and surprises by the one that we love most. But do you want to know the truth….MOST of us, {meaning the majority of people} do NOT have days like that. It is easy to get caught up in the hype of it all, but remember that in all reality, it is just another day!
  2. Talk BEFORE Valentine’s Day About What Your Expectations Are – We try not to have them, but to a certain extent we all have a few expectations of the day and that is okay! The key is that we must discuss our expectations with our spouse BEFORE that day! It may feel like it takes the fantasy/romance out of the day and honestly is does a little bit. However you both need to know what the other is expecting out of the day and it is best if this is tackled before you get to V-day and the few expectations that you did have are crushed. Does one of you expect dinner with just the two of you minus the kiddos that night and the other is expecting a family night in? Neither of these are bad but you need to get on the same page about what is happening that day!
    Finding Your Happy Place in a Rough Relationship
  3. Take Turns – Switching off who plans Valentine’s Day has been one of the best things that we ever did in our home! That way one person isn’t always in charge and you both get a turn at being responsible for the evening. My husband and I have found it works best if we trade off our Anniversary and Valentine’s Day, he takes one and I take the other and then the following year we flip. That way we both always know who is planning what and there isn’t any question about it!
  4. Simplify and Try Not to Put Pressure on Each Other – If you are currently barely on speaking terms, then a wildly romantic day where you are swept off of your feet is most likely not going to happen and that is just fine! Take the pressure off of one another for the day! Forget all the hype and commercialism! If you can spend some time together and actually ENJOY each other’s company, then that should be considered a successful day!
    Remembering What You Love About Your Spouse
  5. Plan it Together – Maybe switching off isn’t for you – try planning it together. Yup you heard me, TOGETHER! Instead of silently getting your hopes up, talk to one another and plan something fun together. Make it an open book! For example: “Hey, I was thinking… Valentine’s Day is coming up and thought it would be fun to do something together that night. Instead of gifts, wanna help me plan an awesome date WITHOUT the kids?” Or “Hey, let’s do a Valentine’s gift swap, dollar limit is $20.” Lay out all of the details on the table so that you both know 100% what to expect of the night! {Need help planning the evening? Try our Printable Valentine’s Day Planner!}
  6. Nix Gifts and Go with Kind Words, or Even Nothing – Yes, that’s right! Nothing is a completely acceptable Valentine’s Day gift. Instead of worrying about monetary things that you could purchase, one another take a moment and write a few kind things about each other that you genuinely mean. If your relationship is in a rough spot, a few kind words are probably the best gift that you could give one another! {Need a card to write it all down in? We’ve got you covered with these Free Printable Valentine’s Day Cards.}
    Surving Valentine's Day
  7. Enjoy the Day – Try your hardest just to enjoy the day. Pick out the things that went well over your day instead of the things that could have gone differently and just try to enjoy being together! Even if the day didn’t go as planned, remember that you get to wake up tomorrow to February 15th which has zero expectations and you can make it anything you want it to be!

{Now that you have gotten past Valentine’s Day, if you want help to get your marriage back on track we recommend reading the many books in this post and checking out our amazing Reclaim Your Marriage Program to help you get started!}

SO…. in a nutshell the main things that you should remember are to communicate, keep expectations low and reasonable, make a plan and no matter what happens, try to enjoy the day! 



I am a crafting, baking, blogging wife and mother. I love nothing more than time with my family while playing games, watching movies, and just being together!

Learn more about Niki
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Recent Comments

  1. Love this post, Niki! I feel like ANYone can relate, good relationship or bad. And #6 is my FAVE… I love giving gifts of the heart! Sometimes it gets awkward when he goes and buys me something super nice and all I’ve got is a love letter in exchange, but that’s why #2 is important 😉 Great tips that definitely work!