Find out Why Your Spouse Should Come First

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Putting Your Partner First in a Relationship

Children. They are adorable, they are LOUD, they are so easy to shop for, they are PERSISTENT, they are sweet. There are a million reasons why we spoil our children. But your real focus should be on putting your spouse first! If your family is in a place where the children rule the roost then you have got to put the brakes on that! Your kids, as wonderful and special as they are, should not be your top priority. Your spouse, that amazing person who holds your heart, needs to know that they are your #1 now and always. That’s right, you should be spoiling your spouse, not your children!

If this is lacking in your marriage right now then today is the day to refocus your energy onto the most important person in your life! The Dating Divas have come up with 10 marriage-strengthening reasons to spoil your spouse, not your kids.

Great ideas for putting your spouse first in marriage! LOVE the idea to spoil your spouse and NOT your kids #puttingyourspousefirst #whyyourspouseshouldcomefirst

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Who Comes First Husband or Child?

We have all envied them, those couples that are ‘newlywed-in-love’ with well-behaved children. How is it that they can be so happy? Are they even real? Well, we are here to tell you that YES, they’re real, and that CAN be YOU! We’ve figured out the secret to their success! So with all of our marriages combined, the Divas total years of experience, and if there’s one thing we know will make your marriage stronger, it’s spoiling your husband and putting your spouse first in your life! We aren’t talking about worshipping the ground he walks on and being a servant to his every need, but we are talking about refocusing your energy from always doing everything for your kids, to doing things for your man.

Make Your Spouse a Priority

We guarantee you are going to want all the details on this… so read on!

Why Your Spouse Should Come First

Here are ten reasons why your spouse should come first. Think on each of these ten reasons and hopefully it will help you to recommit to putting your partner first in your relationship. The question of who comes first spouse or children, or who comes first spouse or parents will be resolved once and for all!

So here we go… Your spouse should come first because:

1.  It all started with your spouse.

When it comes to putting your spouse first, remember, your family started with your marriage to your spouse {not the day your first child was born}. He is the reason behind it all! So while the kids may be the frosting- he is still the CAKE! That should be the foundation for all of your decisions as a family, first is the husband and the rest follows behind. Because without him, none of it would be in place.

2. Broadcasting your love is healthy for your kids to see.

One of the BEST things you can do for your children is to let them see you LOVE their father or mother. Strong marriages make strong families. Your children need the security of a loving family far more than toys or treats or even attention! So kiss in front of your children. Let them see you holding hands, snuggling together on the couch, and going out on dates. Putting your spouse first isn’t going to make them jealous, it’s going to make them SECURE.

Couples Communication

3. You are demonstrating what a relationship should look like.

Spoiling your spouse gives children an example of what a great marriage should look like. When you treat your spouse with kindness, courtesy, and love – your children will see that.  They will long for a marriage like their parents have and not settle for anything less! Take the time to learn about each other’s Love Language. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts is a fantastic book to read if you haven’t already. When you’re putting your spouse first, do it in a way that will show you’re children you truly care and are thinking about their needs too.

4. You can’t over-spoil your spouse.

As a parent, you are in large part responsible for how your children turn out. The pressure is on and you don’t want to raise your child to always feel entitled. But you already know your husband turned out great! {Thank you mother-in-laws all over the world!!} He’s already “raised” – so you don’t have to worry about spoiling him. So let the love FLY! You’ve got nothing to lose by putting your spouse first.

Who Comes First Spouse or Parents

5. Putting your spouse first makes life better for everyone.

As you take the time to spoil your spouse, you will also reap the rewards! Taking your wife on a date means a fun time for you too! Enjoy dinner, movies, great conversations, and fun activities. Buying a special gift? How convenient that box of chocolates has so many pieces in it! Go with the golden rule on this one and treat your spouse even better than you’d like to be treated. Though you shouldn’t be spoiling your spouse with the intention of getting anything out of it, more likely than not, they are going to reciprocate the love. It’s a win-win for you both. Putting your spouse first means putting your marriage first… and you’re a part of that too!

6. It will keep your priorities straight.

Spoiling your husband also helps get both of you out of your consistent routine. Spoiling your children; however, can turn into a routine too quickly! It’s easy to get caught up in to-do lists and managing all the details of everyday life. So surprise them with little things frequently. Taking time to spoil each other and putting your spouse first helps you refocus on what’s truly important! Your Marriage!

Making Time for Your Spouse

7. One day it will just be the two of you again.

One day your sweet babies will grow up and move out. They will have their OWN lives to live. Your spouse is going to be with you through it all. By showering your spouse with love and kindness your entire marriage, you will keep your love strong regardless of whether or not you have children in your home. You don’t want to feel like you need to RE-connect when you become empty nesters, so keep the love alive right now by putting your spouse first!

8. You are not in charge of your spouse.

Children rely on you to set boundaries and restrictions. It’s part of your job to discipline as a parent. You are NOT, however, your spouse’s mother. You are his lover! So forget the stress of teaching lessons and just LOVE your spouse… unconditionally!

Who Comes First Spouse or Children

9. It brings back the romance.

Spoiling your children can lead to self-entitlement and teaches selfishness. Spoiling your spouse can lead to romance and is one way of being selfless. So your kind words, sweet notes, little treats, special nights out… all of those ways of putting your spouse first can lead to romance and strengthen the bond the two of you share.

10.  It helps you to remember to not take your spouse for granted.

Spoiling your husband shows him that you still feel the same for him regardless of how long you’ve been together and what you’ve gone through. So take the time to get dressed up for date night with the ‘man of your dreams’, remember important events and milestones together and celebrate them. By putting your spouse first and letting your spouse know that you are thankful for every single day you’ve been together and your marriage will stand the test of time!

Communication Exercises for Couples

Putting Your Spouse First

If you want some fantastic suggestions on ways to spoil your spouse the ways that they like to be loved, then sign up for The Dating Diva’s Newsletter and get our FREE 7 Day of Love!

And take a second to peek at our 7 Days of Spoiling kit for a week’s worth of FUN, done-for-you ideas for putting your spouse first!



My favorites are my husband, children, Downton Abbey, root beer slushes, and really good pasta.

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Recent Comments

  1. We agree with this. In fact we also used this concept for how we sat in church. “NO ONE comes between mom and dad”. So when we sit in church, No one was allowed to sit between us. It was the rule! To this day, when sour adult kids visit, if both kids are sitting with their mother and I walk into the room, one of them will get up because that is where I am supposed to be.

    1. Daniel, that is SO great! I love that your kids know that you are a team that sticks together!! I’m sure your wife appreciates the special effort you take to show her that she’s your priority! What a great tradition! Thanks for sharing with us!! 🙂

  2. I agree! This is a must and sometimes it’s difficult to make time. It’s all about prioritizing. Thanks for the great reminder!

    1. Amy! YES! You are so right! Little reminders just help us all be a little better each day! 🙂 XO

  3. Hello Dating Divas,
    I am so impressed with this Article .
    This was right on time I’m getting married next month .. Although me and my honey Love dont bilogical children ,he has took my 3 children up under his wings as though they are his own . These tips we’re so helpful for me I’m gonna share what I read with other women in waiting. Thank you so much for sharing this article makes total sense

    1. Oh, you are SO welcome! We are always happy to help! Congratulations and we hope that your marriage is filled with happiness and LOTS of dates!! Sounds like you have a sweet fiance! Thanks for your comment! XO

  4. This article described exactly how marriages used to be and should still be. Sadly, kids come first these days. It’s a child centric world, not about family, or what keeps a marriage from falling apart. Funny why the divorce rate is soo high…

  5. Ahha and Julie I want to say thank you very much for the inspirational pin (Pinterest). It is very helpful and I’ll give it a try starting this week. I really appreciate the pin/post.
    Thank you again

  6. Thanks, Melissa! I’ll certainly be visiting your blog often! Definitely, as moms, it’s so easy to be absorbed in our kids. I think that’s because its instinct. So I definitely understand that it’s important to be reminded to prioritize your spouse, because it doesn’t come as naturally as prioritizing your kids does. At the end of the day, I do think that it’s important to tell your kid “I love both you and daddy very much and daddy is just as important to me as you are. That’s why I spend so much time with you and that’s why I need to spend time with daddy too.” I think finding a healthy balance is very important.
    *BTW, a parent should NEVER spoil their child. If you love your child, the best thing you can do for them is to teach them independence. What are they going to do when you’re not around?*

  7. Hi! I know this article is 3 years old, but I was just curious because I heard a marriage counsellor say that your spouse should come before your kids. It was a huge shock to me because it was the first time I’d ever heard that so I began looking for articles online. I think the problem people (myself included) have with hearing that is that it somewhat passes the message that you should always put the needs of your spouse before your kids. For example “Your child is sick but your husband has a big party coming up that he’d like you to attend so you leave the sick child and go with hubby” or “your kid is hungry but your spouse wants to make love so you ignore your kid” or “in life and death situations, you save your hubby and let the kid die.” Things like that. But I’m reading this (I stumbled upon this website) and I’m really understanding where you’re coming from. Even agreeing with you on most of your points. It is important to make your marriage a priority. However, I will admit the idea of the spouse being the topmost priority still bothers me a little. I think both your spouse and kids should be the #1 priority in your life and I don’t think either is more important than the other. They’re two different types of love. IMO, I think its just as important to be a great wife as it is to be a great wife. I enjoyed your article, though!

    1. Tarianna, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I wasn’t the Diva that wrote this great post but I loved your comment! It is definitely a hard concept- I know it is easy for me to put my kids first. They are little and helpless so I totally get that! I am also a child of parents who put us first and foremost! Above all else, even each other. Try parents divorced when I was in college because we were all gone. Even as an “adult” it was really hard. Today they are still friends but it definitely changed the dynamic of our family. If I could go back in time I would encourage my parents to take more walks together, more non-family trips, etc. To spoil each other a little more than they spoiled us. So I keep that in my mind. I think it’s everything in moderation but since it’s an easy natural tendency for us to put our kids first it’s a good reminder to put the hubby up there too! Thank you again! XO

  8. Can anyone share some examples of spoiling your hubby? This was so my intent when we married, but it’s become so much more challenging while working pregnant & with a toddler. I really want to do better & could use some suggestions especially because my hubby is such a “no fuss” laid back kind of guy. There isn’t much that moves him which can be mostly great but also stumps my creativity! Help!

    1. You’re husband sounds a lot like mine! Here are a few ideas we came up with… #1 Make (or pick up) his favorite meal. You have to eat dinner no matter how busy you are, might as well pick out something just for him. 🙂 #2 Our text message pack is awesome because you can just send a quick, cute note to him without having to do any work. #3 I did our “Showered in Love” Valentine’s surprise for my hubby but I think it would work anytime of the year. It’s all stuff they use daily anyways but just makes it a little more fun! I also loved the 7 Days of Love and getting my hubby’s car sparkling clean for him. 🙂 The kids really loved helping me wash it! Hope that helps! XO

  9. Hi Dating Divas,
    I can really second this article!!
    My hubby and I will be married for 19 yrs this year and we are more in love now that when we just got married.
    Our kids are teens now. It hasn’t always been easy but making a continuous decision to spoil and love my each other just the way we are, was the best not just for the both of us, but for the kids too.
    My daughter went to youth the other day, they asked the kids why do you love your parents, some of the answers were ’cause they buy me things’, ‘they make nice food’, ‘they spoil me’, etc. Later this week one lady asked me, how do you do it? Your daughters answer was ‘I love my dad for loving my mother and I love my mother for loving my father’.
    I couldn’t speak, tears streamed down my cheeks, and I just knew we were doing something right.

  10. This made me cry! Thank you. We have a 6 month year old and another one on the way! I have been burnt out these past few days, been a subpar wifey. I have always felt this way about marriage, that husbands should be numero uno, but to see it written about to a tee in this world of child worship was just so great. Again, thank you!!

  11. I’ve seen parents spoil their children, or one does and the other doesn’t, and it puts a heavy burden on the marriage.

  12. This is so hard for me. My family actually started when we had our daughter. I didn’t know if he would care enough to change his ways for us.Then we got married & had more children. But it’s still hard to put him before our little ones even though he is a great husband & provider. God is working on me 🙂

    1. When children enter the picture, it definitely IS harder. We wish you the best of luck! Focusing more on your spouse will pay off in the end. Promise! XOXO

  13. I recently remarried. My children are high school age. Before we married I asked them how they felt about it. They were happy for me. I explained to them that if I did in fact marry I had to not make the same mistakes I made with their dad. Which meant as much as I love them I would have to make my marriage my first priority. They are at an age where they could understand and hopefully they will learn from my mistake and have strong marriages of their own one day.

  14. I love this topic!! I tink after we have kids it is so hard to always remember that we have to come first! We are a blended family and sometimes I do see that it is a little harder for us because we have to show our kids that we are one family no matter what the other parents outside of our home try to tell them. Sad to say but they use our child together, as well as the time that my husband and I try to spend together to show our kids that we don’t love them as much as we love “our child” or eachother. We try so hard to focus on them so they see and know that we do love each of them and the other parents are just a little crazy, we often forget about him and I! I just signed up for the email newsletter and got the 7 days of love. My husband just said the other day Can we go to the movies this weekend, and automatically withoth thinking or hesitation I said, but Christmas is coming up and the kids need this and that. We don’t have the money to spend on us right now. He automatically had a look on his face of disapointment and upset, and said Oh I guess we are going back to that again. I am so thankful I found the web site and plan on adding to the membership. I think it will really help me stay focused on us and give me great ideas on how to keep US first!!

    1. Layla,
      Thanks so much for your comment! Keeping a marriage strong takes lots of focused time, energy, and love. With a blended family added to that, it can be even more of a challenge to put your spouse first:) I’m so glad you found our site too and hope that you can use all the great resources we have to offer here. Our Diva Central membership is great, there are tons of fantastic features you will really like about it. Also we have a free monthly love calendar that you can use every day to remind you of sweet things you can be doing for your spouse, I think you’d really enjoy it:)

  15. I completely agree with this post! You’ve done an awesome job. One thing I would add is that you should put your souse before everything, including kids. Some of us spend soo much time being busy that we forget to focus and make what matters most a priority. xox

    1. Michelle,
      You are so right- but I will be first to admit how challenging that can be at times, especially when you have little ones around being ‘squeaky wheels’! I’ve just had to be a little more creative in ways to spoil my spouse as we’ve added little ones to our family:)

    1. Becca, that’s because YOU had so many fabulous ideas for it!! Thanks so much for all your great thoughts for this post:)

  16. My daughter posted this to me with thanks for teaching her what a marriage should be. She now has a wonderful marriage and family and is living the concept. The only thing I can add is always put the desires of your spouse first- when you both do it’s awesome! Her mom truly lived by these rules and I tried to match her every step of the way. We married very young, (18 & 16) and had to learn as we went, it must have worked because we had 32+ years of marriage before she died. I miss her every day because of the sweet memories she left me.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment, Dan! It brought tears to my eyes. Your family sounds amazing and I am so glad you have those sweet memories to remember your precious wife! We wish you all the best!

  17. This is such a refreshing idea! My husband likes to tell our kids “I’m Mommy’s favorite”. There’s some truth to that.

    1. nicole, i think that this article still stands for your situation but i also think its important to have on a regular basis, family time that allows bonding for step kids. i remember being young and really looking up to my step mother but she never took time out for me. let your step kids go to stores with you or help you plan a surprise for your games that inevitably get you laughing that allows a chance for them to trust you.not implying anything with your situation but just a thought 🙂

    2. My parents are divorced, and I have had a wonderful step family for 15 years now. It definitely can be hard, especially at first, and it all depends on the age of the children. But please, please, don’t worry about spoiling your spouse. All children need a strong marriage to observe. My stepmother is wonderful, and she DEFINITELY spoils my dad rotten! She is great example. When I was about 13, I realized that my dad was the happiest he had ever been, and it’s BECAUSE he was being spoiled! He was a doctor in a small town, and his life was crazy. She rubbed his feet EVERY NIGHT! (Amongst a billion other things. She’s amazing). My dad always says about her; “I make the living, she makes the living worthwhile.” It’s true. He is exponentially happier than he was with my mom, and it’s because she spoils him. If the children are young, they might not get it for a few years. But they will come around when they have an example of a strong marriage, and they will see how happier everyone is. If they really love their dad, it will fall into place. It might just take a while. Don’t give up!

    3. Nicole,

      I am a step-mommy to a caring 4 year old boy and I can tell you that hubby & I act no different around or towards him than our own children. In our home we model what we believe in hopes that ALL of our kids will learn from it one day. We believe none of our children are any more or less “special” than the others and they all recieve and deserve their own one-on-one time, that being said, when it comes to hubby & I our relationship is 1st priority. Yes, my step-son was a part of hubby’s life before I, but that doesn’t change my relationship to him as his wife.

  18. Wow, thanks! This article is meant for both my wife and I. It’s the one that you love the most that you take for granted the first.

    1. Sarah,
      Thank you! Writing this post was a great way for me to reflect on my own relationship with my husband and how I want to do everything I can to keep it strong:)

  19. Yes!!!! Thank you for you post! This has been my theory for years and its worked because I’ve been married with kids f

    1. Kimberly,
      So glad you liked it! It is such an important thing to make your spouse know how wonderful you think they are:)