How To Rekindle Your Marriage
That’s a question we get asked a lot. And we get it! How to keep a relationship alive after having a baby can be difficult! It can be hard to keep the spark and the husband and wife romance in your marriage when you’re up all night with a crying baby… and surrounded by dirty diapers. The shift from husband and wife to mommy and daddy can be a tricky transition for many marriages. But we strongly believe that you have to create your own happily ever after. Love is a choice! And here at The Dating Divas, we’re all about being intentional in creating marriage romance. So we’re answering the age-old question… Romance after kids – does it exist? We’ll go over how to keep a relationship strong after having a baby. So hang on tight, if you have an unhappy marriage after baby, we’ve got some ideas for you!
How to Keep Your Relationship Going
Are you wondering how to keep your relationship alive after having kids? Certainly you’re not alone! Think of all the couples you know that have kids. Now think of that couple that is still madly in love! The ones that still act like newlyweds even though they have several little ones in tow. What are they doing differently? What’s their secret to keeping the husband and wife romance? How did they prevent an unhappy marriage after baby? Well, I asked several of them to find out – and these are the 10 things that kept coming up as we learned about how parenthood shaped their marriage romance.
1. How to Rekindle Romance? Make Date Night a Priority.
You had to see this one coming. I mean, we are The Dating Divas–it’s the whole reason why we started this blog. The truth is dating each other is what made you fall in love in the first place. So it makes sense that you should keep dating to stay in love. If you don’t want the fire to die out you have to keep blowing on the flames. Right? It doesn’t have to be an elaborate, over-the-top date. Date night, seriously, that’s how to keep a relationship strong after having a baby.
Even if it’s just talking & laughing over a shared sandwich or candy bar… in whispered tones so the baby stays asleep! Just set aside time each week for just the two of you to reconnect. Family nights are great, but they don’t count as date night! You need time to be husband and wife instead of mom and dad. If you’re looking for how to rekindle romance, have a regular date night!
I think most of us know we should be making time for date night regularly, but the reality is that it isn’t always happening. We get it, it’s hard! Especially if you have little ones at home. But if you’re honest with yourself, and you want to know how to keep your relationship alive, you’ll admit that if it’s important, you’ll find a way. If it’s not important, then you’ll find an excuse. That’s why we put together our popular Date Night Guide. Remember, you always have time for the things you put first!
If you’re struggling with this one you need to stop right now and get this guide then go read up on How to Make Date Night Happen! It’s full of practical solutions for overcoming all of your date night challenges. And if you’re a new parent looking to rekindle the marriage romance, make sure to check out our New Parents Cozy Date Night! It has everything you need for a romantic, at-home date with your sweetheart. So, no more excuses! Now you know how to rekindle your marriage using date night!
2. Spoil Your Spouse, Not Your Kids to Keep Your Relationship Alive.
One of the very best things you can do for your kids is to put your spouse first! Strong marriages make strong families. Not only does it provide your children with a sense of safety and security, but it shows them what real love should look like. If you are always putting your children before your husband, you are not doing them any favors. In fact, you’re doing them a great disservice.
I get it, your husband is a grown man who can take care of himself and your children are small and need you. But do you know what they need the most? They need a happy home. And happy couples create happy homes. When you’re working together to be a better husband and wife – you will be better parents. It’s hard to change your ways, but if you want the solution for how to keep relationship strong after having a baby, this is it! Not convinced? Then, I highly recommend you hop on over and read Find Out Why Your Spouse Should Come First!
3. How to Keep a Relationship Alive? Bring Back the PDA.
I bet when you first started dating and fell in love, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Am I right? You were always cuddling up, holding hands, and sneaking in extra kisses. Well, how affectionate are you now?
After kids come along, things can get a little trickier in this department. I mean, it’s hard to snuggle up when you’re holding a baby and the toddler’s crawling all over you. But it’s important to be intentional in your relationship so you can keep that closeness. That’s how to keep your relationship alive even after kids! Physical touch should be happening regularly – and I’m talking about outside of the bedroom, too! Give him a little love tap as you’re passing him in the hall, hold hands when you’re driving in the car, or pause for a quick dance in the kitchen. If you have an unhappy marriage after baby, this is a great way for how to keep a relationship alive after baby.
Sometimes parents back off on the PDA because they don’t want to gross out the kids. But I say… go ahead and gross-out the kids! Obviously, you want to keep things G-rated in front of them, but it’s okay for them to see you kissing, cuddling, dancing, and being in love! In fact, it’s good for them. Part of our job as parents is to model what a strong marriage looks like. Besides, I don’t know about you but, I never want my children to question whether or not I love their dad. I want it to be glaringly obvious.
4. Make Time to Transition from “Mom Mode” to “Wife Mode”.
One of the best things we’ve done for our marriage is being consistent and firm about bedtime. Our kids know that after bedtime is our time! After 8 o’clock I am no longer mom–I’m Becca. Dealing with diapers and crying all day, I need a break and time to transition from “mom mode” to “wife mode”. After the kids are in bed, I take a nice hot bubble bath (this stuff is my favorite!) or shower and let all the stress of the day wash down the drain (along with the spit-up that I’m usually covered in). Afterward, I always feel more refreshed and more me. Besides, I’m much more likely to cuddle up close to my hubby when I’m feeling clean and smelling yummy. Trust me this is the key for how to keep a relationship strong after having a baby.
Whatever you need to do to transition out of “mom mode,” make time for it! Sure, being a mom is a 24/7 gig, but remember, so is being a wife! And you’ll be a much better, happier mom if you make time for yourself too. So let’s review, because this is a hard one for new parents, how to keep a relationship alive after baby? Schedule in some mandatory “me” time!
5. How to Rekindle Romance: Flirting!
Yeah, you’re his wife, but never stop being his girlfriend! Don’t lose the playful, fun part of your relationship–that’s where all the romance is! Don’t stop flirting! Especially at home. Adapt to and learn the art of flirting in front of your children. Leave love notes for him to find, send flirty text messages while he’s at work, or give him a small gift— just because! It’s time to reclaim the FUN in your marriage. Have inside jokes! Find moments to laugh together. It’s a great tip for how to keep a relationship strong after having a baby
If you feel like you’ve forgotten how to flirt or you’re a little out of practice, no worries! We have a whole list of Ways to Flirt with Your Spouse to get you started. So start to rekindle romance if you have an unhappy marriage after baby!
6. Unhappy Marriage After Baby? Quit the Competition.
Don’t play the “who’s doing more work” or “who has it harder” game. The truth is, being a mom is hard. Being a dad is hard. But you have to remember that you’re on the same team. If one of you loses, you both lose. Instead of complaining and comparing, work together to support, complement, and encourage each other. You should be your spouse’s biggest fan and cheerleader. Not his rival or competitor. So ditch the scoreboard and stop keeping track.
Complete each other, don’t compete with each other. Take time to continue sharing your hopes and dreams with each other. Create a bucket list and include things you consider both doable and far-fetched; nothing is too small or big. Have fun! keep adding to and checking things off. Before you know it you will no longer be wondering how to keep a relationship alive as parents.
7. Be His Lover, Not His Mother is How to Keep a Relationship Alive
Even though you’re a mom, you are not his mom! Never give into the urge to nag or mother your spouse. Too often women complain that their husband “acts like one of the kids.” Well, if you want him to act like a man, then you need to treat him like one. Give him the love and respect that he deserves and never talk down to him or about him. You wouldn’t like him acting like your dad and telling you what to do, right? So remember it goes both ways. If you want to be treated like a queen, treat him like a king. An unhappy marriage after baby is almost guaranteed if you are hovering over your spouse with criticism.
8. Get on the Same Parenting Page to Prevent an Unhappy Marriage
Parenting is a tough gig. Chances are, you and your spouse are probably going to have different parenting styles. It’s important to be united as a team, so the kids can’t pit you against each other. While most of us can agree that we both have our child’s best interest at heart, we sometimes disagree on what that “best” is. Because we were all raised differently, we bring different viewpoints and experiences into our marriage.
Now, remember, you don’t have to think alike to think together. But you do have to learn to practice honest, open communication. And it usually requires a great deal of humility and patience. It might not always be easy, but parenting is one of the best ways that we can work to become one in our marriage. If you want to know how to keep a relationship alive after having a baby, you need to get on the same page!
9. Make Love to Stay in Love and Keep the Relationship Alive
It’s totally true, making love is one of the best ways to stay in love. It’s about a lot more than just sex. Intimacy is like the glue in a marriage. Besides being FUN and creating a stronger marital connection and bond, it also has some pretty nice benefits too! Ready to hear ’em? Here we go! Regular sex has also been scientifically proven to help you: weigh less, look younger, have less wrinkles, have less stress, gain more confidence, AND have less headaches. And those are just my favorite benefits! I mean come on, why would you NOT want those? I’d be interested just for the beauty benefits alone.
Yes, it can get a little trickier after the kids come. Maybe you’re always tired and exhausted or over-touched from having kids climbing on you all day. But intimacy is a vital part of your marriage, and it’s worth any time and effort that it takes to improve it. If you’re struggling in this area or have an unhappy marriage after baby, communicate with your spouse and let him know that you want to work on it together. That’s one of the reasons why we created our Intimacy Conversation Starter Cards. So definitely peek at those if you’re wondering how to rekindle marriage.
Maybe it’s worth having him watch the kids while you take a nap so you’re not so tired or having him give you a massage using nice oils to relax. Or maybe it means getting your hormones checked. Whatever it is, make it important to you. Because it’s important to your marriage. Need somewhere to start your marriage romance? We recommend you start with our 7 Days of Sex Challenge and then maybe move on to our DIY Sexy Subscription Box and our Ultimate Intimacy Mega Pack.} Plus we also have a Sexy Gift Guide full of great ideas for how to keep a relationship alive!
10. How to Keep a Relationship Alive? Don’t Give Up!
Romance in marriage is not a one-time commitment or act, it’s a continuous decision. Romance in marriage is about choosing each other again and again — every day. It’s about forgiving, learning, and growing. Romance is about falling in love with each other over and over again. It’s the little things we choose to do each day. Pray for each other. Serve each other. Love only diminishes when we stop giving it, so never stop. Marriage is a 365 Day a year gig, your marriage romance should be too. The best idea we have for how to keep a relationship alive is to simply never give up!
How to Keep Relationship Strong After Having a Baby
And there you have it! The 10 secrets to keeping the magic and romance in your marriage, even after kids! Don’t settle for an unhappy marriage after baby! Learn how to rekindle romance and how to rekindle your marriage despite the hardships of parenting! Hopefully, now you have some solid plans for how to rekindle your marriage.
Do you have anything husband and wife romance ideas you’d add to the list? Let us know in the comments! We’re always looking for more ideas on how to romance your wife or husband and tips for strengthening our marriages.
Pssst… for more ideas on how to keep the romance alive and how to keep a relationship alive after kids, make sure to check out our At-Home Date Night Ideas for After the Kids are in Bed.