5 Things That Men Really Want When It Comes to Sex

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What Men Really Want

Today, we’re here to tell you what men really want in bed! And the best part: These are just as satisfying for you too!

Most of our readers are women who are truly trying to make the absolute most of their marriage, so it’s no surprise that when we put together a list of the top 10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew, everyone was interested. When we talked with our readers after that post aired, the #1 thing they said they wanted to hear more about was what husbands had to say about S-E-X. So we got to WORK. We sent out a two-question survey in our newsletter and the responses started pouring in.

The results were amazing!

For me personally, as the official collector and compiler of the results, it’s been an incredibly moving experience in so many ways. Yes, of course – we preach communicating effectively with your spouse. And yes – you could find out all of these things, I’m sure if you sat down and had a heart-to-heart with your husband. But let me tell you something we’ve learned while reading these results over, and over, and over again: he loves you. Seriously. More than anything, he doesn’t want you to lose confidence. He doesn’t want you to feel guilty. He doesn’t want to make you self-conscious of how often you have sex. He just wants you to be happy with who you are and all that you do. So when we said to the men – “Hey. Take this survey. It’s anonymous. Say whatever you want about sex,” they really let loose. They opened up. They let stuff off of their chest. Just by looking at the results, we feel pretty confident saying that your husband, more than anything, just loves having sex with you.

And the reasons for that just might surprise you.

Initially, we titled this post, “10 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Sex,” thinking that men would surely have enough to say to give us that wide of a variety to draw from. When the results started pouring in, though, we realized that all of the responses were fairly consistent. In fact, we can honestly say that we had basically 5 answers that repeated themselves over and over again. So these words are gold, people.

We are seriously blown away by the responses that we received and want to share them all with you!  Now, we can’t share everything, everyone said – so we sorted through all the answers and compiled…

The Top 5 Things Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Sex

These were the 5 most common answers – the ones that kept popping up over and over again.

Here they are, in descending order:

What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Sex
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5. Be confident.

  • The sexiest thing is confidence. You are my wife. I will love you and I find you sexy no matter what, so be confident in yourself. Nothing turns me on more.
  • I want her to be more adventurous in the bedroom, to leave her inhibitions at the door.  (These truth or dare sticks should help with being adventurous)
  • Be uninhibited. Don’t be embarrassed. Explore more. Relax!
  • Just be confident, and make an effort to be enticing.
  • Her confidence and desire for me is a huge turn on!
  • To me, the set up is the most important. Flirting on the phone, high heels, and the attitude is what makes it good. Anticipation is everything! I love seeing her confidence and desire for me.

4. It’s so much better when you enjoy it.

  • Sex is better for me when I know she is enjoying it. It makes it so much better when both of us can have some fun!
  • Sex is way more fun when we both enjoy it. I do not want to just be serviced because she thinks it’s a duty.
  • Be open to try new things. I like it when she can explain what she likes, and what feels good for her.
  • I want her to be just as into sex as I am. If it is all about “meeting my needs” then what’s the point?
  • It’s okay to relinquish control and just enjoy being pleasured.
  • Let yourself enjoy it.
  • I’d love it if she could be a little more sexually adventurous, and show how much she is enjoying it.

3. Stop obsessing about the way you look.

  • I wish my wife knew that her weight, her outfit, her hair, her nails are so irrelevant to me when we are being intimate. I am so in love with her. All I want is for her to want to be there with me.
  • I wish my wife KNEW that she is so much sexier and beautiful to me than she gives herself credit for. Even though I tell her, she still criticizes herself.
  • God didn’t put conditions on [the beauty of your body] like “at time of birth” or “before you had kids” — I see you as beautiful and sexy, so just stop trying to convince me otherwise. I don’t care about a bit of flabby-ness or some stretch marks; heck I wouldn’t even notice half of what you see if you didn’t insist on pointing it out to me.
  • I don’t care that she has gained some weight over the years. I still find her sexy and beautiful and love to be with her.
  • I can tell by her comments that she is concerned with how the rest of the world views her appearance. Maybe not a lot, but some. She is soooooo beautiful and attractive to me, though. Her sexiness is much more than her “curves and all her edges, all her perfect imperfections.” I love ALL of her. I wish my words alone were enough to convince her of her beauty and attractiveness.
  • I wish that she was more comfortable in her skin and unafraid to be sexier with me. I appreciate that she doesn’t dress in overtly sexual clothing when we go out and that she respects herself, but I just wish she would be unafraid to show a little skin (not just lingerie, but outerwear as well) when it is just the two of us.

2. It’s so much more than just physical.

  • I wish she knew that sex improves intimacy and my connection to her. It helps me with having more positive thoughts about her each day.
  • Sex isn’t just sex to fill a biological need. I wish my wife knew how much I feel so much closer to her when we have sex. Sex provides a pillar of stability in our marriage that helps me feel like we are still in love. Sex is a major part of how I express my love for her.
  • Sex is my way to connect. She likes to talk. I like to touch.
  • I wish she knew how much it makes me feel connected to her.
  • I wish she understood that it is not just something to do to fill time. It has meaning, it has substance. It means and shows the level of our love life together. Being an afterthought to other things she could be doing implies our marriage is not worth much.
  • I wish she knew how special it is to me that she is sharing her body with me in that way. It’s such a special thing for her and me.
  • It’s more than just physical gratification. It makes me feel closer to my wife. It’s a part of stress relief; it’s not a chore.
  • Sex is a way for us to connect. When I want to have sex, it isn’t a selfish desire, but a desire to please you and connect with you. Sex is a good thing for a healthy relationship.
  • It is a wonderful way to reconnect and recommit to each other.

Are you ready for the TOP answer?!

1. Be spontaneous and initiate.

  • I wish she would be more spontaneous, rather than just “scheduling it in.”
  • Keep it spontaneous and simple!
  • The sex in our relationship is good, but it’s somewhat monotonous. Bring in some changes. Have fun with it. Don’t just do the deed, Play! Surprise your babe with these spicy dice!
  • When my wife comes on to me, it makes me feel as though she is happy and fully in love with what she has.
  • I wish my wife would initiate sex more. It makes me feel like she really wants to be with me.
  • It is easier for me to make it more enjoyable for her if I can tell she’s excited or hopeful about having a good time.
  • Make an effort to show an interest and want sex once in a while. It makes a world of difference.
  • Don’t be afraid to initiate sex. I love to feel wanted and desired.
  • I wish my wife knew that I want her to be involved in developing our intimacy, and not just wait for me to start something or suggest something new.

Are you as uplifted and inspired as we are over here?

I really hope this post has given you some desire to make the most of your love life together. Personally, seeing all of the responses (and compiling them all) has really helped me see that sex means so much more than I realize. It’s a bit mind-boggling, and my view of it has changed completely. I hope yours has, too! If you’d like to get into the head of men, even more, be sure to read “For Women Only: What You Need To Know About The Inner Lives of Men.” Shaunti Feldhahn did essentially what we just did, but on a much larger scale – she surveyed thousands of men! It’s a fantastic read, we highly recommend it.

Not only that, Laura M. Brotherson, a certified sex therapist, created a fantastic resource for women to help them better understand their sexuality. Make sure to check out her Sexual Wholeness for Women Course if this is an area you want to improve! (Plus, she’s an AMAZING and experienced therapist that knows her stuff!)

Right NOW really is a great time to set a goal and amp up your life in the bedroom. If you’re a little nervous to dive in and start making big changes, we have a TON of ways around here to help with that. We adore bedroom games, as we find they really help take the “pressure” off. Plus, all you have to do is print ’em out! Be sure to check out our Ultimate Intimacy Pack if you’re looking to really turn up the heat in the bedroom. We have a ton of other fantastic, free ideas here at The Divas, and you can see our complete list of bedroom games here.

Here are a few of my personal favorites:

Do you feel like you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling with your spouse?

Want to Spice Up Your Sex Life?

If you want more ways to spice things up in the bedroom, you need ForePLAY Fixes! We’ll text you & your spouse new, sexy ideas to try each week. 

  • Husbands get a text on Monday.
  • Wives get a text on Wednesday.
  • And on Friday we’ll send you both a sexy date idea!
ForePLAY Fixes Foreplay Ideas

Foreplay your way to better sex today!

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The first time my husband saw me, I had whipped cream all over my face, and chocolate smothered all over my chef whites. He asked me out right then and there, and he didn't even know my name! Five beautiful years, two incredible kids, four teensy apartments, and a darling home later...he still sweeps me off my feet everyday! I am a true lover of travel, music, vintage fashion, classic literature, teaching, my faith, and midnight baking.

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Recent Comments

  1. I wish men would understand in order for many women to feel close to their significant other, and to fulfill a lot of this list, their emotional needs need to be met outside of the bedroom too. So often men don’t engage because they don’t feel they’re getting what they need. When if they’d take a beat to figure out what she needs, they’d likely get what they want. If not, it’s time for a conversation

    1. Thank you so much for your insight and comment! Yes, this is always a touchy subject but needs to be talked about 🙂

  2. I love reading this, but how do I get my husband to tell me what he wants in bed. He is shy and won’t talk to me. I want to spice things up and get the conversation started on what each of us wants sexually

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