The Very Best Questions to Ask Before Marriage
Communication is a HUGE part of success in marriage and can definitely impact a relationship—for better or for worse! We believe one of the best things couples can do to start their marriage off right is to discuss their expectations of marriage before saying, “I do!”
That’s why we created an epic list of 130 questions to ask before marriage! This unique list of marriage questions is designed to help couples get beyond small talk and into meaningful, loving conversations. Let’s take a look!
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Table of Contents
- The Very Best Questions to Ask Before Marriage
- How to Print & Use Marriage Questions
- Marriage Questions: Our Future Family
- Marriage Questions: Expectations
- Marriage Questions: Communication and Conflict
- Marriage Questions: Our Future Finances
- Marriage Questions: Intimacy
- Marriage Questions: Spirituality
- Marriage Questions: General
When my husband and I were engaged, we lived four hours apart. Being away from my fiance was torturous, but looking back, it was one of our greatest blessings. Living so far from each other forced us to talk and communicate on a whole different level. Rather than snuggle and watch a movie, we would chat on the phone. Those long hours (and it was hours) of talking led to important conversations about the marriage we hoped to have and our expectations of marriage.
During our engagement, we purchased a book called 300 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask Before Marriage. We used these premarital counseling questions to foster lengthy and sometimes unexpected discussions. Our question-based conversations were vital in establishing strong communication skills early in our marriage. It gave us opportunities to share our feelings openly and even talk about some of those uncomfortable topics in a safe way.
With this personal experience as inspiration, I joined forces with the talented Courtney from All Things Bright and Beautiful to create seven beautiful pages filled with questions for any couple to use to get the communication started! Besides being gorgeous, each page is full of tailored questions for an engaged couple regarding
- Communication & conflict
- …and more!
These marriage questions are designed to engage both of you in subjects foundational to a strong marriage or help you talk about things you might not have considered.
How to Print & Use Marriage Questions
Because we love you so much, we’ve made it super easy to use these “premarital counseling questions”! First, you can print this list by clicking on the “FREE DOWNLOAD” button at the bottom of this post. To make mine more durable, I placed my pages into a 3-ring binder to form a book. (I think that this will be the perfect engagement gift for my next lucky friend!)
If you don’t have a printer available or don’t feel like printing, we’ve written out all of the questions in each category below. Simply scroll down through this list, and you’ll see the same marriage questions found in the *free* printables.
Once you have your questions printed and/or your phone handy, grab your future spouse and get chatting! You could set up a specific date night for the two of you, or you could do a few questions each day. Got a road trip coming up? Bring this along! There are so many ways you can use these questions to ask before marriage!
Marriage Questions: Our Future Family
These questions to ask before marriage are designed to get you thinking about your future family. What does that family look like? Will it include kids or pets? If so, how will you raise and discipline them? These are essential questions you will need to know before marriage!
1. Do you want to have kids? If yes, how many?
2. How long after getting married would you want to wait to have children?
3. If we were unable to have children naturally, is adoption an option?
4. If we were unable to have kids naturally, are we willing to do fertility treatments?
5. What kind of parent do you want to be?
6. How do you plan to discipline your children?
7. What do you believe is the best method for raising children?
8. Will one of you stay home with the children, or would you use child care?
9. Do you believe higher education is important for your children?
10. Do you anticipate raising our children (a) the same way you were raised (b) completely different from the way you were raised (c) a mixture of both?
11. What family traditions would you like to have in your home?
12. How do you feel about having guns in your home?
13. What is your relationship with your future in-laws?
14. How do you plan to split holidays with each other’s families?
15. How often should you visit in-laws?
16. Do you have any concerns about any of my family members?
17. Do you hope to live close to family or away?
18. What did you admire about the way your mother and father treated each other?
19. Do you want to have pets in your home? If so, what kind?
20. Where do you plan to live?
21. Where do you not want to live?
22. How do you feel about immunizing your children?
Marriage Questions: Expectations
This section of marriage questions is designed to help you and your future spouse express your expectations of marriage. This is so important because, after all, unhappiness and resentment in marriage often stem from unmet expectations. Don’t just expect your spouse to read your mind in this area—communicate!
23. How do you plan to divide up the household chores?
24. Are household duties dependent on the gender of the person?
25. Do you believe a married couple should do everything together?
26. How do you feel about maintaining relationships with other friends?
27. How do you feel about having relationships with friends of the opposite sex?
28. Do you need or want time alone?
29. Once married, do you expect your spouse to express their love daily?
30. What are your expectations for each of your roles in marriage?
31. What do you, as a couple, picture the ideal marriage to be?
32. What type of relationship do you hope your spouse to have with your family?
33. What type of relationship do you hope your spouse to have with your friends?
34. What are your short-term goals?
35. What are your long-term goals?
Marriage Questions: Communication and Conflict
Communication: the sharing of information! How will you share information with one another, and how will your emotions play a part? It is so important to be clear and open with your future spouse when talking about how you will resolve conflicts in your marriage.
36. Do you feel you could communicate with me under any circumstance and about any subject?
37. How do you respond to conflict? Do you avoid it? Does it intimidate you? Do you fight fair? Do you yell? Do you intimidate? Do you withdraw?
38. When there is a dispute in our marriage, how should the conflict get resolved?
39. What, if any, would be cause for a divorce?
40. What is unacceptable in marriage—no matter what?
41. What do you consider “abuse”?
42. How do you communicate love?
43. What makes you feel loved?
44. Do you have a hard time saying sorry?
45. What makes an apology feel sincere to you?
46. How do you express anger?
47. What triggers your anger?
48. How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
49. At what point should mediation be used in a marital conflict?
50. When you are in a bad mood, how would you like me to handle it?
51. Who, if anyone, would be a confidant outside your marriage to talk to about any problems?
52. Who should know about the arguments we have?
53. How do you respond to stress?
54. What helps you destress?
55. How do you respond to grief?
56. What embarrasses you?
Marriage Questions: Our Future Finances
Money is really difficult to talk about. Be open at the beginning of your relationship to help you and your future spouse hopefully avoid financial issues in the future. We have some great resources to help you navigate your finances, such as tackling different spending habits, budgeting tips, best budgeting books, and how to pay off credit card debt.
57. Are you a saver or a spender when it comes to money?
58. How much, combined, will we make annually?
59. Together, how much do you owe in debts?
60. Together, how many assets do we have?
61. What are our financial goals?
62. Who should be in charge of paying the bills?
63. What are your career goals?
64. How do you plan to achieve your career goals?
65. How much time do you spend at work?
66. How much time is too much time to spend at work?
67. How much, combined, do we have in savings?
68. How much do you think we should have in savings?
69. How should money be budgeted in our marriage?
70. Would you want to have joint banking accounts or separate ones?
71. Do you plan to rent or buy?
72. Do you plan to invest in properties, stocks, or bonds?
73. Are you a risk-taker when it comes to investments?
74. When is it acceptable to use credit cards?
75. How often do you use credit cards?
76. What is your credit score like?
77. What is your definition of wealth?
78. How important is money to you?
79. What justifies going into debt?
80. How should we prepare for a financial emergency?
81. How do you feel about creating a budget before we are married?
82. Do you live by a budget now?
83. Do we have health insurance?
84. What are your retirement plans?
85. Do either of us need to pay alimony or child support?
86. Where do you currently spend most of your money? Which items do you view as necessary to have vs. nice to have?
87. Is it important to you to have a certain standard of living?
88. Do you like to gamble?
89. Do you plan to give to charity on a regular basis?
90. What is your work history? Have you been able to maintain a
job for a long period of time?
Marriage Questions: Intimacy
This category is also known as “sex questions to ask before marriage!” These questions are difficult to talk about because it is so personal and, well, private.
However, we believe this list of sex questions to ask before marriage will help promote an open line of communication about sex in your relationship. Listen to one another and commit to being non-judgemental. Your conversation with one another should feel safe and loving.
If pornography is an issue, take a look at these amazing articles to help you navigate it: The Impact of Porn in Your Marriage and Navigating Your Spouse’s Porn Addiction.
91. What are your views on fidelity?
92. What do you consider as “cheating” in a marriage?
93. What does “commitment” mean to you?
94. How do we show love to each other?
95. How often do you expect sexual intimacy?
96. If I were to gain weight, would it affect our sexual relationship?
97. If physical attraction were eliminated, what would be left in our relationship?
98. What are your views on pornography?
99. Do you have a history with pornography?
100. Who should initiate marital intimacy?
101. How often do you think we should say “I love you” to each other?
102. What would you need to feel wanted and needed sexually?
103. What turns you on sexually?
104. What turns you off sexually?
105. What boundaries do you have when it comes to sexual intimacy?
106. How will you deal with one partner wanting it and the other not?
107. How do you feel about showing affection (kissing, holding hands, etc.) in public?
Marriage Questions: Spirituality
Because how you think, how you feel, and how you act is directly related to your beliefs, then your beliefs directly affect your marriage on a daily basis. This is true whether you share a similar belief system or whether you’re in an interfaith marriage. Find out where each of you stands in regard to spirituality with these marriage questions.
108. Is there a certain religion you profess to?
109. Will religion play a part in raising your children?
110. Do you share a common belief? If no, how important are those beliefs to who you are?
111. What do you believe is the purpose of life?
112. Would you support your spouse in their service to their church?
113. Do you believe in prayer? If yes, do you hope to pray together as a couple?
114. Do you expect to go to church each week?
115.Where do want to be married?
116. Is it important who marries us?
117. If your faiths are different, how will you raise your children?
Marriage Questions: General
Here’s a list of questions that didn’t fit into any of the other categories but are just as important! Think of these questions like you’re asking your future spouse “Is there anything else I need to know before we get married?”
118. Why do you want to get married to each other?
119. Why have you chosen me for your future spouse?
120. How long should you be engaged?
121. What are you most worried about in regard to getting married?
122. What are your top priorities in life?
123. Do you have any health problems I should know about?
124. Do you have any psychological problems I should know about?
125. What are your political views?
126. Are there political issues that you are passionate about?
127. Is there anyone opposed to our marriage? If so, why?
128. How important are physical looks to you?
129. Is there anything that I should know about you that I don’t know about you?
130. Do you have any unresolved issues from past relationships?
131. Have you ever been involved in criminal activity? If so, what?
132. Are there any hobbies that you engage in that are time consuming?
Don’t you just love all of these questions? We really feel like these questions to ask before marriage will open up the lines of communication and foster good habits of expressing and fulfilling needs, wants, and expectations in marriage.
And if you loved this list and want even more conversation prompts, take a look at our huge list of conversation starters for couples! Xoxo!
These are great questions! Here’s a true story: After 5 years of marriage I elbowed my hubs, winked and eye, and asked him when we should start thinking about kids. He looked at me dead in the eyes and answered matter of factly: “I don’t want kids.” Oh, yeah… we forgot to talk about that! Anyway, 11 years and one beautiful baby girl later, I think we better go through these, huh? Just to avoid any further surprises! 😉 Love your site, Divas!
What a great story! Glad it worked out in the end! Thank you for sharing!
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