Let’s talk for a minute here. We all know that communication in any relationship is key and in a marriage, it is extremely important!
A strong marriage requires couples to be able to speak freely and openly about any topic, but especially about difficult topics that directly affect their relationship.
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What Makes a Strong Marriage?
Every newlywed couple wants the kind of marriage relationship that will last for the rest of their lives, but very few actually know how to make that happen
Do you want to know what the difference is between the average married couple and the couple that still has “the hots” for each other decades later? The ones that are still head-over-heels happy? It is INTENTION!
The key factor in how strong your marriage is, is the intentional effort made by both husband and wife. It is your everyday decisions, words, and choices that make the difference.
Marriage doesn’t make you happy- YOU make your marriage happy! There is no love in marriage. Love is in people! YOU have to infuse it into your marriage!
The truth is, no great marriages “just happen.” We make them happen!
If you want more love, romance, passion, or connection, YOU need to create it!
And in order to create it, you need to be able to talk about it.
One of the greatest habits & skills that you could create for your marriage is learning to open the door for real connection & honest communication. No matter what might be causing a bit of friction in your relationship, the answer is: to intentionally create stronger communication skills!
Our marriage is only as strong as what we invest into it.
Why is Conversation So Important to a Marriage?
Conversation and communication are vitally important to marriage because it creates connection and emotional intimacy.
In order to create a sense of security in your relationship, you both must feel seen, heard, & understood.
For this reason, emotional connection is key in marriage. It’s the glue that holds you together. It’s what creates a strong, stable foundation of friendship, security, understanding, and trust that you can build off of to develop greater passion & deeper love.
Disconnection, on the other hand, inevitably leads to a variety of marital problems.
How Do You Start a Conversation with Your Spouse?
If you’re looking to start some conversations with your spouse, but you’re not sure what to talk about- conversation starter questions are the perfect solution!
How you use these cards is up to you!
- You can have a date night dedicated to discussing the questions on the cards.
- Or you could choose to answer a different question every day.
- Got a long drive in the car? Bring these along!
- In a long distance relationship? You will never run out of things to talk about with these!
Our conversation starters for couples are meant to make this process as easy and simple for you two as possible, so you can spend your time connecting!
Conversation Starters 101 – What Should You Know?
Conversation Starters are a great way to improve the communication & connection in your relationship. However, it’s important for both of you to go into the conversation with open minds and hearts.
Before you get started, here are some quick communication tips:
- Don’t interrupt. Let your spouse finish their thoughts before sharing your own.
- Listen with the intent to UNDERSTAND, not just with the intent to REPLY.
- Try to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and look at things through their unique perspective.
- If you don’t understand their view or perspective, ask questions!
- Remember, you don’t have to think alike to think together.
- The goal is not to determine who is right and who is wrong. The goal is for both of you to enlarge your perspectives & gain a greater understanding of each other.
- Avoid placing blame on your spouse. Use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. For example, “I feel overworked.” Instead of, “You don’t help around the house.”
- Avoid exaggerations such as “I always…”, “You never…”, or “Why don’t you ever…”.
- Remember, that these questions are just a starting point. We encourage you to go beyond just answering the question into deeper, heart-felt dialogues.
- End your communication session with expressions of love & affection.
Great for All Couples
As a new couple, we found books with questions for married couples and we devoured them in our conversations. We talked about everything from family to expectations to fears. Sometimes we would breeze through questions and other times, one question turned into a lengthy discussion. Having questions on hand really helped to spark the conversation and help us ease into conversations that might have otherwise been uncomfortable.
To give YOU that same strengthening experience, we have gathered hundreds (yes, hundreds) of questions for you and your spouse to conquer – all in one printable kit! The Conversation Starters Kit includes printables for creating your own unique carrying case for your cards, plus the 250 question prompts in the following categories:
- Intimacy – conversation starters to help with what could otherwise be an awkward topic to discuss.
- Finances – no one likes talking about it, but we all HAVE to! Use these conversation starters to help smooth out the process for both of you.
- Quality Time – learn more about your spouse on a deeper level than just casual conversation. These conversation starters will do just that!
- Romance – get on the same page romantically with these conversation starters!
- Family – like they say, it’s not about thinking alike. It’s about thinking TOGETHER! And that’s what these conversation starters are all about.
DIY Card Holder Idea
These conversation cards are designed to fit perfectly in a traditional Altoid Mint tin. The tin provides the perfect place to neatly store the conversation cards you are currently working on. This conversation card tin would also make a fantastic wedding gift idea for a new couple! It is cute AND the cards are something that would really benefit their marriage – win, win!
Note: This storage idea is completely optional. Your cards can easily be used on their own, or you could even use a hole punch and attach an index card/book ring to keep them together. You can’t go wrong either way!
How Do You Start a Hard Conversation?
When starting a difficult or sensitive conversation with your spouse, here are some tips to keep in mind.
- Start the conversation when either of you are stressed, hungry, or tired. If it’s been a long, hard day and you’re both getting ready to sleep- it’s probably not the best time to bring up a tough topic.
- Accuse or attack. The goal is to attack the problem together, not to attack your spouse. Instead of “We need to talk!”, try something like “I’ve been thinking about… I’d love to hear your thoughts.”
- Beat around the bush. It complicates communication when we have to guess at each other’s thoughts and wants.
- Make it all about you. Yes, it’s important to express your feelings, wants, and needs. But, it’s just as important to understand your spouse’s perspective.
- Be direct, but kind. Always speak with love.
- Use a relaxed tone of voice.
- Be patient and try to keep a soft expression.
- Maintain eye contact, and pay attention to body language.
- Ask open-ended questions. The goal is to hear their view, not just tell your own.
- Remain open-minded.
- Listen as much (if not more than) you talk. Listen intently to understand, not just reply.
- Open up and be vulnerable! It will be easier for your spouse to give into vulnerability if you already are.
The most important element of these cards is simply that you have a chance for deep, heartfelt conversation together and a chance for you to openly discuss topics that are important in a marriage.
Conversation cards are a great way to get talking with your spouse and we have made it so easy for you! No more beating around the bush! No more uncomfortable topics swept aside!
How Do I Ask My Partner To Communicate Better?
The number 1 barrier that prevents couples from having the relationship of their dreams is that feelings are hard to communicate for a lot of people. Usually there is one spouse who does not naturally feel comfortable being vulnerable, opening up, and talking about their deepest feelings. It can feel scary!
The good news is that we can be the “safety net” for our spouse so it’s not so scary. By being vulnerable first, we make it easier for them to join us. It only takes one person inviting the other to come closer to them.
Here’s some tips to consider when asking your spouse to communicate with you:
- Explain why this is important to you & how you think it will benefit your relationship.
- Be honest & vulnerable when expressing your desire for more connection with them.
- Create safety by listening lovingly & never using their words against them.
- Make it fun! Communication doesn’t always have to be heavy or serious. Turn it into a date night by going for a walk while you talk or grabbing drinks while you chat in the car.
Start to strengthen communication in your marriage today!
Conversation Starters For Couples
Check out the FAMILY CONVERSATION CARDS!
Chatting with your kids about their fears, hopes, dreams, ideas, & memories is the best way to get into that little head of theirs, and get closer to them! We’ve created 300 conversation topics of fun family questions & prompts to get you talking together.
And make sure to check out our Anniversary Gift Guide for some awesome gifts!