**EDITED TO SAY: We’ve received email after email from women asking for ideas on how to involve their husbands more after a new baby comes. We were also asked if we could come up with ideas on how to keep the romance alive during that *six-week* time period. We initially emailed each reader back, but after the emails continued to pour in asking for ideas, we decided to put together a post that included all of the ideas that other readers had come up with as well as ideas some of the divas have used. Pick & choose what you’d like out of this as we know each person has their own taste & adjusting to life after having a baby will be different for everyone.
This post is designed to really help you through that six week recovery period after you’ve had your new little baby. Especially if this is your first baby, the changes will come as a huge shock… especially the changes in your marital relationship. Some husbands graduate into fatherhood with ease but for the majority of new fathers there comes a wave of emotions. Such as: feeling ignored by their wife, the baby is getting all of your attention, you are exhausted all the time and aren’t interested in what’s going on with him, not to mention he thinks he’s going to have to go the full six weeks or more in a ‘dry spell’, and so on. They try to man up and be a support to you, but it can be a very difficult time for them. So The Dating Divas have created a few things that you can do to help make the transition into fatherhood a little easier, a little more special, and a little more spicy!
Making Him Feel Special
I know that a lot of times us Mommy’s feel like we do SO much during those first few months after a new baby…and we DO! However, sometimes having a new baby in the house makes it really easy to overlook the needs of our spouse and perhaps all of the help/support they actually give to us during that time. I know that I’m definitely guilty of being a little bit selfish when I’m taking care of a new little baby and have had the mentality of, “Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?!” What we don’t realize is that our spouse is probably feeling a bit overwhelmed himself, that he is also feeling a bit neglected from (you guessed it) his wife! Mainly because her attention is focused on the needs of a new baby, and he is probably feeling a little bit disconnected. Or in some cases he’s feeling A LOT like this and just doesn’t want to tell you. So we’ve made up a list of ways that you can make him feel like he is STILL important to you and that your marriage is still a priority.
- Email pictures of the baby throughout the day to ‘Daddy’. Print off cute signs and lay them by the baby saying things like, “I love my Daddy!”, or “Thanks for working hard for me!”, or even “I can’t wait to see you tonight.”
- Call your husband, ‘Daddy’. Talk to your baby about how special Daddy is. Be sure to let Daddy feel of your love in how you portray him to your baby from day ONE.
- Dress up cute for your man and be there for him. They understand what you are going through so they will be happy with anything that you do. So dressing up cute (or even a little skimpy – ahem, especially if you are nursing – WINK) would lead to other things without involving intercourse.
- When Daddy is making an effort to help with the baby especially in the middle of the night, NEVER OVERLOOK IT! Verbally say “thank you,” say it with your eyes and smile, hug him… you will never regret showing as much appreciation as you can. It will help him feel included and loved. Even if it’s just helping with the extra loads of laundry from the baby’s room. There’s just so much that Mom does herself because she’s the only one with the milk, so she’s already up with night feedings, changing diapers in the night, cleaning up spit-up, etc….and dad’s at work most of the day, so these are all on her during the day too.
- Sing songs like, “I’m so glad when Daddy comes home” to your baby when Daddy can hear you.
- Give your hubby time alone with the new baby. It allows him to bond with the baby without feeling pressure from you or the other kids around. It really helps him feel connected and is MUCH needed.
- When the baby is asleep, really take time out for your man! Ask him how his day went instead of complaining about yours, just TALK to him so he doesn’t feel ignored.
- Lay out your husband’s pj’s, pull the covers back on his side of the bed, and put his favorite book on his pillow so he can relax before going to bed.
- Go to bed together at the same time! After having a baby, you just want to sleep any chance you get and often times you’ll be asleep before he comes to bed. Make the effort to be awake for him!
- If you have a blog, take pictures of Daddy with the baby and do a whole blog post dedicated to him and the baby. Talk about how great he is with the baby, supporting you, helpful around the house, etc. Husbands appreciate when they are recognized for their efforts.
- Allow your husband to help out in any way that he wants, even if it isn’t how you would do it. Talk to him about his day, and make memories together.
- Talking to your hubby about ways he can help you out around the house or with the other kids is a great way to be on the same page. Then make sure he gets a reward for the help… it could be anything from when the six week recovery is over to some cologne he has wanted.
- Pick a movie night, or make sure you still go out on date night. Get a babysitter (even if it’s just a few hours) it will mean a lot to him.
Cute Little Things
In addition to ways we can make him feel special, here are a few ideas on how to go above and beyond to make him not only feel like a super hero father, but also one fantastic hubby. These little ideas will hopefully help lessen the sting of having your attention elsewhere and help to include him in this special process.
- When you see things with the name ‘Dad’ in them or his favorite things, grab them and use them as little gifts for Daddy to find (i.e. Dad’s Root Beer, POP Rocks, Sugar Daddy, etc.)
- Have a gift for him after the baby is born. Such as giving him a willow tree statue (the one depicting a father holding his baby) and write him a note telling him what an amazing father he is and how much you appreciate him.
- Put together a fun “New Dad” basket and have it ready ahead of time so you can present it to him when you get home from the hospital. Some fun items could include Dad’s Root Beer, Pop Rocks (check out Kiirsten’s fun Intimate Moments post for this!), a Rookie New Dad t-Shirt, beef jerky, Sugar Daddy candy, some new slippers, and The Idiot’s Guide to Being a New Dad book.
- Make up this adorable Baby Daddy Basket created by The Crafting Chicks full of his favorite treats and notes from you to make him feel loved and appreciated!
- Put together a Daddy’s Diapering Kit! haha! It will be something you can laugh about together, but he will actually get some use out of it! If you want to get a real kick out of a fun kit, put together a Parent Survival Kit for your man!
Okay, let’s be honest here. The six weeks of recovery after your baby is born can be a little bit harsh on any relationship. Intimacy is such an important, intricate part of marriage and needs to be nourished on a regular basis. So we have come up with a few ways to help make that time a little bit easier without skipping out on it all together.
- Use your mouth and be creative with it! He’ll definitely be happy and your lady region can stay on vacation!
- Your breasts are huge when nursing, so entertain him there. Your milk can be quite the curiosity of husbands which will turn into fun for both of you.
- Just touching him [ahem, in that sensitive area] while in bed can be a good alternative for a man if you’re not planning on having intercourse. It’s the attention and the attraction that counts, and if it turns into a little more, then, well… bonus for him.
- Have foreplay without the intercourse. It will turn your hubby on AND you…so it’s a great bonus (especially since you aren’t feeling the cutest after having a baby).
- Back rubs are great after a new baby – but do them naked! Then you can finish off with a little play action on him – he still gets to see you naked, YOU get a MUCH earned massage, and he gets a little ‘relief’ at the end of it (if you know what I mean). You can even try out a Sensual Touch Massage to spice things up.
- Every man loves a good flash… so use those nursing boobs and get to work! lol
- Once all of the kiddos are in bed, get dressed in something that is a little more risque and try dusting the T.V. while he’s trying to watch it…or mop the floor on your hands and knees while he’s eating a late night snack.
- Play a few Bedroom Games that are all about foreplay and nothing more! Or have some Flirty Fun With Candy to get things spiced up!
- Make your first time after the six weeks are up special! In some ways it’s just like the first time…so create a very romantic ambiance by Setting The Mood to make the occasion extra special.
We hope that you have found some fabulous ideas this past week on how to make your marriage a priority during and after pregnancy! Let us know what you think and what you would LOVE to see us cover next time!
Pretty sure that was my comment! (I’m back again for ideas since I’m due without third any week now! Lol) Yes, it was my first and her delivery was incredibly traumatic on my body since the doctor thought it would be better to birth against gravity rather than in a more natural position. ?? Baby #2 was born at home with minimal tearing and we were back to “celebrating” MUCH sooner! Number 3 is planned for home also, so I’m hoping for another smooth, uneventful birth and quick recovery! Thanks again for the ideas! (Although tbh, the idea of scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees after giving birth is not quite my cup of tea! Lol! Think I’ll stick with the mop if I have the energy to clean the floor!)
ROFL! Alyssa! I know, right!? After my third child – the thought of scrubbing anything on my hands and knees seemed absolutely ridiculous! I did happen to invest in a steam mop – which is now my best cleaning friend. Ha! I’m impressed at what a trooper you are. I’ve never been able to attempt a home birth due to lots of complications and I’ve always been in awe of women who can. So bravo my friend! Hope #3 is a seamless, happy delivery! Best wishes to you and your little family!
THese are some great ideas. One thing that I did to kinda ease my husband into fatherhood (he was not a baby person and I think he had held a baby less than 5 times before Little Man was born) was to ask him to help hold the baby for a short time. Like hey can you hold him while I wash my hands, go to the bathroom, etc. It’s not like I couldn”t have put Little Man down, obviously I did during the day when he was at work) but it gave him a short time period to hold the baby and get used to it. After a couple weeks he was more comfortable with holding Little Man and would initiate it on his own. I think he’ll be more comfortable this time (currently expecting #2) so I am excited to see how he is 🙂
Also I have a couple ideas for intimacy that really helped us. Any sqeemish readers can stop here 🙂
The shower is a great help in those first 6 weeks. We have always tried to shower together so we continued that post baby and when he really needed a release I would dance for him in the shower. It worked great for us and he didn’t feel neglected.
Another suggestion that i have is from this pregnancy. I was diagnosed with placenta previa early on (it has since moved thank God!) and we had to go a full 10 weeks without any action down there for me (and at the time we didn’t know if it would continue the whole pregnancy) and we didn’t have the distraction of settling in with a new baby (which I think helps with the whole 6 week thing because you are both distracted and trying to figure out the new normal) so we had to get creative. It was also hard because I really wanted some too, but i couldn’t have anything so I felt like I was giving out a lot without getting much in return, but that is another story, and I think that it did help him to know that I wanted some too, that I wasn’t happy about withholding either. Anyways what we did was (sorry if this is TMI) I would help him while he touched himself by making noises, showing him myself, and moving sexily.
The last suggestion is actually for after the 6 weeks is up. Apparently some people get their drive back quickly, but that wasn’t the case for me. We were still intimate, but I wasn’t really enjoying it that much which of course cuts down on his enjoyment too. I got this suggestion from one of my friends and let me tell you it helped a lot! I prayed and asked God to give me a desire for your husband. God cares about every aspect of our lives including this one and he is more than willing to help. I was amazed how well this worked!
Just a few suggestions that helped me, hope they help others too! (I would post them on my blog but I have family members that read it, and that could get embarrassing 🙂
Oh my goodness, these are FABULOUS ideas! I love that you shared these with all of us — I know that every post-pregnancy is different, every relationship is different, and every mother faces different challenges with her body during the recovery process. I loved how your were able to help your husband ease into fatherhood. I know that some men just pick it up so easily, while for others there is a very real time period of adjustment. And, lol, your story wasn’t TMI for me, I love that you were able to find a balance and knew that your marriage needed attention just as much as your little one does. Bravo!
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