Navigating the Different Life Stages of Marriage
You and your spouse will likely experience various life stages throughout your years together. Do you feel equipped and ready to tackle each stage head-on?
In this post, you’ll find tips and advice to help you and your spouse successfully navigate the different stages of life together.
Table of Contents
Common Life Stages That Most Couples Experience During Marriage
There are several great resources offering information about the different stages of life that most long-term relationships will encounter. Here are two of our favorites:
- The 7 Stages of Marriage (Everyday Health)
- What Are the 7 Stages of Marriage and How to Survive Them? (Marriage.com)
While these articles categorize a marriage into seven specific life stages, we have opted to condense our advice and insight into three key stages that we believe most married couples typically experience throughout their years together.
We’ll explore each stage in its broadest sense and offer tips for successfully navigating this stage, even if it might look a little different for you and your spouse.
The three pivotal life stages of marriage can be broken down as follows:
- Newlyweds/honeymoon
- Post-honeymoon/parenthood
- Empty nesters/retirees
Let’s jump in!
The First Years: Newlyweds & Honeymoon Stage
Ah, the honeymoon phase! For many couples, it only lasts about one year, but we’ve heard couples mention how they’re still in the honeymoon phase some 20 years later!
While most people associate the honeymoon phase with experiencing the warm and fuzzy “lovey-dovey” feelings for each other, along with romance and spontaneity, we have noticed a few other things that take place during this stage. These include:
- Getting on the same page about boundaries.
- Setting goals for your future (financial, spiritual, social, etc.).
- Learning to adjust and accommodate each other, especially when it comes to living together and combining two different lifestyles, upbringings, and backgrounds.
Sure, these romantic feelings can last a lifetime as long as you put the work in. But this isn’t the most important part of the honeymoon phase!
These first few years together will likely set the tone for how the rest of your marriage will play out. You’re laying the groundwork for your future selves and your future family. It’s hard work, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
Here’s what you can do to make the honeymoon phase a little easier:
Have the tough discussions before you say, “I do.” This includes discussions about money, future goals, your roles as husband and wife, boundaries with friends and family (and each other!), and sex. If you’re already in the midst of your honeymoon phase, that’s okay! Better late than never to have these important conversations.
Don’t compare yourselves to other couples. Comparison is the thief of joy, and the grass is not always greener on the other side. In actual fact, the grass is greener where you water it!. Your relationship is completely different from anyone else you know. You may go through similar phases/situations as your friends and family, but the relationship the two of you build is still completely unique. Nobody is perfect, no marriage is perfect. But the two of you can build something nearly perfect together as long as you put in the hard work and don’t compare where you’re at to other people. Life isn’t a race, so don’t treat it as such!
Continue to date each other. It’s so important to continue dating your spouse even after you’ve exchanged vows! Plan weekly date nights, flirt with each other and treat each other the same way you did before you got married. This will help you keep the spark alive for years and years, guaranteed.
Practice patience, and give each other grace. If you didn’t experience living with someone before you got married, then getting thrown into the same home together is going to take some adjusting. That’s okay! It’ll take some figuring out (especially when it comes to who gets the most closet space 😉). You were both raised in different households, you both have weird habits, and you both have routines that are completely unique to you. Combining all of that can seem overwhelming at first, but if you extend patience, kindness, and grace toward each other, you will find a rhythm and routine that works best for your combined household.
The Middle Years: Post-Honeymoon Stage & Parenthood
The newlywed stage is over, and you’re now in the midst of your marriage. You’ve more than likely established a good routine together, you might be thinking about starting a family, or maybe you have a few kids already, and you’re probably graduating college and getting into your “grown-up” careers. Life is good!
Here are some things you may experience together during this stage:
- Balancing family, careers, your social life, etc.
- Making time for each other in between child-rearing and/or career changes.
- Experiencing a midlife crisis or feeling like you’ve “lost” yourself.
These are likely the busiest years of your lives, and you may be wondering how you can possibly manage it all while maintaining your sanity. That’s completely normal!
You’re also probably missing the good ol’ days when you and your spouse only had each other to worry about, and all of your free time could go toward things you loved to do together.
Here are some tips for making these middle years seem a little less daunting:
- Make weekly date nights a priority. Yes, this tip is popping up again, and for good reason! Setting aside time for you and your spouse to be together, just the two of you will strengthen your marriage more than you think. This time together will allow you to slow down and enjoy each other on a weekly basis. It’ll give you the time to reconnect, which is so important. We recommend implementing the “no kids, no work” rule, too. This means you can’t discuss kids or work during your date. This time together is to talk about the two of you! (Pro tip: scheduling sex may be one of the best things you can do during these years, too!)
- Create a family calendar to keep track of important dates. Keeping a calendar in a high-traffic place in your home will ensure that important appointments, social obligations, extracurricular activities, etc., won’t be forgotten. In turn, this will help you and your spouse remain on the same page about the commitments you have made and how much available/free time there is to spare. No more, “I told you about this last week!” Work smarter, not harder!
- Set aside time for yourselves as individuals. Time together is so important, but having your own “me time” is also important. When you’re on an airplane, they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before you help someone else. This can be applied to your marriage, as well as other relationships. How can you expect to help others if you aren’t taking care of yourself? If your cup is empty, you can’t fill someone else’s. Trust us when we say that both of you need to take a few hours each week to do something for yourselves, no matter how big or small it is! This can also help alleviate feeling like you’ve lost yourself in your new roles as a husband/wife, parent, employee, and more.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s important to address it anyway. The person you’re married to right now is not the same person you married all those years ago. People change, and that’s okay! Your spouse’s aspirations, likes and dislikes, hobbies, goals, preferences, and MORE have probably changed over the years. Keeping communication open and easy will ensure that the two of you are always understanding and supporting each other.
The Later Years: Empty Nesters & Retirees
These are the days you’ve been silently dreading yet also anticipating. The kids are probably grown up, the house feels empty, your careers are coming to an end, and all of a sudden, you have much more time on your hands.
Some common experiences for empty nesters/retirees are:
- Securing your retirement.
- Picking new hobbies/interests that the two of you can enjoy together.
- Keeping the spark alive.
These years can be full of adventure or a little more laid back. You can experience new things or stay in your comfort zone. The best part about it is you’re together, and you finally feel like you have plenty of time to spend with each other. It’s entirely up to you how you spend the rest of your lives together!
Here are a few things we think you should be doing during these years to remain closer than ever:
- Continue dating each other and keep your tradition of weekly date nights going. Yep, this piece of advice is back again! It’s still so important to find time to connect with each other, even if you feel like you see each other plenty. Date nights give you both an excuse to dress up, get out of the house, try something new, and get out of your daily routine. Not to mention, this will help you keep the spark alive!
- Set new goals together. You may have accomplished nearly all of the goals you set together when you first got married, but that doesn’t mean you can’t set new ones together. You are both growing and changing and so is your marriage! Discuss how you’d like the rest of your lives to go with fitness, travel, finances, family, and everything else in between! You now have the time to work on several things together. How awesome!
- Discuss finances often and remain on the same page. Financial stress is one of the leading causes of divorce. During these years, you might not have a normal cash flow coming in, so it’s important that you remain on the same page when it comes to your spending habits. You’ve both come so far in your marriage, so don’t let finances get in the way of your relationship now.
In Conclusion
Your life stages may look different than what we’ve laid out in this post, and that’s okay! No two people are the same, so it’s only fair to say that no two marriages are the same. What’s most important is that you and your spouse are going through these life stages together as a team, not necessarily how you do it. Do what works best for YOU, and work with each other instead of against each other.
We hope you have found these tips helpful and you feel ready to tackle the different stages of life with your spouse. Remember to enjoy each and every milestone you experience together because that is really the crux of it all: you get to share the journey of life with your best friend right beside you.
