Communication in Marriage
Good communication in relationships is important. Duh, yes. You’ve heard it, you know it, you’ve lived the truth of it! However, despite everyone knowing the importance of good communication in marriage, so many marriages are still struggling to communicate effectively. Old habits creep in, the stress of daily life makes it hard to keep your cool, and sometimes you just flat out don’t feel like talking. That is all normal, but we want to help you elevate the communication in your marriage to help you make a lasting, healthy change.
We have the secret to excellent communication in relationships, and we want you to have it. The great news is if you are having issues communicating with your spouse, you can make a change today, yielding a closer, more fulfilling connection.
Couples Communication in Relationships
Robin Williams was once quoted saying, “I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up alone. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.” Poor communication in a marriage leads to this type of heart-wrenching loneliness. Perhaps you’ve felt this, or are feeling it now. Improving communication in relationships is the solution.
One of the biggest struggles in any marriage is figuring out how to talk about problems without fighting. There are so many instances where one spouse responds without even taking in what their partner has said. We have all done this. You prepare your retort before your spouse has even finished speaking. It becomes about proving a point and winning an argument, rather than being heard, and in return, listening. This gets us in a communication rut wherein both spouses say the same thing over and over again, constantly coming back at each other, but neither is actually heard. Neither spouse is influenced by what their partner has said because they never met in the middle to internalize and understand. They never properly communicated. So, how do we fix this?
How to Communicate Effectively in a Relationship
Here is the secret to having great communication in relationships: Make your spouse feel like they matter and that what they say makes a difference. The quality of listening is everything.
Let that sink in for a moment. If your spouse genuinely feels important, and that their words are valued, the dynamic between the two of you will shift. Did you get that? The secret to better communication is less about what is actually said, and more about how well you both are listening.
This change starts with you. Let their words enter you–feel them, think on them, and be fully present for them. Choose to reflect rather than react and your world will change. In conversation, reflecting takes a moment. It necessitates a pause, and it allows you to think about what your spouse meant before you automatically anticipate their next move and try to beat them to it.
Reflecting is also a crucial part of good communication in marriage because it negates assumptions. When you are internalizing and mulling over the words your partner actually verbalized, you don’t leave space to focus on negative assumptions about your partner or their intentions. Can you improve the quality of the listening you provide to your spouse? Make a change.
Communication Exercises for Couples
There are a few key factors that must be present if you want to improve communication in your relationships. First, a major influence on communication is whether or not you choose to be fully present as you converse together. When your spouse speaks to you, and vice versa, the first thing they need is to know that they have your attention.
Next, you need to acknowledge and express the validity of their points and feelings. This does not have to mean you agree with them. It means that what they have communicated to you makes sense. The tension and tendency to fight will ease as you allow this exercise in communication to become a habit. Expressing your understanding of what they are saying, even if you don’t agree, will lead your partner to see your side more readily as well.
Finally, state your request. What do you want out of the conversation? Certainly not to fight and argue in a circle. Own your communication, don’t criticize and leave room for guessing. State outright what you want and why you feel that way. Don’t expect your spouse to know the subtext, or to interpret that the issue is about more than what you are actually saying out loud. Communication in relationships should be direct, and that may also mean vulnerable.
How to Communicate in a Relationship
Of course, not all conversations are about problems. Some of the best conversations you’ll ever have in your life will be with your spouse. Don’t forget to put time into cultivating fun and exciting conversations with your spouse. You didn’t get married to argue and problem-solve. Challenge each other with thought-provoking questions. Laugh together, bringing wit and humor into your conversations. Communicate more effectively through the problems that arise, but also learn to communicate your feelings, hopes, and dreams. Use Conversation Starters for Couples to bring the fun back into your communication. Or check out our Sexy Pillow Talk Conversation Starters to really open up the lines of communication in a very sexy way.
Ease the feelings of loneliness and conflict by making your spouse feel important, validating their feelings and bringing the love back into your communication in relationships. Marriage is wonderful, but it takes work. Use this advice and learn how to communicate effectively in a relationship. It’s worth every bit of the effort.