Find out Why Your Spouse Should Come First

Putting Your Partner First in a Relationship

Children. They are adorable, they are LOUD, they are so easy to shop for, they are PERSISTENT, they are sweet. There are a million reasons why we spoil our children. But your real focus should be on putting your spouse first! If your family is in a place where the children rule the roost then you have got to put the brakes on that! Your kids, as wonderful and special as they are, should not be your top priority. Your spouse, that amazing person who holds your heart, needs to know that they are your #1 now and always. That’s right, you should be spoiling your spouse, not your children!

If this is lacking in your marriage right now then today is the day to refocus your energy onto the most important person in your life! The Dating Divas have come up with 10 marriage-strengthening reasons to spoil your spouse, not your kids.

Great ideas for putting your spouse first in marriage! LOVE the idea to spoil your spouse and NOT your kids #puttingyourspousefirst #whyyourspouseshouldcomefirst

 Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. To learn more about ’em, click here.

Who Comes First Husband or Child?

We have all envied them, those couples that are ‘newlywed-in-love’ with well-behaved children. How is it that they can be so happy? Are they even real? Well, we are here to tell you that YES, they’re real, and that CAN be YOU! We’ve figured out the secret to their success! So with all of our marriages combined, the Divas total years of experience, and if there’s one thing we know will make your marriage stronger, it’s spoiling your husband and putting your spouse first in your life! We aren’t talking about worshipping the ground he walks on and being a servant to his every need, but we are talking about refocusing your energy from always doing everything for your kids, to doing things for your man.

Make Your Spouse a Priority

We guarantee you are going to want all the details on this… so read on!

Why Your Spouse Should Come First

Here are ten reasons why your spouse should come first. Think on each of these ten reasons and hopefully it will help you to recommit to putting your partner first in your relationship. The question of who comes first spouse or children, or who comes first spouse or parents will be resolved once and for all!

So here we go… Your spouse should come first because:

1.  It all started with your spouse.

When it comes to putting your spouse first, remember, your family started with your marriage to your spouse {not the day your first child was born}. He is the reason behind it all! So while the kids may be the frosting- he is still the CAKE! That should be the foundation for all of your decisions as a family, first is the husband and the rest follows behind. Because without him, none of it would be in place.

2. Broadcasting your love is healthy for your kids to see.

One of the BEST things you can do for your children is to let them see you LOVE their father or mother. Strong marriages make strong families. Your children need the security of a loving family far more than toys or treats or even attention! So kiss in front of your children. Let them see you holding hands, snuggling together on the couch, and going out on dates. Putting your spouse first isn’t going to make them jealous, it’s going to make them SECURE.

Couples Communication

3. You are demonstrating what a relationship should look like.

Spoiling your spouse gives children an example of what a great marriage should look like. When you treat your spouse with kindness, courtesy, and love – your children will see that.  They will long for a marriage like their parents have and not settle for anything less! Take the time to learn about each other’s Love Language. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts is a fantastic book to read if you haven’t already. When you’re putting your spouse first, do it in a way that will show you’re children you truly care and are thinking about their needs too.

4. You can’t over-spoil your spouse.

As a parent, you are in large part responsible for how your children turn out. The pressure is on and you don’t want to raise your child to always feel entitled. But you already know your husband turned out great! {Thank you mother-in-laws all over the world!!} He’s already “raised” – so you don’t have to worry about spoiling him. So let the love FLY! You’ve got nothing to lose by putting your spouse first.

Who Comes First Spouse or Parents

5. Putting your spouse first makes life better for everyone.

As you take the time to spoil your spouse, you will also reap the rewards! Taking your wife on a date means a fun time for you too! Enjoy dinner, movies, great conversations, and fun activities. Buying a special gift? How convenient that box of chocolates has so many pieces in it! Go with the golden rule on this one and treat your spouse even better than you’d like to be treated. Though you shouldn’t be spoiling your spouse with the intention of getting anything out of it, more likely than not, they are going to reciprocate the love. It’s a win-win for you both. Putting your spouse first means putting your marriage first… and you’re a part of that too!

6. It will keep your priorities straight.

Spoiling your husband also helps get both of you out of your consistent routine. Spoiling your children; however, can turn into a routine too quickly! It’s easy to get caught up in to-do lists and managing all the details of everyday life. So surprise them with little things frequently. Taking time to spoil each other and putting your spouse first helps you refocus on what’s truly important! Your Marriage!

Making Time for Your Spouse

7. One day it with just be the two of you again.

One day your sweet babies will grow up and move out. They will have their OWN lives to live. Your spouse is going to be with you through it all. By showering your spouse with love and kindness your entire marriage, you will keep your love strong regardless of whether or not you have children in your home. You don’t want to feel like you need to RE-connect when you become empty nesters, so keep the love alive right now by putting your spouse first!

8. You are not in charge of your spouse.

Children rely on you to set boundaries and restrictions. It’s part of your job to discipline as a parent. You are NOT, however, your spouse’s mother. You are his lover! So forget the stress of teaching lessons and just LOVE your spouse… unconditionally!

Who Comes First Spouse or Children

9. It brings back the romance.

Spoiling your children can lead to self-entitlement and teaches selfishness. Spoiling your spouse can lead to romance and is one way of being selfless. So your kind words, sweet notes, little treats, special nights out… all of those ways of putting your spouse first can lead to romance and strengthen the bond the two of you share.

10.  It helps you to remember to not take your spouse for granted.

Spoiling your husband shows him that you still feel the same for him regardless of how long you’ve been together and what you’ve gone through. So take the time to get dressed up for date night with the ‘man of your dreams’, remember important events and milestones together and celebrate them. By putting your spouse first and letting your spouse know that you are thankful for every single day you’ve been together and your marriage will stand the test of time!

Communication Exercises for Couples

Putting Your Spouse First

If you want some fantastic suggestions on ways to spoil your spouse the ways that they like to be loved, then sign up for The Dating Diva’s Newsletter and get our FREE 7 Day of Love!

And take a second to peek at our 7 Days of Spoiling kit for a week’s worth of FUN, done-for-you ideas for putting your spouse first!

About the Author: Julie

My favorites are my husband, children, Downton Abbey, root beer slushes, and really good pasta.

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51 Responses to Find out Why Your Spouse Should Come First

  1. Hi Dating Divas,
    I can really second this article!!
    My hubby and I will be married for 19 yrs this year and we are more in love now that when we just got married.
    Our kids are teens now. It hasn’t always been easy but making a continuous decision to spoil and love my each other just the way we are, was the best not just for the both of us, but for the kids too.
    My daughter went to youth the other day, they asked the kids why do you love your parents, some of the answers were ’cause they buy me things’, ‘they make nice food’, ‘they spoil me’, etc. Later this week one lady asked me, how do you do it? Your daughters answer was ‘I love my dad for loving my mother and I love my mother for loving my father’.
    I couldn’t speak, tears streamed down my cheeks, and I just knew we were doing something right.

  2. Can anyone share some examples of spoiling your hubby? This was so my intent when we married, but it’s become so much more challenging while working pregnant & with a toddler. I really want to do better & could use some suggestions especially because my hubby is such a “no fuss” laid back kind of guy. There isn’t much that moves him which can be mostly great but also stumps my creativity! Help!

    1. You’re husband sounds a lot like mine! Here are a few ideas we came up with… #1 Make (or pick up) his favorite meal. You have to eat dinner no matter how busy you are, might as well pick out something just for him. 🙂 #2 Our text message pack is awesome because you can just send a quick, cute note to him without having to do any work. #3 I did our “Showered in Love” Valentine’s surprise for my hubby but I think it would work anytime of the year. It’s all stuff they use daily anyways but just makes it a little more fun! I also loved the 7 Days of Love and getting my hubby’s car sparkling clean for him. 🙂 The kids really loved helping me wash it! Hope that helps! XO

  3. Hi! I know this article is 3 years old, but I was just curious because I heard a marriage counsellor say that your spouse should come before your kids. It was a huge shock to me because it was the first time I’d ever heard that so I began looking for articles online. I think the problem people (myself included) have with hearing that is that it somewhat passes the message that you should always put the needs of your spouse before your kids. For example “Your child is sick but your husband has a big party coming up that he’d like you to attend so you leave the sick child and go with hubby” or “your kid is hungry but your spouse wants to make love so you ignore your kid” or “in life and death situations, you save your hubby and let the kid die.” Things like that. But I’m reading this (I stumbled upon this website) and I’m really understanding where you’re coming from. Even agreeing with you on most of your points. It is important to make your marriage a priority. However, I will admit the idea of the spouse being the topmost priority still bothers me a little. I think both your spouse and kids should be the #1 priority in your life and I don’t think either is more important than the other. They’re two different types of love. IMO, I think its just as important to be a great wife as it is to be a great wife. I enjoyed your article, though!

    1. Tarianna, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I wasn’t the Diva that wrote this great post but I loved your comment! It is definitely a hard concept- I know it is easy for me to put my kids first. They are little and helpless so I totally get that! I am also a child of parents who put us first and foremost! Above all else, even each other. Try parents divorced when I was in college because we were all gone. Even as an “adult” it was really hard. Today they are still friends but it definitely changed the dynamic of our family. If I could go back in time I would encourage my parents to take more walks together, more non-family trips, etc. To spoil each other a little more than they spoiled us. So I keep that in my mind. I think it’s everything in moderation but since it’s an easy natural tendency for us to put our kids first it’s a good reminder to put the hubby up there too! Thank you again! XO

  4. Thanks, Melissa! I’ll certainly be visiting your blog often! Definitely, as moms, it’s so easy to be absorbed in our kids. I think that’s because its instinct. So I definitely understand that it’s important to be reminded to prioritize your spouse, because it doesn’t come as naturally as prioritizing your kids does. At the end of the day, I do think that it’s important to tell your kid “I love both you and daddy very much and daddy is just as important to me as you are. That’s why I spend so much time with you and that’s why I need to spend time with daddy too.” I think finding a healthy balance is very important.
    *BTW, a parent should NEVER spoil their child. If you love your child, the best thing you can do for them is to teach them independence. What are they going to do when you’re not around?*

  5. Ahha and Julie I want to say thank you very much for the inspirational pin (Pinterest). It is very helpful and I’ll give it a try starting this week. I really appreciate the pin/post.
    Thank you again

  6. This article described exactly how marriages used to be and should still be. Sadly, kids come first these days. It’s a child centric world, not about family, or what keeps a marriage from falling apart. Funny why the divorce rate is soo high…

  7. Hello Dating Divas,
    I am so impressed with this Article .
    This was right on time I’m getting married next month .. Although me and my honey Love dont bilogical children ,he has took my 3 children up under his wings as though they are his own . These tips we’re so helpful for me I’m gonna share what I read with other women in waiting. Thank you so much for sharing this article makes total sense

    1. Oh, you are SO welcome! We are always happy to help! Congratulations and we hope that your marriage is filled with happiness and LOTS of dates!! Sounds like you have a sweet fiance! Thanks for your comment! XO