Find out Why Your Spouse Should Come First

Putting Your Partner First in a Relationship

Children. They are adorable, they are LOUD, they are so easy to shop for, they are PERSISTENT, they are sweet. There are a million reasons why we spoil our children. But your real focus should be on putting your spouse first! If your family is in a place where the children rule the roost then you have got to put the brakes on that! Your kids, as wonderful and special as they are, should not be your top priority. Your spouse, that amazing person who holds your heart, needs to know that they are your #1 now and always. That’s right, you should be spoiling your spouse, not your children!

If this is lacking in your marriage right now then today is the day to refocus your energy onto the most important person in your life! The Dating Divas have come up with 10 marriage-strengthening reasons to spoil your spouse, not your kids.

Great ideas for putting your spouse first in marriage! LOVE the idea to spoil your spouse and NOT your kids #puttingyourspousefirst #whyyourspouseshouldcomefirst

 Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. To learn more about ’em, click here.

Who Comes First Husband or Child?

We have all envied them, those couples that are ‘newlywed-in-love’ with well-behaved children. How is it that they can be so happy? Are they even real? Well, we are here to tell you that YES, they’re real, and that CAN be YOU! We’ve figured out the secret to their success! So with all of our marriages combined, the Divas total years of experience, and if there’s one thing we know will make your marriage stronger, it’s spoiling your husband and putting your spouse first in your life! We aren’t talking about worshipping the ground he walks on and being a servant to his every need, but we are talking about refocusing your energy from always doing everything for your kids, to doing things for your man.

Make Your Spouse a Priority

We guarantee you are going to want all the details on this… so read on!

Why Your Spouse Should Come First

Here are ten reasons why your spouse should come first. Think on each of these ten reasons and hopefully it will help you to recommit to putting your partner first in your relationship. The question of who comes first spouse or children, or who comes first spouse or parents will be resolved once and for all!

So here we go… Your spouse should come first because:

1.  It all started with your spouse.

When it comes to putting your spouse first, remember, your family started with your marriage to your spouse {not the day your first child was born}. He is the reason behind it all! So while the kids may be the frosting- he is still the CAKE! That should be the foundation for all of your decisions as a family, first is the husband and the rest follows behind. Because without him, none of it would be in place.

2. Broadcasting your love is healthy for your kids to see.

One of the BEST things you can do for your children is to let them see you LOVE their father or mother. Strong marriages make strong families. Your children need the security of a loving family far more than toys or treats or even attention! So kiss in front of your children. Let them see you holding hands, snuggling together on the couch, and going out on dates. Putting your spouse first isn’t going to make them jealous, it’s going to make them SECURE.

Couples Communication

3. You are demonstrating what a relationship should look like.

Spoiling your spouse gives children an example of what a great marriage should look like. When you treat your spouse with kindness, courtesy, and love – your children will see that.  They will long for a marriage like their parents have and not settle for anything less! Take the time to learn about each other’s Love Language. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

 is a fantastic book to read if you haven’t already. When you’re putting your spouse first, do it in a way that will show you’re children you truly care and are thinking about their needs too.

4. You can’t over-spoil your spouse.

As a parent, you are in large part responsible for how your children turn out. The pressure is on and you don’t want to raise your child to always feel entitled. But you already know your husband turned out great! {Thank you mother-in-laws all over the world!!} He’s already “raised” – so you don’t have to worry about spoiling him. So let the love FLY! You’ve got nothing to lose by putting your spouse first.

Who Comes First Spouse or Parents

5. Putting your spouse first makes life better for everyone.

As you take the time to spoil your spouse, you will also reap the rewards! Taking your wife on a date means a fun time for you too! Enjoy dinner, movies, great conversations, and fun activities. Buying a special gift? How convenient that box of chocolates has so many pieces in it! Go with the golden rule on this one and treat your spouse even better than you’d like to be treated. Though you shouldn’t be spoiling your spouse with the intention of getting anything out of it, more likely than not, they are going to reciprocate the love. It’s a win-win for you both. Putting your spouse first means putting your marriage first… and you’re a part of that too!

6. It will keep your priorities straight.

Spoiling your husband also helps get both of you out of your consistent routine. Spoiling your children; however, can turn into a routine too quickly! It’s easy to get caught up in to-do lists and managing all the details of everyday life. So surprise them with little things frequently. Taking time to spoil each other and putting your spouse first helps you refocus on what’s truly important! Your Marriage!

Making Time for Your Spouse

7. One day it with just be the two of you again.

One day your sweet babies will grow up and move out. They will have their OWN lives to live. Your spouse is going to be with you through it all. By showering your spouse with love and kindness your entire marriage, you will keep your love strong regardless of whether or not you have children in your home. You don’t want to feel like you need to RE-connect when you become empty nesters, so keep the love alive right now by putting your spouse first!

8. You are not in charge of your spouse.

Children rely on you to set boundaries and restrictions. It’s part of your job to discipline as a parent. You are NOT, however, your spouse’s mother. You are his lover! So forget the stress of teaching lessons and just LOVE your spouse… unconditionally!

Who Comes First Spouse or Children

9. It brings back the romance.

Spoiling your children can lead to self-entitlement and teaches selfishness. Spoiling your spouse can lead to romance and is one way of being selfless. So your kind words, sweet notes, little treats, special nights out… all of those ways of putting your spouse first can lead to romance and strengthen the bond the two of you share.

10.  It helps you to remember to not take your spouse for granted.

Spoiling your husband shows him that you still feel the same for him regardless of how long you’ve been together and what you’ve gone through. So take the time to get dressed up for date night with the ‘man of your dreams’, remember important events and milestones together and celebrate them. By putting your spouse first and letting your spouse know that you are thankful for every single day you’ve been together and your marriage will stand the test of time!

Communication Exercises for Couples

Putting Your Spouse First

If you want some fantastic suggestions on ways to spoil your spouse the ways that they like to be loved, then sign up for The Dating Diva’s Newsletter and get our FREE 7 Day of Love!

And take a second to peek at our 7 Days of Spoiling kit for a week’s worth of FUN, done-for-you ideas for putting your spouse first!

About the Author: Julie

My favorites are my husband, children, Downton Abbey, root beer slushes, and really good pasta.

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51 Responses to Find out Why Your Spouse Should Come First

  1. I completely agree with this post! You’ve done an awesome job. One thing I would add is that you should put your souse before everything, including kids. Some of us spend soo much time being busy that we forget to focus and make what matters most a priority. xox

    1. Michelle,
      You are so right- but I will be first to admit how challenging that can be at times, especially when you have little ones around being ‘squeaky wheels’! I’ve just had to be a little more creative in ways to spoil my spouse as we’ve added little ones to our family:)

  2. My daughter posted this to me with thanks for teaching her what a marriage should be. She now has a wonderful marriage and family and is living the concept. The only thing I can add is always put the desires of your spouse first- when you both do it’s awesome! Her mom truly lived by these rules and I tried to match her every step of the way. We married very young, (18 & 16) and had to learn as we went, it must have worked because we had 32+ years of marriage before she died. I miss her every day because of the sweet memories she left me.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment, Dan! It brought tears to my eyes. Your family sounds amazing and I am so glad you have those sweet memories to remember your precious wife! We wish you all the best!

    1. nicole, i think that this article still stands for your situation but i also think its important to have on a regular basis, family time that allows bonding for step kids. i remember being young and really looking up to my step mother but she never took time out for me. let your step kids go to stores with you or help you plan a surprise for your spouse.play games that inevitably get you laughing that allows a chance for them to trust you.not implying anything with your situation but just a thought 🙂

    2. My parents are divorced, and I have had a wonderful step family for 15 years now. It definitely can be hard, especially at first, and it all depends on the age of the children. But please, please, don’t worry about spoiling your spouse. All children need a strong marriage to observe. My stepmother is wonderful, and she DEFINITELY spoils my dad rotten! She is great example. When I was about 13, I realized that my dad was the happiest he had ever been, and it’s BECAUSE he was being spoiled! He was a doctor in a small town, and his life was crazy. She rubbed his feet EVERY NIGHT! (Amongst a billion other things. She’s amazing). My dad always says about her; “I make the living, she makes the living worthwhile.” It’s true. He is exponentially happier than he was with my mom, and it’s because she spoils him. If the children are young, they might not get it for a few years. But they will come around when they have an example of a strong marriage, and they will see how happier everyone is. If they really love their dad, it will fall into place. It might just take a while. Don’t give up!

    3. Nicole,

      I am a step-mommy to a caring 4 year old boy and I can tell you that hubby & I act no different around or towards him than our own children. In our home we model what we believe in hopes that ALL of our kids will learn from it one day. We believe none of our children are any more or less “special” than the others and they all recieve and deserve their own one-on-one time, that being said, when it comes to hubby & I our relationship is 1st priority. Yes, my step-son was a part of hubby’s life before I, but that doesn’t change my relationship to him as his wife.

    1. Sarah,
      Thank you! Writing this post was a great way for me to reflect on my own relationship with my husband and how I want to do everything I can to keep it strong:)