I wear many titles.
Boss Lady (Ha!)
But the one title that has taught me the most would have to be that of “Infertility Warrior.”
Who would have thought that the girl who grew up in a family of six kids, owned ALL of the Babysitter’s Club books, babysat the neighborhood children on a weekly basis, absolutely adored children, aspired to be an elementary school teacher (and taught for ten years)… would be the one who would be facing the trial of possibly not having children of her own. It seems a bit unfair, right?
But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure, if you would have asked me if I thought this trial was fair 10 years ago, I would have had a different response… but looking back at everything that’s happened, and how I’ve grown and changed… and all of the people I’ve been able to help along the way… I’m grateful and at peace. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this was how my life was supposed to be.
I once heard a quote that now I believe with all my heart, He knew better than me what needed to happen during the first ⅓ of my life.
I can tell you right now that this website, The Dating Divas, would never have been started if Jamie and I were able to have children on OUR timeline. I would have been too busy raising mini-me’s and there never would have been enough time in the day to dream up something like this. Instead, as we patiently waited our turn, I was able to turn my passion of strengthening marriages into a reality and in turn, we have now helped countless couples achieve the marriage they’ve always wanted. I’m also able to provide paychecks for the amazing divas who help run this site. ALL amazing dreams that were turned into reality because I was on the Lord’s timeline.
I’m excited to share that our patience has finally paid off. We are now pregnant with a precious little boy that we are so excited to welcome into the world in August 2017.
Is this my first pregnancy? No… but it’s the first one that we have high hopes of carrying full term! We have SO much hope for the future and I’ve been wanting to put our journey to paper for some time now. I’ve had the best support system during the past years and if there is anything I can do to help others out there who are struggling with infertility, I hope this post does just that. I’ll be sharing more on Instagram (and in our IG stories) in the coming months, so feel free to follow us over there! This is not a short post… it’s pretty much a novel. I wanted to get our entire story out, be as real as possible, but also share all of the valuable information we’ve learned along the way. If you are struggling with infertility or you have loved ones who are, I highly suggest learning more about what “infertility” really means and what the options out there are. I’m going to take you on our journey with us… and just a warning, I cry a lot. Ha! I promise I’m not a complete emotional wreck…. just a girl pumped full of fertility drugs that made me cry at every. single. commercial. But ya know, when I’m NOT pumped full of these drugs, I usually only cry during Hallmark movies. 😉 I’m SURE we’d be friends!
I’ve learned so much and am finally willing to open up and be raw. Before I dive in, I have to share that a huge part of our journey was relying on the Lord. I understand that not everyone will have the same beliefs as I do, but I trust that as I open up to share details of our story that are so excruciatingly painful and personal, that those who read this will be respectful in their responses.
When you are first married, you are on cloud nine. The thought of anything tragic happening to your spouse or yourself never enters your mind.
Jamie and I pretty much had the fairytale beginning. He was the handsome, spiritual, talented, well-rounded, financially set, to-die-for catch, I was well into my career as an elementary school teacher, and together, we had the funds to plan the wedding of our dreams AND build our first home together. We were in heaven! We knew we wanted at least a year or two to ourselves before having children, so we made the decision to go on birth control. For the first two years, we didn’t have a care in the world! We adopted our first “furbaby,” Jaxston, and our days were packed full of fulfilling things. I started a craft club with the neighborhood gals, I also started after-school dance classes for my students as well as after-school tutoring.
About a year and a half into our marriage, we decided to go off birth control. We’d heard that it takes a while for those drugs to work their way out of your system, so we patiently waited… let’s be honest, Jamie was a bit more patient than I was. Ha!
A little background… we lived in Utah and we are also LDS (aka Mormon). It’s the land of babies in Utah! All of our friends already had children or were pregnant. Once we made the decision that we were mentally prepared to join that group… it was quite hard for me to be patient! I knew it was a righteous desire to bring children into this world and at the time, I felt like our life was SO perfect… this was just the next logical step. A year went by and we were still childless.
Then… it happened! I was “late”… if you know what I mean. 😉 I am sooooo regular with my monthly cycles that I convinced myself that it was finally our turn! A week went by and I was further convinced that we were pregnant. I was nervous to take a pregnancy test because I’d heard from so many people that these aren’t always accurate. Instead, I made an appointment with my doctor. I also decided to create a fun way to tell Jamie we were pregnant! Jamie is an avid golfer and I decided to make a onesie with the words, “Daddy’s Future Caddy” on the front. It turned out darling and I was SO excited!!! It seemed like the perfect way to tell him. Boy or girl, our little one would be a little sidekick for Jamie on the golf course!
By the time I arrived at my appointment, I was over two weeks late. You have to understand that this was SO out of the ordinary. I’m like clockwork… on the dot… every. single. month. I knew my body and this was NOT normal! Two weeks was a huuuuuuge deal! At my appointment I did the normal routine, urine sample and all… and afterwards, the doctor came into the exam room and told me to head up to the front to schedule my next appointment. I just looked at him in shock and managed to stammer, “Wait, you mean I’m not pregnant?”
He looked at me in surprise and slowly said, “No….?” He must have seen the look on my face because he then quickly followed it up with, “Buuuut, don’t you worry! You are young! I’m sure you’ll be pregnant within the year.”
I managed to hold it together as I stumbled out to my car. I climbed inside, stared blankly at the steering wheel and then fell completely apart. I’m not sure how long I was in that parking lot crying, but I remember feeling completely numb by the time the tears slowed down. I had allowed myself to get my hopes so high that I hadn’t even considered the possibility of my body deceiving me. I had never, ever had a late cycle so I hadn’t even allowed myself to consider the fact that maybe that’s all it was… a LATE cycle. I don’t remember the drive home but somehow, I managed to pull into our driveway. When I walked in the door and saw my cute “announcement” sitting on our table waiting for Jamie, I lost it again. An hour later, I was finally able to pull myself together before Jamie came home from work and I hid that little onesie in a drawer I knew Jamie would never look. My hope was that I would be able to surprise him with it within the year, because you know, the doctor SAID it should happen on that timeline. Little did I know that little onesie would stay hidden for five more years…
Looking back, here’s what I WISH I would have done. I’m listing it here because I’m hoping it helps other couples out there. I wish I would have asked my doctor to do a full work-up with my blood work and any other test out there I could have taken. I wish I would have learned everything I could about my body and what it could/couldn’t do. I wish I would have learned more about my options if I wanted to speed up the fertility process. I wish I would have requested an “egg count.” I wish I would have been more proactive about our future instead of trusting that the doctor knows best. I’ve since learned that not all doctors are created equal and you should neeeever just go with the first one’s opinion. Knowledge is power and it’s even MORE powerful when you learn it firsthand, rather than taking someone else’s word for it. We didn’t know anyone who was struggling with infertility issues so it still hadn’t sunk in that WE had that issue. That was unchartered territory and something we just didn’t dwell on. We figured it would just eventually happen…
I threw myself into my teaching. I decided that if it wasn’t our time to have children yet, then I was going to LOVE on these little ones soooo hard and really invest in their futures. My afterschool programs were in full swing, I began putting on assemblies for the entire school, and was awarded Teacher of the Year. My craft club was also very fulfilling and I loved filling our home with beautiful things that I had created. Jamie loved golfing and would take advantage of the weather whenever he had a chance. We also loved going on trips and vacations and would escape whenever we could. Life was good and the absence of a little one in our arms wasn’t as much of a focus for us. We allowed ourselves to be happy, because life WAS good!
By this time, we were three years into our marriage, Jamie was in his 30’s, and the pressure from friends and family members was on!
From Friends: “You guys need to hurry up and have kids so our kids can be the same age!”
From Relatives: “You know, you aren’t getting any younger!”
From Parents: “Sooo, when are you guys going to give us grandkids?”
All of the comments that were directed towards us were said with either love or as a joke… but it still hurt. We didn’t think it was anyone’s business to know that we WERE trying to start a family, so we’d laugh it off or make jokes about “practicing.” Jamie and I are pretty outgoing and upbeat individuals so our reaction seemed perfectly normal.
We then made a life-changing decision that was nothing short of a miracle.