Why Learning How to Support Your Spouse in Front of Your Kids Is So Important
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as a parent is how to support your spouse in front of your kids—even when you aren’t seeing eye to eye.
It’s not always easy (especially in the heat of the moment), but it’s so important. Kids are always watching, and the way you interact with your spouse teaches them just as much as the lessons you try to explain. Supporting your spouse doesn’t mean you always have to agree—it means choosing to be on the same team, even when you see things differently.
If you want to create a home filled with respect, stability, and teamwork, it all starts with showing up as a united front.
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Parenting is hard work. You’re bringing together two different people with two completely different backgrounds, viewpoints, and experiences. And let me tell you—it’s not always easy. One thing I’ve learned is just how important it is to show support for your spouse, especially in front of your kids.
In marriage (and in parenting), communication is everything. I’ve found that talking openly and honestly about how we want to raise our kids makes a huge difference. Whether you’re married, separated, co-parenting, or in a blended family, your kids need to see you working as a team. It gives them a sense of security and shows them what a respectful relationship looks like.
Why Is Supporting Your Spouse In Front of Your Kids Support So Important?
Whether it’s backing them up during a parenting decision or just listening after a tough day, supporting your spouse is one of the most meaningful ways to strengthen your relationship.
When it comes to raising kids, backing up your spouse—especially in front of them—is essential. Undermining your partner, even unintentionally, can shake your kids’ trust and send some seriously mixed signals. And trust me—kids are smart. They notice tension. They pick up on tone. If they sense that you and your spouse aren’t on the same page, they might get confused… or even try to play one of you against the other. (Sound familiar?)
The goal is to create a safe, secure environment where your children know their parents are on the same team. That’s why I try really hard to model unity—even when we don’t totally agree behind the scenes.
How I Try to Show Support (Even When It’s Hard)
Supporting your spouse in front of your kids teaches them that love is built on respect, unity, and trust—even in the messy moments.
So what does support actually look like in day-to-day parenting? Here are a few things I try to keep in mind, especially when things get tough.
1. I remind myself: we’re on the same team.
At the end of the day, we both want what’s best for our kids. That common goal helps me stay focused, even when we have different ideas about how to get there. Sometimes it helps to sit down and talk about what that goal actually is. We’ve even written it down as a reminder for when things get tough.
2. We set expectations—together.
Whether it’s chores, bedtime routines, or screen time, we try to establish house rules as a team. If the kids are old enough, they can even help set some of the expectations. That way, everyone knows where we stand.
3. We create a plan for discipline.
Having a discipline plan in place has saved us so many arguments. If we’ve already talked through how we’d handle different situations, we’re way more likely to be consistent. And our kids know what to expect.
4. I use “we” as often as I can.
Instead of saying, “Your dad took away your tablet,” I’ll say, “We decided you needed a break from screens.” It might sound small, but that one word can make a big impact. It shows unity, and it helps prevent resentment toward one parent.
5. When we don’t agree (because of course that happens!)—we press pause.
If a disagreement pops up, we try to take it to another room. I don’t want our kids to witness an argument they don’t need to see. Yes, it’s good for them to learn how to handle minor disagreements respectfully—but the bigger ones? Those can wait until we’re alone.
And when I don’t know how to respond in the moment? I’ve learned to say, “Let us talk about it and get back to you.” It buys us time, and again, shows our kids that we’re a team.
What This Looks Like Day to Day
Support isn’t just about the big moments—it’s built in the small, everyday choices we make. Here are a few simple ways I try to show up and stay connected daily:
We do the little things together. Bedtime routines, meals, school pickups… whenever possible, we share the load. It’s not always 50/50, but we’re both involved—and that matters.
We check in every day. “How was your day?” has become one of our most important questions. It helps me stay in the loop and gives me a chance to ask, “How can I support you today?”
I show agreement, even when I’m not 100% sure. If my spouse is handling something and I might have done it differently, I don’t jump in and take over. Instead, I back them up and wait until later to talk it through privately. It’s not always easy, but it keeps us unified in front of the kids.
Consistency is key. Kids thrive on routine and predictability. I try to keep things steady, even on the days when I feel like I’m winging it.
One Last Thing I’ve Learned
This one took me a while to fully understand, but once I did—it changed the way I parented each of my kids:
Fair doesn’t mean equal.
Each of my kids is different, and what works for one doesn’t always work for the other. Instead of trying to keep everything “even,” I focus on making sure each child feels seen, understood, and loved. And that only works when my spouse and I are communicating constantly.
At the end of the day, parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present, supportive, and willing to grow together. Learning how to support your spouse in front of your kids is one of the most powerful ways to build a strong foundation for your family. It shows your children what respect looks like, what teamwork feels like, and how love shows up in everyday moments. Keep communicating, keep showing up for each other, and don’t forget to have a little fun along the way. 💛
Don’t Forget Quality Time After Parenting
Let’s be honest—parenting isn’t just about raising kids. It’s about growing together as a couple, too. So while the kids may take center stage most days, don’t forget to carve out time for you two. Laugh together, play together, and reconnect whenever you can.
Need a fun way to do that? Try bringing out your inner child with these lighthearted date nights! They’re easy, silly, and just might be the thing you both need after a long week of parenting.
