Dad Jokes the Whole Family Will Enjoy
Dads—they’re the best, right? Who doesn’t love a good dad joke? The best dad jokes are corny, punny, cheesy, and cringey, all at the same time. And how do you know when a joke turns into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent! HA!
You could look for dad jokes in a book, but we have 150 of the best dad jokes of all time right here in our Dating Divas dad-a-base! So read on and try not to laugh—we dare you!
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Table of Contents
Hilarious Dad Jokes & Puns
1. What did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday? “Aye, Matey!”
2. Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was out standing in his field!
3. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
4. What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
5. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands!
6. Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.
7. I made synonym rolls—just like grammar used to make!
8. Who stole the soap out of the bathtub? The robber ducky.
9. Why are teddy bears never hungry? They’re always stuffed.
10. Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
11. Why did everyone enjoy being around the volcano? It’s just so lava-ble.
12. What was the child who wouldn’t nap guilty of? Resisting a rest!
13. What did the zero say to the eight? “Nice belt.”
14. Why was the calendar afraid? Its days were numbered.
15. What did the fisherman say to the magician? “Pick a cod, any cod.”
16. What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
17. What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
18. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
19. How did the pirate get his ship so cheap? It was on sail.
20. Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies!
21. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
22. What is a little bear with no teeth called? A gummy bear!
23. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
24. What do you call a quiet laugh in Maui? Aloha.
25. What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to get down a hill? Walking…JK, Rowling.
One-Liner Dad Jokes
26. If towels could tell jokes, I think they’d have a very dry sense of humor.
27. I slept like a log last night and woke up in the fireplace!
28. I wish COVID-19 had started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
29. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
30. I just watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back with a friend, but maybe it wasn’t the best idea because it meant I couldn’t see the TV.
31. My dog used to chase people on a scooter a lot, but it got so bad we had to take his scooter away.
32. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
33. Someone has glued my pack of cards together—I don’t know how to deal with it.
34. Five out of four people admit they’re bad with fractions!
35. I was wondering why the frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.
36. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
37. I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
38. (Reversing the car) “Ahh, this takes me back.”
39. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it’s a soap opera.
40. I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
41. I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
42. I just got a promotion at the farm, and now I’m the C-I-E-I-O.
43. I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
44. I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was, then it dawned on me.
45. I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
46. Sometimes, I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward—that’s just how I roll.
47. My dog is a genius. I asked him, “What’s two minus two?” He said nothing.
48. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Dad Jokes for Adults
49. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
50. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.
51. Air used to be free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why? Inflation.
52. My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.
53. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
54. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.
55. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
56. I was stood behind a customer at an ATM, and he turned around and said, “Could you check my balance?” So I pushed him. His balance wasn’t that great.
57. What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account? PRIME-mates.
58. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but cats–can.
59. I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape.
60. I went to an emotional wedding yesterday. Even the cake was in tiers.
61. The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
62. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
63. Never criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.
64. What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.
65. Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
66. My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
Animal Dad Jokes
67. What do you call a blind dinosaur? A Doyouthinkhesaurus!
68. What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he left for work? Bison.
69. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? So-fish-ticated.
70. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
71. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted!
72. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.
73. What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary? Take the words out of his mouth!
74. What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? “Ruff!”
75. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.
76. What kind of sports cars do cats drive? Fur-arris.
77. What do you call a cow that just had a baby? Decalfinated.
78. What goes “ooo ooo oo”? A cow with no lips.
79. Where did the sheep go on vacation? The Baaaahamas.
80. Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell? He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.
81. Where do mice park their boats? At the hickory dickory dock.
82. What’s the best kind of music to listen to when fishing? Something catchy.
83. Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications.
84. What do you call bears with no ears? B.
85. Two goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing?!”
86. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch? “That hit the spot.”
87. What do music and chickens have in common? Bach, Bach, Bach!
88. Why should you not let a bear operate the remote? He will keep pressing the paws button.
Food Dad Jokes
89. I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy!
90. What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food!
91. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
92. What did the baby corn say to its mom? Where’s my popcorn?
93. What does a nosy pepper do? It gets jalepeno business!
94. How fast is milk? It’s pasteurized before you know it!
95. What’s the best thing to put into a pie? Your teeth!
96. Boy, I just got hit in the head with a soda. I was lucky it was a soft drink.
97. Why did the student eat her exam? The teacher told her it was a piece of cake!
98. Did you hear the joke about peanut butter? I’m not telling you. You might spread it!
99. What’s the most attractive fruit? A fine-apple!
100. What’s a chicken’s least favorite day of the week? Fry-day!
101. What do you call an avocado that’s been blessed by the pope? Holy guacamole!
102. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!! BREATHEEEEE!!!!!
103. Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero.
104. What state is known for its tiny beverages? Minnesota.
105. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
106. What do you call young avocados? Avo-kiddos!
107. How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience!
108. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.
Holiday Dad Jokes
Valentine’s Day Jokes
109. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
110. Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Yes, it’s February 14.
111. What do farmers give for Valentine’s Day? Lots of hogs and kisses.
112. Why shouldn’t you trust a pastry chef on Valentine’s Day? Because he’ll dessert you.
113. What’s an octopus’s favorite love song? I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand.
114. What did one oar tell the other oar? This is so row-mantic!
St. Patrick’s Day Jokes
115. What happens when you call a leprechaun short? He gets O’ffended.
116. Why do leprechauns hate running? They’d rather jig than jog.
117. When does a leprechaun cross the road? When the light turns green!
118. Why do we wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? Because real rocks are too heavy.
119. What type of bow cannot be tied? A rainbow.
120. How old are leprechauns? So old that they can remember when rainbows were black and white.
121. What do you call 10 rabbits marching backward? A receding hareline.
122. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.
123. What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny.
124. What do you get when you pour hot water into a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies.
125. What do you get when you cross a bunny with an onion? A bunion.
126. What do Easter eggs do for fun? Kar-ee-yolk-e!
4th of July Jokes
127. How come there aren’t any knock-knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings.
128. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party? Tea-shirts.
129. What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.
130. What did one flag say to the other flag? Nothing. It just waved.
131. What was the most popular dance in 1776? Indepen-dance.
132. Why did the duck say bang? Because he was a firequacker.
133. What sound does a witch’s car make? Broom, Broom!
134. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAIINS!”
135. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
136. I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn’t find it very humerus.
137. What do dentists hand out at Halloween? Candy. It’s good for business.
138. What do you call a zombie who cooks stir-fries? Dead man wok-ing.
139. What sound does a turkey’s phone make? Wing-wing-wing.
140. What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day? “Quack, Quack!”
141. Why did the cranberries turn red? Because they saw the turkey dressing.
142. What instrument does a turkey play? The drumsticks!
143. What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
144. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy.
145. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
146. What did one snowman say to the other? “Do you smell carrots?”
147. Who says, “Oh, oh, oh?” Santa Claus walking backward.
148. How do you wish a dog Merry Christmas? Feliz Navi-dog.
149. What animal is best at wrapping gifts? A velociraptor!
150. What do you call Santa when he’s wearing earmuffs? Anything! He can’t hear you.
Are you laughing as hard as we are?! We thought so!
If you are craving more funny dad jokes, take a look at these rad dad jokes books: The Ultimate Dad Joke Book and Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes. You could even gift it to your favorite dad this Father’s Day!
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