The 5 Love Languages Book Review

Diva Reviews of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

I don’t know about you, but I have heard nothing but raving reviews about this book. When my husband and I were first married we took a quiz online to find out what our unique love language was, but I never read the book, until recently. WOW, I thought I knew what this book had to offer, but until I read it cover to cover I didn’t fully understand Gary Chapman’s genius 5 Love Languages. We asked several of our Divas to chime in with their own reviews and experiences with this book. We’d love to hear your own thoughts on this book and how it has affected your marriage, let us know what you thought in the comments!

The Secret to a Love that Lasts

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The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

by Dr. Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages for Couples

Tara

I’ve read a handful of marriage books and this one is HANDS DOWN the one that made the biggest impression on me! A few chapters in, I jumped up, ran to grab a highlighter, and I went to town on that sucker! SO many gems I wanted to bookmark and remember. It was such an “AHA” moment for me! The idea that we all give and receive love in different ways made complete sense! I loved the examples in the book and I was able to easily pinpoint both my husband and my love languages. We also took the quiz just to make sure I was right… and sure enough, I was! It was so fun to see in “black and white” how we could best serve each other. This book has definitely earned its spot on our bookshelf and I love giving it away to newlyweds as the perfect way to start off their marriage!

Improve Your Marriage with The 5 Love Languages

Kari:

I have read many marriage books over the years, but this is by far one of the most influential. My husband and I read it together the first time and then I have read it again on my own. Our objective, when we read it as a couple, was simply to find areas in our marriage that we could work on and improve. When I read it alone, I wanted to become a better wife and find ways that would help me to focus on areas that my husband would recognize with his love language. Each time I read the book, I feel like I got exactly the knowledge that I was searching for. My husband and I found it humorous reading it together, reflecting on our own relationship. Mostly because I am all five of the love languages, while my husband is only two. But it gave us a firm grasp on what will work to show and receive love in the future. I think more so for my husband because I was showing him love in all five areas, while only two of those were working. But, since reading the book, I focus most of my energy on those 2 love languages instead of floundering about with the other three wondering why he wasn’t reacting as I expected he should. The one thing that has really stuck with me, in reflection, has been that we all show love, primarily, according to how we receive love. To show love in a way that another will receive it in their own love language takes forethought and selflessness. Because you are anticipating what they need in order to feel loved and you aren’t aiming to receive love or acknowledgment for your efforts. To me, that is the true meaning of showing love — to do so without agenda or hope of acknowledgment.

The 5 Love Languages for Men

Becca:

I was given this book as an engagement gift and I am so glad that we both read it together before we were even married. It was honestly the BEST way to start our marriage — already knowing exactly how we each preferred to be loved. It was such a great resource for us, and now it’s one of our favorite gifts to give at bridal showers and weddings. We love it so much that we bought The 5 Love Languages for Children as soon as we started our family. After all, it’s hard to know how to keep your child’s “love tank” full if you don’t know what makes them feel loved. I would highly recommend these books to any couple or parent!

The 5 Love Languages Thoughts

Melissa:

I read the book for the first time as an assignment in a marriage and family therapy class. It was hands down the best book I read that semester and over the course of both my career and marriage. It has been the book that I most highly recommend. It is written in such a user-friendly format that everyone can understand and learn from it. Things that they will begin implementing immediately. It isn’t just marriages that it will help with but any important interpersonal relationship you have. How does that person want and need to be loved? For myself it was so liberating and useful to actually pinpoint what “language” I was speaking. And I know without a doubt that my marriage would not be what it is if I didn’t have the insight into my husband’s love language (because we are NOT the same). Lol. This book empowered me with the tools to understand and love my husband the way he wants/needs to be loved, and vice versa. I think it is SO important to stop worrying about what you need and to start giving your spouse what they need first. The rest will follow. I work daily to fill up his love bank, this gets us through the not so good days and it makes loving that person everyday a way of life. Grab a highlighter, a pen, and two copies because you and your husband are going to want to read it together, write notes and then switch!

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

Alise:

The 5 Love Languages book helped me look outward with my love instead of inward.  It made me recognize how I myself feel love and that loving my spouse in the same way I receive love might not be giving him the fullness of my love. This book opened my eyes to how to change the way I love to better fit his needs.  Not only was this book eye opening, it was practical. I was able to take what I  learned and actually put it into practice to better my relationship. As your relationship grows and changes this is definitely a book that can be read again and again with new reflection each time.  

Mens Version of The 5 Love Languages

Jenny:

This book showed my husband and I that we were loving each other perfectly… if the other person was ourself! We tried to show love how we wanted love to be shown to us. That’s great, until you realize your spouse isn’t feeling very loved. I can’t recommend this book enough. It has changed the level of understanding in our marriage because I also know when he’s trying to show me love using his love language. In fact, I think I’m going to go read it again! SO good!

How The 5 Love Languages Book Helped My Marriage

Heather Lee

This is the first marriage book that my husband and I read together, and I can honestly say it completely changed our marriage! We were struggling to connect with one another and it was putting a strain on our marriage. I had heard great things about The 5 Love Languages, so we took the plunge! The first thing we did was take the quiz to determine which “love languages” we spoke — or rather — in what ways we preferred to be loved. I was worried that all the time I was putting into showing my husband love would end up feeling like a wasted effort, instead, I felt encouraged and motivated to truly fill up my husband’s “love tank”! Also, it was enabling to feel like I could relate to several love languages and the book could describe to my husband how to best fulfill my emotional needs! I discovered that one of my husband’s preferred love languages was quality time {AKA helping him with his projects… WINK}, so I would take the book out into the garage and read to him while he worked on rebuilding his truck! I’ll admit that I was more into the book than he was, in the beginning, BUT the book opened a door for communication that we desperately needed!

There have been 2 big things from this book that changed the fabric of my being:

1) The idea that we all have an internal “love tank.” As we love our sweethearts we fill their tank and ours simultaneously. As we love our sweethearts in their love language(s) we fill those tanks even faster!

2) Seeking to understand other’s love languages will draw people towards you! This is something that will help in ALL relationships! Obviously, my marriage is my most important relationship, and I really want my husband to be drawn in! As I work to learn his “love language” {because his are the opposite of mine… of course!} he is more inspired to learn mine! After 10 years of marriage, we still aren’t fluent… but we sure are a lot closer!

Thoughts on The 5 Love Languages

Heather

When I read this book, I read the Military Version as my hubby and I were on our second deployment together. I read it and started to see things in my marriage differently. I encouraged my husband to read it, so he got the Men’s Version. We both now see what a difference it’s made in our love life. Honestly, before the book I don’t even know how we were loving each other correctly. I’m quality time and gifts while my hubby is quality time and physical touch. We now know exactly how to keep our marriage afloat and fun! I definitely recommend this book to ANY married couple whether a newlywed or married for years, it will definitely make an impact on your love life!

The 5 Love Languages Military Edition

Sarina

I read this book long before I was married and fell in love with the concept. I immediately was able to identify my own love language and soon began to notice the same in others. Everyone wants to love and feel loved, and narrowing down how to best accomplish that on an individual level has really changed the way that I communicate my love with those I care about.

In my marriage, the book has made it really easy to communicate because we can use the same lingo in the book. Phrases like “I need more quality time and conversation with you” makes sense to my husband and “my love bucket is getting low” is easier than saying “I don’t feel loved by you.”

I completely recommend this book to anyone — regardless of your relationship status. Married, dating, or even single — this book will change the way you love those you care about.

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

Ferren:

I first heard about this book in one of my Family Life Studies’ courses. I was a newlywed at this point and really enjoyed the book. It made SO much sense. I read it out loud to my husband in our hour long commute and both of us immediately recognized the different ways we felt and showed love. My husband was really easy to pick out and he completely agreed with all the book had to say. I was a little bit more complicated with scoring 3 of the love languages were tied once I took the quiz and the other two not far behind. It also made us realize that we showed love in different ways, and we started appreciating more the little things we had been doing for each other. We of course as newlyweds were still in the honeymoon stage so everything was still pretty wonderful but this has helped us maintain that deeper love and connection after 7 more years of marriage! This book and these ideas are amazing and I would totally recommend this book to anyone in a long term relationship!

The 5 Love Languages Book Review

Amanda:

My husband and I picked up this book before a 15-hour car trip. We took turns reading and driving. Every few pages we would stop and talk about ideas and concepts we had never thought about before. After 8 years of marriage, we realized that our love languages are different. We were both showing love to each other in the way we feel loved and not necessarily in the way our spouse needs to be loved. The 5 Love Languages opened the door for us. We understand each other on a much deeper level. It changed how we care for each other so much that we just bought The 5 Love Languages for Children.

Are you convinced yet?! This book is truly life changing. As dramatic as that sounds, Gary Chapman’s insights are clear and easily implemented. He has an amazing way of fully explaining each topic in a way that makes his advice immediately useful to you. You can make your marriage and your love stronger starting right now!

At the very start, the author, Gary Chapman, dives into why the honeymoon phase fizzles at the beginning of marriage:

…We can recognize the in-love experience for what it was – a temporary emotional high – and now pursue ‘real love’ with our spouse. ….It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another….”

From there he explains that everyone receives love in different ways. These differing ways can generally be categorized into five categories: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Understanding your spouse’s unique love language(s) will help you to keep their “love tank” full. You may feel you are giving your spouse loads of love, but if you are giving love in a way that your spouse does not receive love, then their love tank remains empty.

“When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and [he] feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach [his] highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and [he] feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and [he] will likely never reach [his] potential for good in the world.”

Understanding each other’s love language is transformative. I thought that simply answering some multiple choice questions online and getting a result of what each of our love languages are was all that there was to it. It wasn’t until I fully read the book that I discovered the power in knowing my own, and my husband’s love languages.

For more reading on what it takes to build a great marriage, take a peek at our 10 Habits of a Happy Marriage, or our 10 Tips to Prepare for a Successful Marriage.

About the Author: Lauren

The great loves of my life are my boys, maple bars, and hand sanitizer. I’ve been married to my very own dreamboat of a soulmate for almost five years. We have a completely adored, silly, mischievous son. I think that there is nothing in the world that's better than laughing so hard you can barely breathe. In our family we have a policy of making that happen at least once a day!

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167 Responses to The 5 Love Languages Book Review

  1. I also gave a shout out on my blog (but its a private blog) – “Want to make your dates more meaningful-enter to win this book that teaches you how to communicate to your spouse!!”

  2. I am a Newsletter reader. Also I have been dying to read this book. And to be honest I am not sure what love language I speak or my husband….when I read about them we each seem to have a little bit of at least 2 of them each. I do know though that when my husband looks at me and tells me he loves me, before I tell him, or he tells me I did something good I love that…and I also love when he is with me and he doesn’t check his phone or get on the computer…

  3. Sounds like a great book!

    I am an official newsletter subscriber

    Since my husband and I are both Gemini’s we seem to have several of the languages combined but if I had to pick one for each I’d go with Acts of Service for myself and my husband’s would be Physical Touch.

  4. I love the idea of this book! I loved figuring out what our love languages were!

    Mine are words of affirmation and acts of sevice pretty much equally!
    My husbands are acts of service! Which explains why he loves it when I make him dinner, do our laundry and give him rubs haha 🙂

    I would love to win this book so we can learn more about how to be the best spouses we can be! 🙂

  5. Official reader!

    My husband’s love language is physical touch while mine is Acts of Service followed very closely by gifts.

    I chomp at the bit waiting for new posts to find something that I can adapt to us…

  6. I subscribed to the newsletter. My love language is probably either quality time or physical touch. Not really sure what my husband’s would be…maybe acts of service or words of afformation?

  7. Definetely a subscriber! 🙂
    I am a act of service. It is a little difficult choosing only one for my husband, but I think it’s the quality time one for him.

  8. Already a subscriber :} I am pretty sure my love language is Physical Touch, but Acts of Service is a close second. My wonderful husband is a Words of Affirmation, most definitely! Way to be opposites!

  9. I’m a subscriber. I know my language is definitely gifts and words of affirmation but I’m having a hard time figuring out my husband’s–hopefully the book will help with that! I’ve been meaning to read it for a while. Thank you!

  10. I would LOVE for us to read this book! I’m an official newsletter subscriber. My hubby’s love language is physical touch and words. Mine is acts of service 🙂

  11. I’m not entering this giveaway, cause I already own the book! It is wonderful! My husband and I read it while we were engaged and I believe it has helped us understand each other a little better in our married lives.

  12. I’m a subscriber to the newsletter. I feel that I’m a mixture of some, but my main one is quality time and physical touch. My hubby’s is physical touch. 🙂

  13. I have subscribed to your adorable site…and I think I have a few languages…I’m multilingual..haha….but my main one is quality time and receiving gifts and my husbands I think is quality time.

  14. Shoutout!!

    Tracy Alexander Jensen
    I stumbled on the cutest website from my friend Tuesdee Behling Barclay….it’s a marriage blog and they are having a giveaway….please check them out….it’s an adorable site and they have great ideas!!!

    Book Review and Giveaway: The 5 Love Languages! | The Dating Divas
    http://www.thedatingdivas.com
    Enter to win this amazing book! It will help you to understand your spouse’s LOVE language and make your relationship even better!

  15. I know that if I don’t want to LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING, I love my husband up with lots of hugs, kisses and all that physical stuff. He knows that I feel loved and secure when he takes care of me through acts of service.

    I am an “official” newsletter reader.

    Keep it up! I especially love the ideas that are cheap and free as my husband is in nursing school and money is tight.

    Thanks for everything!

    Lynn DeBuhr Johnson
    Swea City Iowa

  16. I SO want and NEED this book & definitely don’t wanna LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING!! I am wanting to make this Valentine’s an extra special one and this book would definitely help!! 🙂 From reading about the book I am a “Words Of Affirmation” lover and my husband is a “Physical Touch” kind.
    Here’s my ‘shout-out’ that I posted on Twitter:
    The @DatingDivas are giving away the book 5 Languages Of Love…but, don’t enter because I want to win!

  17. I don’t want to “LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING” …so pretty please choose me!!!!!! Please! Please! Please!!!

    Hubby’s love language is Words of Affirmation – mine is Quality Time.
    You guys are great! Thanks for doing this!

  18. I definitely read your news letter (p.s. my fiance LOVED the chocolate peanut butter cupcakes from birthday week) and I don’t want to “LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING!” I am getting married in April… and what a better time than now to understand each others love languages!….so pretty pretty please choose me!

  19. I became a subscriber 2 weeks ago and with this site I will never “lose that Lovin’ feeling”. My language is acts of service and my hubbies is Physical touch (at least I think it is!? But if I won the book I would know for sure :0) Thanks you adorable gals!

  20. I subscribed to your newsletter pretty much as soon as you announced your new page, and I enjoy reading through them when they come!

    My primary love language is Quality Time and Hubby’s is gifts.

  21. I don’t want to “LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING”….so pretty please choose me!

    My love language is acts of service/receiving gifts and my husband’s is physical touch.

  22. I don’t want to “LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING”….so pretty please choose me!

    My love language is acts of service, my husband’s is receiving gifts/physical touch.

  23. I’m a subscriber AND I don’t want to “LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING”….so pretty please choose me! Gosh, I’ve never thought of the languages of love. I think I could fall into all of the categories except for receiving gifts and probably my hubby too, but I could see how he may lean towards “words of affirmation” and “physical touch.”

  24. I don’t want to “LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING”….so pretty please choose me!

    I love y’alls stuff. I surprised my husband with the black light idea last weekend!
    Awesome. He loved it!

    Keep up the great work!

  25. I’m a subscriber! My love language is acts of service and my husbands is physical touch. I have never read the book but we’ve taken the simple test to find out our languages and it’s already helped us better understand each other. Now I just need to win to read the whole book!

  26. I don’t want to “LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING”….so pretty please choose me!
    My love language is definitely acts of service that he does everyday.
    His love language is about half touch and words of affirmation. He definitely likes to hear
    how appreciated he truly is. Don’t we all!

    Thanks again for all y’all do!!!!!

  27. I don’t really know how to link it back, but I put it on my facebook page and this is what I wrote “I really want to win this book. I keep hearing it’s a great one to read!!! ” with a link to the site!!!
    I am a subscriber to the newsletter!! I would say that my husband’s and my love language is a little bit of all, but we definitely like that “Physical Touch!” I love holding hands, touching in any way possible!!
    AND…..
    I don’t want to “LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING”….so pretty please choose me!

  28. I have heard great things about this book! I love the qoute “The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.”
    I am Words of Affirmation and physical touch.

  29. I don’t want to “LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING”….so pretty please choose me! My husband is physical touch and I think I have all of them! haha, but probably quality time is my highest! 🙂

  30. I don’t want to “LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING”….so pretty please choose me!
    My love language is acts of service, and my hubby’s is physical touch and words of affirmation! 🙂 Thanks I’d love to own this book!

  31. I am a subscriber 🙂 My spouse and I are both physical touch and words of affirmation. What I have found though is that we have very different dialects! Espeically in the physical touch language! 😉

  32. I’m a newsletter subscriber! My love language would have to be service and my husband’s physical touch.

    I don’t want to “LOSE THAT LOVIN’ FEELING”….so pretty please choose me!

  33. i am a subscriber! and ohhh i would LOVE this book! i believe my husband is an acts of service and i am physical touch…LOL but i actually think we could both be a bit of all or MOST ! 🙂

  34. I am a subscriber to your newsletter. I love this book. We had it for Book Club and did it for a wedding shower. We had activities for each of the love languages. It was so awesome! If any of you have single friends there is a single edition and if you really look at this book it is really a book about ALL relationships. Have difficulty with a coworker find out their love language and act on it. The person may have an empty work love tank. It is really amazing what this book can bring into your life. Hey also if you have kids he has one for that too! He has a radio show that I listen to as a pod cast. What a great way to remember what he has taught. 😀 Thanks for reading!

  35. I’m a subscriber to the newsletter!

    This sounds like such an amazing book! I’ve read and heard so many awesome reviews from so many different women about how great this book is. I’m secretly hoping I’m lucky enough to win this giveaway! I would love to read this book!

    As for which love language my husband and I are – He is move Physical Touch while I’m more of a acts of service kind of gal. My husband is always showing his affection by holding my hand, giving me hugs, giving me back rubs, kisses, etc. While I like to make sure his favorite snake bowl is always washed or take out the trash for him when he isn’t looking or making me his favorite meal for dinner unexpected.

  36. I love getting the newsletter!! Full of fabulous ideas and links to the posts.

    I think our language is often the one of service, but more often the little acts of affirmation.

  37. I posted this with the link on my facebook page.

    “Win this awesome book!! Enter before 11 pm MST today!!”

    Could you post how to link to the post? I don’t know how.

  38. Hi,
    My sister told me about your site and I love it! Just wanted to tell you, I have read this book, it’s a good one! But if you love this, I think you would love one by John Lund called “For All Eternity.” I have the audio tape and we listen to it when we are driving places. IT is SO GOOD! He has a cute sense of humor and it totally talks about the same ideas.